To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

I suspect she made the offer in good faith, envisaging calm, peaceful, loving bonding time with her grandchildren. However, as you say you're looking for nursery care, I assume you have young, and therefore, energetic and lively, children, and the reality of looking after them is far from the expectation she had. It's a very different experience to a couple of hours to let parents have some time together, or to run errands or whatever, or a bit of evening babysitting.

How many threads do we see on here, where mums, much younger than the OP's MIL, are exhausted from looking after young children? I'm not surprised she finds it too much to have responsibility for two young children for what is presumably 10-12 hours a day, three days a week (OP said she works full time, so I assume that it'll be 10-12 hours from drop off to pick up).

I can understand that it is frustrating and infuriating to suddenly have your childcare plans fall apart, but she IS offering one day a week, which is more that a lot of parents get from family. It would have been helpful if she could have given you a decent amount of notice, but she definitely shouldn't be paying any of your childcare bill.

Yes you are being unreasonable it’s your child!

She wanted to help and has found it too much. She is still doing what she can.

Realise it is a stress to sort but give mil a break. Did your dh even clarify what "of course I'll help' entailed back in June? Or was it assumed she would do whatever was needed? 3 days a week is a big ask.

I sincerely hope OP is trolling. Surely no one is this entitled?

Exactly. I assume they’re his kids too?

She shouldn't have agreed then left you in the lurch. Changing her mind at the last minute was really shitty. You can't charge her though. Childcare is your responsibility.

Organise childcare now and the future. Now you know you can't trust her word and can prepare accordingly. Expect nothing from her and don't feel you have to put yourself out for her in future.

Good God, absolutely not. Your kids, your financial responsibility.

I'm 55 and I have absolutely no idea how I had the energy to raise two kids, I am in awe of the energy I must have had back then!

Your energy tails off sharply at a certain age, as you will one day discover....

I wouldn't leave my child in the lurch at a days notice but I don't blame her for realising she doesn't have the energy.

If you ask her to pay you can guarantee she will never offer a favour again and you will come across as entitled and grabby. She probably has no concept of how hard it is to find childcare at short notice, so at best you could explain that, and ask her if she would be able to reconsider and do a few days until you get something else sorted.

But your husband should step up. I'd be tempted to just leave for work with a cheery wave and let him sort childcare.

'Of course I' ll help' sounds like she was asked to help out rather than offered.
Have you or husband asked why she is so tired? Or considered she may be ill?

Yes, it not great that she has reduced her offer of help. It has caused you stress and money.

I don't think you can charge her for childcare.
Many people don't have relatives to help out with childcare. Grannies now have to work until they are 67 or 68.

Did your mother volunteer to childmind over the holidays?

Completely this…..

Your MiL is still caring for your DC one day a week. You should be thanking her not getting angry. She obviously found more days too tiring but she tried. The cost of DC is your cost not your MiL's.

There’s been a lot in the news about grandparents worried about the cost of entertaining grandchildren in the summer hols- could that be a factor if you think tiredness is not the real reason. Although she may be fairly fit, in my experience grandparents tend to go over and above with attention/keeping kids busy than we would and now I’ve reached the grand old age of 42 def starting to feel less energy so have a little more sympathy for a 62 yr old.

have you talked about compromises that could work like 3 mornings or afternoons/ splitting the days so she has a day to recover in between if she’d be open to it? Can she help you out an extra day if you do get stuck on the odd occasion or just a blanket no??

But no you have no right to ask her to fund your childcare and she can change her mind now she knows how hard it is.

If my childcare for the summer was £300 I would be happy, ours is way more than that, and we have 1 day a week MIL help. Do I expect more = no. Are you able CF = absolutely!

By her cancelling last minute had it cost you more?
other than the fact she’s not providing it for free

I would never ask any family member to do 3 days a week childcare. That’s too much. You are unreasonable even to ask!

She offered but has found it too tiring. I am guessing you have toddlers, and they are exhausting. MiL was doing you a favour and has discovered that it is too much for her. They are your DC. Tell DH to sort it - not with MiL but the childcare. You shouldn't have relied on this but suggested that she maybe do one day a week if she wanted to help out. You can't ask her for money, she was doing you a big favour. But has discovered she can't.

Why do you think it's a shitty thing to do? Surely better to speak up once she realised than try and cope and become unwell!

She’s still looking after the child just for not as many days as she originally offered. She’s found it too much but is still doing them a big favour.

If you can’t see that and would think twice before helping her out in the future you don’t deserve the bloody help!

I get the OPs frustration - but i still don't get why MIL has been ''shitty''.

We're not suggesting she's done this as a cruel joke are we?

Childcare isn't something you'd want someone to carry doing with gritted teeth and at the end of their tether is it? You'd want someone to be honest and say what they can manage happily and with good humour and energy.

I would be telling dh he sorts it, and if that means he has to take unpaid leave to cover it himself so be it

then I would not take any notice of any other offers and would not be be letting her look after them ever again

You can’t ask.

DH should be the one scrabbling around and NOT you!

No, you can’t ask her for the money……your child, your responsibility! Why do people have babies that they clearly cannot afford???? And then expect others to bail them out.

OP you come across as so entitled.People don't understand how tiring it is looking after young children when in their 60s ! I happily coped with my three in my 30s but it is so different now 30 years later.
Your MIL probably feels rubbish having to let you down but she probably didn't anticipate feeling so exhausted.
Thankfully my daughter is not an entitled twat and fully understands that one day a week is really helpful and she is very appreciative.
You really would be very cheeky to ask her for payment, don't do it!

I wouldn't be charging but I would text her saying you wish she'd said earlier as now you are having to pay extortionate fees for emergency childcare.

Your DH m’n to be the one sorting childcare surely? Why is it you who is scrambling around…