To think that trauma is now a status symbol?

My twin sons died at birth 20 months ago. Stillbirth and my second twin was taken off life support at 4 days old and died in my arms. I do talk about my trauma online because I feel it keeps them present. I think my reasons are "genuine" and real. I'm glad someone people can just "crack on" as you say but this almost destroyed me and a lot of days are still very tough and I've since had another baby. Not everyone's grief is the same.

From some responses on here it seems people feel the behaviour is attention seeking.

Just don't pay attention? Or are you jealous of the attention?

You'd probably hate me, op, I lost my beautiful twin boys 20 months ago at birth. Completely unexpected - one of my boys was stillborn and my second died in my arms 4 days later after life support was removed. I'll never get over it, I've since had my rainbow but some days are very dark. I've only recently started trauma counselling.

I constantly reference them online on my social media. No photos because that's private to me and dh. But I share the stillbirth and neonatal death support group pages a lot for two reasons - number 1 - its a way to keep my boys alive, their memories are sadly limited and there will be no memories made and second, child loss is horrific and awareness and promoting support is key to grieving. I dont want or need people's sympathy, tbh I haven't cared much about what people think since they died. I just wish they were here.

If you want to call being put right back in your place and sat down ironic hahah, then so be it 😅. Peace out ✌🏻

Totally agree and the overuse of catastrophic language. People who have been through something say they have (undiagnosed) PTSD. Or they are grieving saying they are clinically depressed (instead of saying they are grieving). It negates those who have these things.

I desperately want and need trauma counselling. I've been turned away before and the one I'm trying to use now has been blanking me for months.

I think maybe if others are in the same boat. They can't afford to go private but need help, they end up kind of over sharing online as it's the only way they can feel heard.

I wouldn't and I don't do social media. But people suffer terribly from holding these feelings in.

It is for selfish, weak people.
Those of us with genuine issues mostly just crack on.

Yes, agree. It’s such an over used word it’s lost meaning. It’s like saying “ awesome” instead of “ quite nice”.

I think people use it to ring fence themselves.

There may be some truth in this, but honestly, almost everyonv who uses ther social media to talk about their PTSD (or ADHD or anxiety ‘disorder’ etc etc) frames it as ‘raising awareness’ and ‘hoping it helps someone else going through this’ and in 90% of cases, I don’t buy it.

Call me cynical, but I see a lot of self-diagnosis and attention seeking going on.

Yeah. Social media is a fucking cancer.

I'm not sure it's a badge of honour, so much as a badge of authority that some people show to shut down opposing views. So rather than explain why they disagree, and make a persuasive counter argument, it's a "don't dare argue with me, because I've had this experience, and you're an insensitive oaf if you challenge me" kind of thing. Which is manipulative and disruptive on discussion forums.

Most people carry some trauma, don’t they?

Recognising your own trauma and dealing with it is a good thing, I think. Better than bottling it all up and getting stuck in negative patterns that cause you suffering.

Wanging on endlessly about your self-diagnosed ‘Complex PTSD’ on social media is tiresome, though.

I find most people that are angry because trauma is being talked about more openly are either afraid that someone they've abused might find some strength and support in sharing their experience, or are angry because they have their own trauma they are refusing to address and it's therefore affecting and impacting their own relationships and mental health but the accountability isn't there yet.

A bit like when people mock someone for running, losing weight, healthy eating. Their choice to care fot themselves is nothing to do with you, but it might highlight your own lack of self care to yourself.

I strongly disagree with this. As time goes on there is less and less stigma and freedom to admit and express our trauma. The more people talk about it the more awareness is raised and the sooner people can seek help and support. It also helps people to spot red flags a lot sooner.
There's no more trauma now than there was before, its just that people are more aware of the harm that holding deep seated pain inside of you can do to a person's mental health and emotional wellbeing.

I think plastering it online is the key thing here. Nothing wrong with telling people about trauma but posting about it online on instagram accompanied by loads of carefully posed photos is the annoying thing and attention seeking in my opinion.

All thus is true. But I also can't help to feel that for a few it's a tool fot attention. There are some who will talk about their trauma and you hear it and go: gosh if thats trauma then what is the experience of a child or mum in Gaza or Sudan. Yes trauma is subjective but there are times when we over the word that it looses the meaning or at least it's punch or horror. But then what other word can the others (the ones judged asmover drawing) use. And indeed it can be user to hold yourself back from moving on or living a full life. I have seen people that lost entire families -immediate and extended - before they were 13, became carers to siblings and grannies and they are not afraid of discussing their experiences but they don't continually harangue people about their trauma or use it as a get out of jail card. They just live because they don't have the "luxury" of dwelling on it ad infinitum

Please do enlighten us further as to what constitutes trauma versus lack of resilience
It's usually defined by societal considerations. Just like what is considered appropriate to wear in an office, what is acceptable demonstration of affection in public, what is acceptable behaviours in a restaurant etc...

An example for me? A colleague who says she was traumatised by Covid. She was not at risk, not was her direct family. She didn't have any children. She refused to come to the office when it was requested. She made so much more fuss than colleagues who were at risk. I defined it as anxiety that she needed help to work through. She called it trauma.

I can assure you that absolutely no one regards being raped when they were ten as a 'badge of honour'. Or goes about chatting about it at parties or teambuilding icebreakers.

That is true but some people make a big drama over nothing and others will say they are tramatized because some one said something that upset them.
The real victims are being lumped in with the drama lamas and grief vampires an
we ALL know at least one of those.
Some victims may be scared to speak out because someone else will say "Oh that's nothing, this happened to me" A bit like a poster on here who was thinking about writing a book about 'her crazy life' as experienced in varying forms my MNers, myself and millions of others.

Some people have never known life before social media, they got bebo as kids and this where the over sharing started and because they were teenagers they had no filter, and now here we are fighting for attention on the Internet for validation. I don't really know what we can do really maybe ignore them im sure it will eventually implode.

i dont think its a status symbol, more of a replacement for a personality in some.

I think alos people who bang on about their trauma, haven't had genuine trauma, more trauma like they got a flat tire or boyfriend dumped them.

Im the queen of trauma.
But i dont bang on about it or plaster it on line.

I think you are being unreasonable. It’s really sad when you hear elderly people recounting how their husbands were so damaged by the war, they never spoke about it again. Reading about those who had their children taken from them in unmarried mothers’ homes, hearing tales of childhood abuse in children’s homes.
If people don’t talk about trauma, we can never write the wrongs and put measures in place to try to make things preventable. For some people, they feel more comfortable not sharing. But others NEED to talk about it, need to feel they are turning their pain into action.

And obviously you will read a lot about it on sites like this as often people come for support when they can't talk about it in real life.

People can tell people or not. Obviously that's up to them. And it can help others who are going through similar to hear of experiences if others BUT I also think it can go a bit far. For example I've suffered miscarriages and infertility/ multiple IVF rounds. If someone wants to share their experience of this that's absolutely fine. But I do feel the amount of praise they get for their "bravery" almost makes me feel like there is some sort of pressure for me to share my experience. Which I don't want to do. And that's ok too. But I do (personally) feel as though some people feel we have a moral obligation to do so. And I'm a private person.