Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

Grown man wants you to buy three grown men matching suits for his wedding.

Nah.

I would tell him the what the boys would be wearing (their choice of suits they already have). If that's a issue for him then he can buy them new suits or hire for the day.

I’m guessing this is how your ex has needled you in the past, message through your sons and then you either comply or get sons to relay your message back?
This is damaging, they’ve been assigned roles, piggy in the middle. The saying, ‘the messenger always gets shot’, is very apt,
Your sons are all adults, the days of you communicating to ex is over.
Your ex can’t try to assert his control, his relationship with your sons, is his, if he doesn’t want to buy them suits for his wedding, is up to him and sons to sort out.
Stop getting involved!
Tell sons, they are men now, if ex doesn’t want to buy them suits for his wedding, that’s none of your business, they have to sort it out with their dad. If they feel it’s unfair, decide they want to wear chicken outfits, or to not bother going, they sort it out with him.

The sons already have their own none matching suits.

They’re adults. I don’t see any need for you to communicate with your ex about their clothing. I would let him know it’s his wedding and you have no wish to discuss his choices.

Up to the boys and their dad surely what they wear to his wedding. Considering they are all adult men, they can figure it out for themselves what clothing they will wear to an event and what they need to purchase.
I wouldn't even get involved in this. If 4 adult men can't work out an outfit for a one day event then that is entirely their problem.

They are 18, 21 and 24. There is no conversation to be had, and the only message you need to send to your ex husband regarding his demand that you purchase three suits for grown men in a colour of his choosing, is silence.

There is no conversation to be had with him. You can tell the lads that they have suits, and you won't be purchasing three new suits, but if their dad would like to that's of course his business. They can wear what they like, in your opinion.

The end.

I'd be telling DSs if they wanted to wear Hawaiian shirts or inflatable dinosaur suits I wouldn't give a rat's arse. Let them wear what they want, but you're not paying for matchy matchy suits that they will wear once. That's nuts.

Also add... If you want the wedding party to be in matching suits it is quite the norm to hire them.

If you were being gaody you could say... Also im not using my disabled benefits to fund your wedding outfits. You're well able to fund these yourself.

Yes this, he is causing chaos isn"t he ? Probably always has.

Totally agree with this!

Your ex is being a groomzilla!

I think this might be an appropriate matter for a "Not my circus, not my monkeys" response.

You do not need to call/text/message him ANYTHING or explain anything.

His wedding has absolutely nothing to do with yours and vice versa. He needs no explanation about what you plan to do for your wedding. It has nothing to do with him.

I suspect that you have usually allowed yourself to get involved in his problems that he tries to make your problems that's why he has the audacity to demand your ADULT DC tell you to buy them suits for HIS WEDDING. And I also suspect your DC have grown up watching this dynamic that's why they passed on the message.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. It's his wedding not yours.

They are adults though.
It’s totally rigut yo say it’s not fair theyre caught in the middle when they are 10 or 15yo.
But now they, unfortunately, have to deal with their dad for who he is. Even when is a twat.

99bottlesofkombucha

Don’t put the boys in the middle. Message their dad and say hi Joe, there seems to be a misunderstanding, we aren’t making the boys all wear the same thing for our wedding, we have told them we want them to be comfortable. So we won’t be buying them new suits. Hazel.

This is good!

YY theyre all over 18yo.
You dint have to run around to ‘sort a suit for them’. That era isn’t anymore.

They need to deal with their dad. And your ex needs to stop offloading his responsibility/work onto you.

This. What a CF your ex is. Even if you did want them in the same matching suits for your own wedding, why should you buy them all for the benefit of your ex’s wedding? By his logic that situation equates to 50/50 at the very least.

It would be a no from me. They are all grown men now able to see what a CF their dad is. To stop them being made to feel like this is their fault you should message your ex saying you aren’t having them in matching suits for you wedding, so if he wants them he needs to buy them, let the boys wear the suits they’ve got, or expect that the boys buy their own now they are adults (which would be an AH move on his part…. But you saying it shows that they are now grown adults and his relationship with them is no longer facilitated by you). If he gets arsey after that you can point out that you aren’t expecting him to contribute in anyway to your wedding and you’re surprised he expects you to contribute to his.

I don't understand. They're adults. Except for maybe the 18 year old, why aren't they buying their own suits and dealing with Dad themselves?

Your ex is wanting a reaction, a message from your adults sons, to then create a row about his wedding, to make you look like you’re jealous.
He’s using them as weapons, your sons are adults though, you don’t need to interfere or fight any battles over them.
You simply let go off the rope, tell sons, it’s nothing to do with you.
Job done!

Do not communicate with him, your boys are adults so let them deal with this.

Standing up to others is a good life skill

I don't see what people wear to your ex's wedding has to you with you!!!

Whether they are your joint kids or not.
AND DC ARE ALL ADULTS. I am trying to understand why are you giving this oxygen or bothering yourself.

I would completely ignore. It has nothing to do with me. DC are adults. In my mind I may or may not wish you a happy married life, like i said, nothing to do with me.

Nothing to do with you there all adults

I would message because it’s not fair on your sons being put in any kind of difficult position. This message makes it clear and ensures you stay out of any further decisions.

Your ex is one cheeky fucker op.

I would text him and include your sons.

’Congratulations on your wedding day xx, I hope it goes well.

Just to confirm we won’t be buying suits for the boys for our wedding, it will be very casual.

If you would like them to have matching suits for your wedding day, please make the necessary arrangements to hire or buy.

Otherwise they all have nice suits pressed and ready to wear at home instead. All the best op’

It's nothing to do with you - they need to talk to him about it. Not your circus.