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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you want to interact with a much older mum at the school gate

141 replies

NopeIWontEnterAUsername · 16/07/2025 22:39

I'm 47 and Dc is joining school in September. I will probably be the oldest mum there and possibly old enough to be the mum of some of the other parents!! At dc's settling-in sessions every one looked so young.

I know it shouldn't bother me. I'm not worried that anyone would be rude or unpleasant because of my age. I'm also not bothered about making friends at the school gate but it would be nice to have people to chat and exchange notes with while waiting and I don't want dc to miss out in any way because the other parents can't be arsed to hang out with me. I mean, for example considering how young they are if anyone invites dc for a play date they'd have to put up with me tagging along as well.

I'm also not white (first generation immigrant) but live in a predominantly white area (and the school's demographics look very homogenous to me) and I wonder if that will be a factor as well.

I know it's a controversial subject and it would be easy to say that "yes, of course, I don't care about age or colour" but actually I'd love brutally honest answers. I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking but maybe something like this: if you had a choice would you prefer talking to someone who is of a similar age and a similar background or ethnicity? Or do you feel more comfortable talking to someone who is of similar age and has a similar background?

Yanbu: yes
Yabu: no

OP posts:
Davros · 16/07/2025 22:47

I was much older than most of the other mums at DD’s school, I had her when I was 43. It was fine, some I was never going to click with but over time I found the few good ones. I’ve just been out with one of them tonight, the kids are now 22, she’s ten years younger than me. We had a great time

Bootsybugs22 · 16/07/2025 22:47

My best friends at the school gate are 32 and 50 and Im 40. Be yourself, find your crowd and if your crowd isn't there doesnt matter find it elsewhere. The school gate mums do not have to be your world.

FortheloveofCheesus · 16/07/2025 22:47

Non thing. My school gate friends are varying ages & ethnicities. No one cares, its more about whether you have anything in common

FourLove · 16/07/2025 22:47

Very happy to chat with anyone at the school gates. Very happy to make friends with a different ethnicity. Probably wouldn't think of socialising much with someone much older or younger so play dates might be awkward in the very young years.

2dogsandabudgie · 16/07/2025 22:46

notanothersummercold · 16/07/2025 22:44

I used to speak to the grandparents rather than the other mums so l would 100% speak to an older mum

This. Don't forget OP that a lot of grandparents will be doing school pick ups as well.

Rainallnight · 16/07/2025 22:46

I’m a very old mum and have never had a problem.

EmotionallyWeird · 16/07/2025 22:45

I no longer have children at school, but when I did, I would just have been happy that someone wanted to talk to me.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 16/07/2025 22:45

I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and I at 43.. School gate socialising is best avoided at any age ime.

DappledThings · 16/07/2025 22:45

I was 41 when DC1 started school 5 years ago. DC2 is 2 years younger. The age range of mums I speak to at the school gates ranges from 23 to 54 across just 3 school years. It's fine.

notanothersummercold · 16/07/2025 22:44

I used to speak to the grandparents rather than the other mums so l would 100% speak to an older mum

WhatMe123 · 16/07/2025 22:43

Plenty of mums in their 40s op. In 41 and my second starts in September 😁 I'd speak to you

Mischance · 16/07/2025 22:43

I truly do think this is a non-problem. Everyone chats at the school gates - everyone.

Glitchymn1 · 16/07/2025 22:43

I’m not bothered but I’m usually rushing so don’t really talk much, I’ll speak to anyone. DD attends a lovely school, lots of friends, many different nationalities.

Bitchesbelike · 16/07/2025 22:42

I’ll talk to anyone at the school gate. Someone being an older
parent wouldn’t bother me in the slightest

Aliceisagooddog · 16/07/2025 22:42

I honestly think you are overthinking this. You'll get on with the friendly parents and probably the parents of your child's friends. I'm an older mum but never really think about it, I just talk to anyone who's friendly.

Enko · 16/07/2025 22:41

Honestly age and gender or race never come into reasons as to whom I hung out with at the school gates.

Temper, attutide and humour is far more important. (And wanting a sneaky coffee)