Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

hazelowens · 2025-07-17T00:42:06+00:00

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell. The boys are 18, 21 and 24 I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

soupyspoon · 18/07/2025 19:54

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 23:38

I am involved as he told my youngest to tell me that the boys needed suits for December as he is getting married. I have told the boys that I can't afford to buy them suits for a wedding that isn't my responsibility it's their dad's. As I expected the oldest has sided with his dad and why can't I just do this one thing for him. Middle has said he isn't going as he doesn't want to and youngest has said he'll buy his own suit.

I am not messaging my ex about this as unless I go with what he wants I'm all the awkward so and so's. So I'll just be awkward in silence.

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Why didnt you say though, that its not anyones responsibility to kit them out for a wedding, they are grown adults, do they know this? Its not about what you or the dad wants, you buy your own clothing to go to events.

So many threads on here about grown adults still being treated like children. Buying clothes for them is their job, no one elses.

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 18/07/2025 07:54

Its his wedding, and your sons are more than old enough to buy their own suits. Id just ignore it.

Gizlotsmum · 18/07/2025 07:49

Well it sounds like you are happy with what they have for your wedding so if your ex is saying it will be needed for your wedding you let him ( and them) know the suits they have are fine for your wedding. So as far as you are concerned it is all sorted. Either dad pays or they pay if it matters that much

BubblyBath178 · 18/07/2025 07:45

His wedding = His responsibility.

TourdeFrance2025 · 18/07/2025 07:41

Your eldest needs to stop behaving like he's 14. 24 is plenty old enough to understand his Dads wedding is his Dads expense, not yours.

QuiteUnbelievable · 18/07/2025 07:33

OP this is a great learning mission for your son's

Hopefully they already understand money and appreciate it doesn't grow on trees.
Say to all sons that this wedding is nothing to do with you ,you can't afford new suits. They won't need new suits for your wedding.

Encourage your sons to stand up for themselves that they don't want to match and it won't be paid for by you .

TourdeFrance2025 · 18/07/2025 07:33

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/07/2025 06:56

Just tell your boys no you can't afford it and it's dads responsibility sorry

I wouldn't keep on about 'not affording it' as that's irrelevant. Is her EX's wedding, even if she was loaded it's got nothing to do with her. If HE wants them in matching suits for HIS wedding then HE pays.

Sassybooklover · 18/07/2025 07:03

It's HIS wedding and HIS son's that he wants wearing identical suits, so therefore he pays. Why should you pay for suits for your son's to wear to your exes wedding, that has zero to do with you!!! Cheeky bugger!!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/07/2025 06:56

Just tell your boys no you can't afford it and it's dads responsibility sorry

ThankULord · 18/07/2025 04:51

tinyspiny · 17/07/2025 23:57

@hazelowens at 24 he should be embarrassed even asking his mum to buy a suit for him to wear to her ex husbands wedding

Honestly!

Or, should know that this has absolutely nothing to do with his DM.

tinyspiny · 17/07/2025 23:57

@hazelowens at 24 he should be embarrassed even asking his mum to buy a suit for him to wear to her ex husbands wedding

Original poster

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 23:57

Crinkle77 · 17/07/2025 23:53

Yes this is what I was thinking. The 18 and 21 year old may still be in full time education so perhaps be a bit skint but the 24 year old should be able to buy their own?

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The 18 yr old has more money than us lol. 21 yr is a poor student and I don't know what the 24 yr old does with money as he is always complaining he is skint.

OP posts:

Original poster

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 23:55

PullTheBricksDown · 17/07/2025 23:44

Why can't his dad do just this one thing for him, I guess? It's his wedding and your eldest must surely be aware that he is much better off than you.

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Our oldest can't see the wood for the trees where his dad is concerned. He thinks he is the best guy ever . So it his dad has told him it's my responsibility to buy the suits he will not change his opinion unless his dad tells him. I thought him moving into his own place would make him grow up but nope.

If I say it's his dad's wedding so if he wants them in suits and they are part of the bridal party then it's his dad and soon to be step mum responsibility. He will say his dad is paying for everything else why can't I do this for him. It I say anything bad about him it's because I hate his soon to be wife, nope just feel sorry for her now as she with be the 3rd Mrs Owens. The previous 2 have tried to warn her god the 1st one tried to warn me, I should have listened.

