I feel so broken

I sympathise with you OP; I was in a similar situation recently, and it really isn't easy to put your boundaries in place around how you deserve to be treated, so well done you.

It sounds like this guy has made you realise how lonely you feel (or at least, that's how I felt); when you're on your own for a long time, it's easy to be at peace with that and enjoy it, but when you get a taste of that companionship with someone you really care for, it can make you feel extra lonely when it doesn't work out the way you want it to. All you can do is get very honest with yourself and this guy around what you want, and if he's not in a place to deliver on that, do as you've done and let him go. The faster you say no to what's not right for you, the faster what's right for you will come into your life.

Hope something wonderful shows up soon, whether it's a person or something else!

I agree. I once fell in love very quickly and was devastated when it ended, about the same timescale as yours. But I was weak enough to take him back. I was then even more hurt when he dumped me soon afterwards. Not worth it.
Be kind to yourself now. Give yourself time to heal and move on xx

OP you sound like a wonderful person. He on the other hand sounds like a loser. You’re far too good for him. x

This is just a lovely empathetic response.

Hang in there op, you’ve absolutely done the right thing in breaking things off. I’m been on my own for the last few years, having been in an emotionally abusive marriage for 20. The 2 short term relationships I’ve had since have been real eye openers: the first guy was just needy and the second, like your experience, was using me to bolster his ego when it suited but was elusive in all senses of the word.

There’s better stuff coming for both of us.

In my experience when you post on mumsnet for advice/support you get replies which are soothing and speak to what you want to hear - and replies which feel hurtful at first and too harsh.

Longer term, guess which ones help the most? Yep. The ones which were hard to read at first.

OP you've 'given it a go' with him and this is how he's left you feeling. Not good not happy and not loved.

ie: he's not the one for you. He's not what you hoped.

He still lives with his mum - lucky escape i say ! He's obvs not any kind of go getter is he? And that will include women in his life. No effort.

Pull yourself together and eat the ice cream !!! 💐 This IS what a good friend would say x

Following what @BunnyLake said… I think in these cases the guy realises he can’t keep up the show… as in, probably doesn’t feel able to be in a proper relationship, absolutely in this case given his circumstances. Try to switch from being sad you couldn’t save him essentially to narrowing down what you do want from a relationship and go for that

He’s probably too set in his ways now, what with living with his mum at 58 and no marriage or kids in his history. He would probably have not been good husband material as his mum probably cooks for him and does his washing.

That’s very quick to fall in love. I’ve got food in my freezer I’ve had longer than that. What you’re experiencing is you being reminded of and reliving the heartbreak you went through 4 years ago. It’s normal 🤍

Which probably explains why he wasn't in touch in between dates.

From my perspective I think you were hoping for great things from the one person that was never going to be able to provide this. As you have known him for a few years and know his background and history, perhaps his way of going about things was not so surprising.

I don't want to minimise the way you are feeling, but it is coming across that you were maybe a bit intense about the situation?

It's horrible to feel so let down though, regardless of how it why. It will pass though, you just have to ride it out. Cry when you want to cry, be angry when you need to be angry.

Bloody hell, narrow escape!

U r human, not foolish
Take care OP

You’ve lost two stone since yesterday?

Be prepared for him to call you. He is a big red flag, a user, he'll be flattered by your feelings, but he'll still act like a dick and you'll be heartbroken again.
Stay strong 💪

Ignore the unhelpful posts. Give yourself time to wallow a bit and grieve for what might have been. You clearly have inner strength and good self esteem - you recognised this wasn’t right for you. That strength will bring you out the other side with time, and help you find the right man, if that’s what you want to do. Best wishes. X

is he married @Heartfeels?

We were seeing each other once a week and he was so lovely to me very loving and attentive but then I wouldn't hear from him for days.

Yea, fuck that. He's yanking your chain and has other women on the go.

Block him every which way OP and pick yourself up, dust yourself down and go for some self love.

Ah. Been there myself OP it is really awful feeling this way. And I think 3 months is enough time to fall in love. Not deeply, but in a superficial / swept up in the excitement kind of way. And it’s difficult when they do the disappearing and reappearing thing, playing with your emotions. I bet my bottom dollar he will be chasing you again as soon as you’re healing and doing well.
Sympathy. No real advice other than keep your dignity and don’t wallow too much and definitely don’t reach out to him. You will be ok, even if it’s a shitty month or two while you gather yourself up.