To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

Why are you dealing with his mother and why is this a problem only for you to sort?

Your children have two parents.

Both of you take holiday days off separately to cover childcare, ask to do swap play dates with friends where you have their kids one day and they have yours another, sign up to camps, ask other family members.

This is not your MIL fault and she has every right to change her mind. She was doing you a favour and it was clearly too much once she experienced it for a few days.

Yes of course it’s MIL’s choice how much to do. But last month she made that choice (3 days) and OP planned based on that info - then MIL amended the choice last minute seemingly without much of an apology/explanation or giving much of a shit about the stress she just dropped on op.

This is why I will say no to any childcare. There will be no misunderstandings and everyone will know where they stand. Of course, I will offer to babysit from time to time.

You’d be paying for if anyway?

The having to scramble around is annoying but get your DP to do some of that

Please, I hope this is a troll because nobody could be this stupid......SURELY!

Nice role modelling that it’s always a female default to sort out child care and men can just sit back and crack on with their life. Perhaps offload some of the stress and responsibilty on to him - the other parent - instead of your MIL.

It’s crap she’s cancelled on you but you need a reality check if you think she owes you money

All those saying OP entitled etc - she may have planned to work full time due to MIL offer of help and MIL has now left her in the lurch.

However, your DH should sort out childcare so he doesn’t rock the boat with you OP

You are being very unreasonable. Honestly I wouldn’t have accepted the offer in the first place, it’s a huge amount of child care and it’s exhausting. Book your DC into holiday clubs or take unpaid parental leave.

She isn’t a brat. MIL freely offered 3 days per week - last month. And now it’s come time for that, she’s reneged with zero notice causing a lot of stress. It’s absolutely not brattish to have made plans based on what was agreed and to be stressed that the goal posts have moved. I know very well that people not considered particularly old can suffer crushing tiredness and awful menopausal symptoms including insomnia as I’m one of them. If MIL had said - I’m so sorry to have to let you down due to health issues that are crushing me, it would have been different and op would likely have understood but still been stressed.

It annoying she has not given u much notice, but she is still doing u a favour Mondays. It her choice how much she does. Get your husband to sort something. Don't let this sour your relationship with her

She’s still helping you out one day a week. Which is more than zero days.

Annoying to be left in the lurch at short notice but she probably underestimated the responsibility. A full working day of childcare is a lot, around 10-12 hours per day. And set days every week is a massive commitment. She may enjoy babysitting for the odd evening more, or an afternoon at the weekend to give you some time off at the weekend. Don’t start making demands now or you’ll get nothing at all.

This must happen often as there’s regularly threads like this exact situation. Okay it’s rubbish she’s done this at such short notice, but you AND dh need to sort this out. Forget about cost, it’s not up to mil to help, despite the scenario.

Totally unreasonable of you to ask her to pay for childcare. It's your child not MILs.

Also totally unreasonable of MIL to drop you in it like that. You now know you can't trust her and frankly after that I wouldn't be considering her a friend at all and would cool things off massively. DH can go visit her and take DC if he wants. I CBA having any kind of relationship beyond basic civility with people like her. It's s really shitty thing she's done.

I read stuff on here and at times I think 'what planet is she/he on?' Your post @CookyPsych is one of those posts. You sound entitled.

No one can expect and/or demand free childcare. It's beyond unreasonable. You're fortunate to have one day free childcare. Count that as a blessing.

I don’t understand how she has cost you money? I know that you have to pay for childcare but you would have had to if she hadn’t agreed to help in the first case. It’s not great that she’s pulled out this late in the day but it was a big ask in the beginning.

I totally understand the financial impact by the way - I’ve always had to pay for holiday playschemes and it’s killer but it is your cost to burden, not hers.

What is the difference between what you would have paid and what you're paying due to lack of notice?
I would guess not a great deal.
Your childcare is your bill and it wouldn't occur to me to charge someone else regardless of circumstances. If you suggest she pays that will tarnish relations in the future, she may even back out of the day she's still doing.
I'm sympathetic though, because I'd be fuming. Yes, childcare is a huge favour, I'm always very grateful, but it's important it's reliable. If you can't be reliable, don't offer.

You do know they’re your kids right?
Yes it’s crap she’s dropped you in it by letting you down but if she hadn’t of agreed to help you’d have to find childcare and pay someone anyway?

She’s not your child’s parent, HTH

Frustrating to be let down, but you can’t ask her to pay. I don’t think telling her that it has cost you a lot of money is a good idea either. She already knows that so the only outcome from such a conversation is more upset and bad feeling.

If this is serious you need a swift attitude adjustment.

You can’t charge her. She was doing you a favour. You’d have to pay for childcare anyway. I just wouldn’t rely on her again. Why are you scrabbling around? Let DH sort. If he’s taking unpaid leave I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t change her mind and offer to have them.
Even if she’s fit having children 3 days a week is tiring. You’ve not said ages or how many. It sounds like she’s tried but it’s too much for her.

Slightly different though isn’t it because you couldn’t have offered in the first place and then changed your mind, you know already it’s not something you’re capable of (at the moment, and I hope that’s something that will change for you in the future and that you can get your health into a better place).

OP you’d be a proper CF to ask her to chip in on childcare costs - I can understand your panic at the last minute nature of plans changing but your childcare bill is no one’s responsibility but the child’s parents.

Unless your MIL was actively involved in the conception of your children, they are your responsibility not hers.

Exactly this