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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

317 replies

CookyPsych · 16/07/2025 17:43

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

OP posts:
MascaraGirl · 16/07/2025 17:49

bluecurtains14 · 16/07/2025 17:45

Why isn't DH doing the scrabbling round, it's his mum who has dropped you in it.

Very good point!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/07/2025 17:49

I also don’t see how “taken for a mug” applies here btw

BelfastBard · 16/07/2025 17:49

You’re not out any more money than you would have been if she hadn’t offered. Chalk it up, don’t rely on her again, but absolutely do NOT ask her to pay for childcare for YOUR children.

ClunkyPigeon · 16/07/2025 17:49

I mean, of course you can’t. That would be absolutely insane.

She’s let you down, and that’s infuriating. And now you know never to trust her with such things in the future. An irritating and expensive way to learn that fact, but good god you can’t ask for the cash.

RedNine · 16/07/2025 17:48

Please don't, you'll ruin relations with MIL forever.

You have learned a hard lesson and it is so tough for you, I'm sorry.

Don't ask mil again for any childcare favours above the one day a week.

KittytheHare · 16/07/2025 17:48

It’s annoying but you can’t charge her. That would be appalling rude of you. If she hadn’t offered at all you would still have had to pay for childcare

butterpuffed · 16/07/2025 17:47

Good luck with that !

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/07/2025 17:47

No, you can’t charge her. It’s not her responsibility to pay for childcare. You could ask if she doesn’t mind contributing if she’s well off but that’s about it.

Has her dropping out last minute meant that childcare you could have booked if you’d known sooner now become unavailable or more expensive. I can see why you’re annoyed of course!

Why is it only you “scrabbling around” for childcare and begging favours? Why not your DH? No wonder he doesn’t think it’s a big deal - it’s not affecting him!

Are there no holiday clubs you can use for school aged ones?

CopperWhite · 16/07/2025 17:47

Your MIL is unreasonable to cancel this late on but I don’t see how she’s taking you for a mug?

Even though she’s messed you around and you have every right to be annoyed, she’s still saving you paying for a day of childcare a week and it is ridiculous to think that she has any responsibility for your childcare bills. She doesn’t.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 16/07/2025 17:47

Idont think you can tbh I’d be remembering this though when she wants favours in the future. I’m not saying I’d never do anything but only when it suited me and would give a hard swerve if I was busy or tired.

Hollybelle83 · 16/07/2025 17:46

Of course you can't charge her! It's shitty she's left you in the lurch and I would be pissed off too, but she's still doing you a big favour. For free.

ParmaVioletTea · 16/07/2025 17:46

No you really can’t charge her. You know you can’t. You and your DH will have to juggle annual leave and leave without pay or paid-for care.

Gffbjjgfddbjkkm · 16/07/2025 17:46

Your child and your bill.

Your mil is doing you a favour.

Shamefully ungrateful, entitled behaviour, OP.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/07/2025 17:46

If she hadn't offered to do it, you still would have had to pay for childcare though.

It's annoying that she has changed her mind without notice, but it hasn't actually cost you anything except the stress of trying to find another solution at the last minute.

MrsSamR · 16/07/2025 17:46

Christ. The number of people who expect free childcare truly amazes me. No you can't ask your MIL to pay. Just pay for childcare like plenty of other people do. Yes its annoying that she's changed her mind but your children are your responsibility FFS.

rubyslippers · 16/07/2025 17:46

No you can’t ask
well you can but I don’t think it would go too well

you're very snippy about her only being 62 and tired
Childcare is flipping knackering and she’s entitled and allowed to change her mind

your employer may offer emergency parental leave
maybe your DH needs to step up

bluecurtains14 · 16/07/2025 17:45

Why isn't DH doing the scrabbling round, it's his mum who has dropped you in it.