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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

317 replies

CookyPsych · 16/07/2025 17:43

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

OP posts:
SheridansPortSalut · 16/07/2025 20:33

Yet another thread where the op says something outrageous to start a debate, then promptly disappears.

Yawn. It's getting really old.

SeaUrchinHat · 16/07/2025 20:33

Blimey OP. We are entitled aren’t we? You knew how much childcare was before you chose to have kids (I hope!) so just get on with it. Your DC are the responsibility of you and your DH alone. Your MIL is incredibly kind to offer to help at all so I’d keep her happy if I were you! Dear me, the state of people these days.

DorothyStorm · 16/07/2025 20:31

MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare… All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June.
Did she offer, or did you ask?

ChocolateGanache · 16/07/2025 20:30

Also, it’s not 1/2 way through the summer holidays. They haven’t broken up yet.

Morgenrot25 · 16/07/2025 20:28

CookyPsych · 16/07/2025 17:43

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

Please tell me you're not actually planning to ask her for money?
it sounds like she's underestimated how tiring it would be, annoying for you but also understandable.
I do hope that you and DH are able to sort something out though.* *

DandyDenimScroller · 16/07/2025 20:28

Well, aren't you just an entitled madam.

ChocolateGanache · 16/07/2025 20:28

No. It’s not ok to ask OP.
It’s annoying.
Don’t rely on her in future.

Needtofixmyageingskin · 16/07/2025 20:27

Your DH should sort it. Why's his job anymore important than yours.

fthisfthatfeverything · 16/07/2025 20:26

Wise up!
You’re one of these ones that see what people don’t do, not the things they did do!
Edited to say: if you asked me I’d say no, and start looking for full child care I’m not doing any! Which I hope she does.

can’t actually believe you think this is ok

Studyunder · 16/07/2025 20:26

YABVU. She’s saved you money with any childcare she’s provided so far. Why should she pay anything for YOUR child?

housethatbuiltme · 16/07/2025 20:25

Its your (and/or your DH) job to look after your kids... nobody else's.

Help is nice but you are not owed it, I can't imagine the thought process of even thinking you can CHARGE your MIL because she said no to babysitting.

Strawberrryfields · 16/07/2025 20:25

What did it say in her contract? Was there an early withdrawal of service clause?
Come on now, be serious 🙄

BlankBlankBlank14 · 16/07/2025 20:24

Katherine9 · 16/07/2025 19:52

250 replies and nothing from the OP...

She’s busy typing her invoices up!

BernardButlersBra · 16/07/2025 20:24

Tempting. Your husband should saving this. Has he spoke to his mother about her behaviour?

PinkDD · 16/07/2025 20:21

CookyPsych · 16/07/2025 17:43

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

you do nothing and DH scrabbles round.

And cut MIL some slack, she probably underestimated how knackering it would be. Wait until you're 62 then come back and tell us you could do it.

Caiti19 · 16/07/2025 20:21

<Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.>>

I disagree. The 62 year old tired woman being asked for free childcare for 3 days is the only mug here. She should have given a bit of notice, though - to not leave you so stressed out looking for alternatives. 1 day a week is loads for any grandparent to be looking after small kids IMHO.

Radionowhere · 16/07/2025 20:19

I really hope this is a bored kid trolling. No one can be this entitled and spoilt surely? But just on the off chance - your kids, your responsibility, your expense.

SleepQuest33 · 16/07/2025 20:19

Yes please go ahead and send her the bill. Then come back and report what happened next. I’ll be very curious to know what her reaction will be!

Solocup · 16/07/2025 20:16

This is made up right?!! 😂😂😂

LightUpLavender · 16/07/2025 20:12

Makingitupaswegoalong · 16/07/2025 18:28

She probably wanted to be helpful

She has been the utter opposite of helpful because she made an offer then rescinded it, leaving OP in a difficult position.

People who try to be helpful but end up causing more problems than if they haven’t bothered are a pain in the arse.

Show quote history

100% agree - op could have sorted something and is now in a rubbish position. You can’t charge her OP, but never rely on her again. Never. Yes it’s understandable that she might be tired or have health issues but it’s incredibly poor to make offers that you can’t back up with action. Let DH do the majority of the clean up in this one too. His mother after all.

Btowngirl · 16/07/2025 20:12

Some things in life are just better to pay for. Childcare being one of them. I apply this to anything I have higher expectations of so wouldn’t have taken her up on it. 3 days is a lot as well! It’s tight of her not to give notice, but she isn’t your employee so I do think YABVU (in terms of money, i agree with feeling annoyed).

Thedogscollar · 16/07/2025 20:12

And the award for CF of the year goes to @CookyPsych

LancashireButterPie · 16/07/2025 20:11

She obviously had the intent to look after them, but she's now finding it exhausting.

If this was my mum or MIL I'd be concerned that either a} they weren't well, and had something underlying like anaemia, depression or worse, it b} my kids were little shits and she was not capable of keeping them under control or safe.

Whichever, your DC deserve childcare, where they will be safe and stimulated and wanted. Not feeling like they are a drain.

Greenegg24 · 16/07/2025 20:08

I can’t believe you are actually asking this question. You are so incredibly entitled it’s unreal. Of course you can not charge her. Your children are your responsibility.

Italiangreyhound · 16/07/2025 20:08

You cannot charge someone for not doing you a favour!