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 17/07/2025 23:53

Jeschara · 17/07/2025 16:19

Sorry, I am late to this thread but why do you have to buy the suites, why can they not buy there own, they are all adults.
Your ex is a cheeky sod in the first place telling them to ask their Mum, also if he is so desperate for them to have matching suits he can pay them.

Yes this is what I was thinking. The 18 and 21 year old may still be in full time education so perhaps be a bit skint but the 24 year old should be able to buy their own?

PullTheBricksDown · 17/07/2025 23:44

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 23:38

I am involved as he told my youngest to tell me that the boys needed suits for December as he is getting married. I have told the boys that I can't afford to buy them suits for a wedding that isn't my responsibility it's their dad's. As I expected the oldest has sided with his dad and why can't I just do this one thing for him. Middle has said he isn't going as he doesn't want to and youngest has said he'll buy his own suit.

I am not messaging my ex about this as unless I go with what he wants I'm all the awkward so and so's. So I'll just be awkward in silence.

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Why can't his dad do just this one thing for him, I guess? It's his wedding and your eldest must surely be aware that he is much better off than you.

Original poster

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 23:38

Waterweight · 17/07/2025 20:27

I don't really get why OPs dodging the obvious here A) why is she even involved in this/hasn't forwarded it back to their father & B) why would the kids be having an opinion if the wedding is themed = formal/casual/black suites-red ties then that's what they'll be wearing even if it was an aunt & uncles wedding cause sometimes you just have to go along with this shit

I am involved as he told my youngest to tell me that the boys needed suits for December as he is getting married. I have told the boys that I can't afford to buy them suits for a wedding that isn't my responsibility it's their dad's. As I expected the oldest has sided with his dad and why can't I just do this one thing for him. Middle has said he isn't going as he doesn't want to and youngest has said he'll buy his own suit.

I am not messaging my ex about this as unless I go with what he wants I'm all the awkward so and so's. So I'll just be awkward in silence.

OP posts:

Plibble · 17/07/2025 23:07

YANBU. If he wants something specific he can pay.

NewbieYou · 17/07/2025 21:41

He can pay if he wants them in something specific. That’s how weddings work. Alternatively, as they are adults, they can buy their own suits. But it’s certainly not for his ex to buy their suits.

NoSoupForU · 17/07/2025 20:33

LoyalMember · 17/07/2025 07:18

Shorts, Hawaiian shirts, and sandals at your reception... ?
😳

What the fuck is wrong with you? Lord forbid people have the wedding they want instead of some identikit nonsense to suit other people's ideas of what a wedding ought to look like.

Y2ker · 17/07/2025 20:32

Ignore him.

NoSoupForU · 17/07/2025 20:28

What? Why would you buy suits for 3 adults to wear to an event? Surely they can buy their own suits or their father can if he's insisting they wear something specific?!

Waterweight · 17/07/2025 20:27

I don't really get why OPs dodging the obvious here A) why is she even involved in this/hasn't forwarded it back to their father & B) why would the kids be having an opinion if the wedding is themed = formal/casual/black suites-red ties then that's what they'll be wearing even if it was an aunt & uncles wedding cause sometimes you just have to go along with this shit

SpacedOutOut · 17/07/2025 19:12

RosesAndHellebores · 17/07/2025 01:46

If their father wants to dictate the sort of suits they wear, he needs to pay.

💯 %. Dad pays if he’s calling the shots!

MatildaTheCat · 17/07/2025 19:06

Stay completely out of it unless he contacts you. Then act baffled and say you hadn’t thought about it but since he’s getting married first then maybe the boys can wear the suits he’s buying if they want to.

Anyway unless you are getting married in the winter then the suits are most unlikely to be suitable anyway.

January sales often have bargains. Oh, wait…😂

soupyspoon · 17/07/2025 18:59

Ive only read the first page. What is the normal wedding etiquette for clothing?

I thought most of the time there is a dress code and guests will get their own attire, is that right?

Your children are adults so they can decide for themselves if they want to adhere to the dress code or not. I dont see how this involves you at all?

However on the other hand I see on threads on here about bridesmaids dresses being supplied by the bride and groom so thats the opposite.