To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

Wow, you really don't get it, do you !!

A lady of 62 has tried to provide 3 days a week childcare but has found it too much, so she's been honest & responsible, and reduced that to one day a week (still 20% off the bill) rather than over-reach herself, fall asleep while caring, or get distracted, and have an accident.

Try walking a mile in her shoes before leaping to foolish conclusions.

YABU, you can’t charge her for your childcare costs, they are your children.
Its annoying but it really is down to you and your DH not your MIL
Also I’m guessing your not near 62 but as you say “im just knackered and stressed” so was your MIL, she is doing you a favour, I’d remember that

Obviously you cannot charge her for childcare that is utterly outrageous. It's annoying that she has let you down but perhaps she was being kind but then realised it was too much. Perhaps be grateful you have one day a week free childcare?

I love my 14 month old grandson and adore him. I am 67 and he tires me out and my husband helps also. I watch him if he is sick and can't go to daycare or she is in a pinch. Children are hard work.

Good god! Of course you can’t “charge her for childcare”.

It’s the same as if someone said “I’d like to give you two thousand pounds”, and then had to backtrack to say “I’m sorry, I overcommitted and I can only afford to give you one thousand”.

You might be disappointed, you might not rely on them the same way in the future, but you reply “Thank you for the one thousand pounds/one day per week of childcare that you are still kindly giving us”

I work four days and pay for four days nursery. My mum comes up almost once a week and takes baby out of nursery on those days. Win win as my mum
and baby develop an amazing relationship, but there’s no pressure on my mum to commit to the same day a week and she can also go on holiday when she pleases. It works perfectly and it doesn’t bother me paying for nursery days if baby isn’t there all day as it’s giving me the security to work knowing childcare is always covered. That’s how I view it anyway. My mum isn’t childcare she’s my baby’s granny!! Edited to say ps my mum lives 2 hours away

I can't believe this is a genuine question.

You would have had to pay for childcare all along if she had not offered. Yes, she dropped you in it at short notice and that's annoying, but she is entitled to change her mind, that doesn't mean she needs to cover the cost of YOUR childcare as a result.

Be thankful she is saving you the cost of one day at least.

Who's taking you for a mug? Your child who continuously expects to be looked after? The nerve!

Of course you can't ask your mil to pay for your childcare. Yes, it sucks that she thought she could help, but has realised she can't. But you still can't ask her to pay!

No, you can't ask. But I would be asking my DH to point out to her that it's fine she's changed her mind, but that it caused you quite a bit of additional stress because of the unexpected costs.
But I imagine he won't want to do this because he's not been inconvenienced by the whole thing. You need to make it more of his problem. Tell him the days you've covered already and tell him the rest are for him to sort out. Better yet, get a joint calendar or spreadsheet and say any remaining blanks are his responsibility to deal with.

She offered!!!!

Wowsers thought I'd seen it all. I am always amazed about people expecting grandparents, who by rights have done all their childrearing and making sacrifices for their own kids, to then continue that childrearing and sacrifice in their golden years when they are supposed to be enjoying life. Three days a week is A LOT. Stop being tight, put your hands in your pockets and pay for childcare like everyone else and be grateful she is doing a day for you and saving you money.
I would say it is unfair of her to drop you in it but I imagine she probably felt like she couldn't say no. There are plenty of holiday clubs about. It's much better for kids to be with other kids anyway. Aging grandparents are fine for a day but a bit boring after that. I'd never do it to my kids or my parents.

9 pages and no sign of the OP. What’s with all the threads like this @mnhq?

Of course YWBU!!!! It isn’t a god given right to have grandparents help. 3/5 working days a week is a hell of a lot of childcare for someone to provide.

We had this when I went back to work. MIL said she would do 2 days a week, then a few weeks in called us at 7pm the night before her day to tell us she wasn't doing it any more. No discussion, no warning. We had to scrabble around and get him in nursery asap. Obviously we were stuffed for that week. But no we didn't ask her for costs and you can't really, no matter how annoying and expensive it is. Just bare this in mind for any future childcare.

No, I think MIL has behaved really poorly. Letting someone down like that is rubbish. I would not feel able to rely on her in the future. And would make sure she knows that.

Your DH needs to take unpaid leave to care for your children or find an alternative.

I'd say wait until you are 62 OP, I doubt you'd be so flippant about mil's tiredness then. There's a possibility that she also elderly parents to care for too.
It's unfortunate that she's told you at the last minute, but I suspect she's been reticent in turning it down until she's realised she had to.
You absolutely cannot charge her, how ungrateful and mercenary of you.

This

I don’t think it is a case of OP expecting her MIL to do childcare but rather that the MIL offered. OP has missed out on block booking weeks of clubs etc that usually work out cheaper and now many of them might be full up. I am 10 years older than OPs MIL and am quite booked up with looking with looking after grandchildren this summer holiday. Personally, I think having promised, the MIL should try a bit harder. Of course the MIL will get tired but grandchildren are wonderful. I don’t think OP can ask her MIL for money but under these circumstances I would offer. After the holidays the OP should book full weeks for future holidays and not use her MIL.
And like other posters, I ask why OP’s husband isn’t running around trying to arrange childcare.

She left you both in the lurch. But only one of you has stepped up to do anything about it.

Your DH sounds like he’s a big fan of ‘wife work for the little wife with her little pin money job and it doesn’t affect me because I’m a Big Important Man’.

Carry on with the childcare and step in quick if they have a space available for the one day mil is still doing because she’ll let you down with that day too.

Money? I’m sure it’s going to cost a fortune but it’ll be worth it.

And use this knowledge going forward, adjust your expectations with her. And she can adjust hers with you.

You’re knackered and stressed?? Yeah so is she, but they’re not her kids.

You can’t charge her but that’s really bad of her to drop you in it. I wouldn’t let her cover any holidays again, even if she begs you.

Yes she is entitled to change her mind but it’s still a dick move to do it that way and leave them scrambling.

She comes across as one of those MILs who say they want to help because they see their friends with their grandkids and would get offended if OP said don’t worry we will send them to daycare then she faces reality and drops them so quickly with no notice.

As OP said “she offered”, OP didn’t force her to help with the kids.

she shouldn’t have committed so they could have sorted themselves out rather than commit then back out without notice.

At least OP now knows she can’t be dependable and I would expect her to stop the one day at some point as well.

@CookyPsych i don’t think you are really serious about charging her and you’re just venting out of frustration but yes she was ridiculous to offer then leave you in a lurch, unfortunately there ain’t anything you can do about it except learn your lesson not to depend on her in the future.

MN Rage bait - good one OP 👏

Is this a reverse? It’s your responsibility. 3 days a week is a massive amount and perhaps she shouldn’t have offered but you must have wondered if it was realistic.

surely it’s the last minute change and panic to find childcare that is stressing you, rather than the cost? I get that it’s hard at short notice but you still get a day a week. Next time don’t let her overcommit.