To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

Of course you can't ask her to pay, don't be ridiculous. It's shit that she's dropped you in it but that's the way it goes sometimes I guess.

Wait a minute… you have contradicted yourself op. “Mil offered to help” then “She was all smiles with of course I’ll help”
The later sounds like an answer to a request. Did you put her in an awkward position where she felt she couldn’t say no?? Has the poor woman been agonising over how to tell you she would find it too much? If so, you were the CF.

How old is the child? Kids are exhausting tbf. I can understand why 18 days of childcare over the summer would be too much at her age. I’m 10 years younger, and I wouldn’t find it easy either! Sod that 🤣

Your kids, your problem.

Even contemplating charging her is a massive pisstake.

It’s a shitty thing for your MIL to do, but it would be totally unreasonable to ask or expect her to contribute financially. I’d take this as a warning and never rely on her again.

You might end up needing another day a week cover if you do.
Maybe she just didn't realise how damned hard it would be - not a crime.

This!

Of course you can’t ask. It’s too much for her, be grateful for the 1 day she is providing

By the way, if you are the sort of CF who expects your parents/in laws to do all your childcare, please know that they are probably saying to their friends that it’s too much and they don’t know how to extract themselves from the arrangement. Even if they are raving to you about how pleased they are to do it. This is absolutely ubiquitous in all the grandparents that I know who are doing the bulk of their children’s childcare.

I agree with this. You can't charge her, as tempting as it is, but don't bendover backwards for her going forward either

"It isn't up to you to decide that a 62 year old it fit and healthy enough to be your free childcare. Appearances can be deceiving, and the energy to provide 3 full days of childcare is somewhat full on - lots of older people aren't up to it."

This. It always astounds me how people almost half that age can possibly know how it feels to be over 60. Unless they're walking around with zimmer frames and talking to themselves, older people are deemed perfectly capable of doing the same work they were doing 40 years ago. All I can say is, you'll find out one day!

So, not only do you expect free childcare from your MIL, but when she can’t do it for reasons of her own, you actually consider charging her…. it’s beyond belief!

Your MIL has let you down and I can see that’s very annoying for you, but if she says she’s too tired I’m sure she’s too tired.

Definitely don’t ask her to contribute, it will cause a big upset, and future offers of help may not be forthcoming. Childcare is frequently a problem and I sympathise, but in this case yabvu.

''All smiles and 'Of course i'll help' '' sound like you asked and she said yes. And meant it i expect.

She gave it a go but on monday she had to admit and tell you 'without discussion' (?) that she was finding it too much.

Just out of interest would the discussion have been?
MIL - Sorry DIL i'm too knackered to do the three days. I'm telling you asap so you can get organised ...

OP - well sorry that's unacceptable and you have to!

?

It's frustrating but family help doesn't come with a contract. That benefits both sides really. She works for no pay and saves you money - but might pull out if necessary. That's just how it works. She's told you straight away at least not dropped days here and there and been cagey.

Awful situation being dropped in it with no notice. However your response would make me drop the other day! Are you paying her? If this is your attitude to her I imagine she isn't feeling overly like giving up any of her free time to do parenting for you

These threads come around so regularly.
Grandparents over committing themselves, parents left in the lurch and complaining that grandparents are box fresh and have nothing to complain about.
I wonder if pressure was applied that resulted in an 'offer' to help with childcare? Or if children are far more needy than in years gone by when they'd occupy themselves better - and so grandparents don't have a fair idea of the scale of a three day commitment?

Either way, making you mil pay a penalty is petty and only drives a wedge in important relationships.

This in spades!!!

So you only had a child on the basis of her looking after your child?! It isn’t her responsibility to pay for childcare for YOUR child

Honestly people who put upon their parents/in laws like this are ridiculous.

I would NEVER ask this sort of commitment from either set, even if they said they would do it. My kids, my responsibility. They’ve done their time.

I know loads of grandparents who drop off and pick up from school every single day. And the children’s parents have the absolute audacity to be annoyed when they go on holiday. It’s absolutely laughable.

I mean 3 days every week is a lot so I think you were taking the mick asking her tbh! You mention nursery so how old is the child and what are the normal non holiday arrangements?

Yes, excellent idea to try and make her pay.
Watch how quickly she decides she will not help you at all.

Make the whole thing a DH problem. Walk away and let him deal with it.

To those criticising MIL, what was she supposed to do? Keep going until she keeled over?

It would have cost you even more if she hadn't done any childcare though. Get your DH involved in trying to find cover.

3 days a week is a lot for a grandparent, had you trialled this before it became something you relied on? It's bad she just dropped out suddenly, was she apologetic or does she not realise that finding alternative cover with no notice is really difficult? Obviously, you won't want to rely on her in the future but you can't charge her now.

I hope my kids would say ‘Sorry it’s too much, of course it’s ok, really grateful for anything you can do'

Agree, this is the ONLY response that should come from you OP.

Absolutely not. Taking her up on the offer of 3 days a week without paying her was a poor choice. Now you and your husband have to deal with the consequences.

the only thing that needs to change is that your husband needs to be doing some of the scrambling and panicking.

No, you can't charge your MIL. But you can let her know how her cavalier changing of her mind is costing you in both time and money.

Stop scrabbling around for childcare. Tell your DH he takes the time off from HIS job to cover it or her sorts out childcare for the remaining days. This shouldn't all be on you, especially as it's his mum that's let you BOTH down. Not you, BOTH of you. And he's dumping it all on you.

Why would she say "of course I'll help" if she offered?

That sounds far more likely to be a response to a request rather than an offer!!

The wording just seems very off.

Either way, you are being beyond unreasonable.

Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

You were taking your MIL for a mug. They're your children, pay for childcare or quit work to care for them yourselves.