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To think that trauma is now a status symbol?

91 replies

DearExpert · 16/07/2025 11:39

It used to be something private. Now it’s a badge of honour - the more complex your trauma, the more valid your opinion. It’s like pain is currency in online spaces. And some people are overdrawing.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 16/07/2025 16:28

vivainsomnia · 16/07/2025 15:16

if she developed anxiety that limited her ability to function as she did before in society as a result of a catastrophic world event, isn’t that what trauma is? Why do you feel the need to insist that it isn’t?
That catastrophic event impacted other much more than her. So if she suffered trauma, what did these other people who saw their family die, lost their jobs, their home suffered from? Super duper trauma? We all experienced this event. Some suffered from it much more than others. She suffered from some anxiety, and yes in my opinion, mostly due to a very low resilience threshold.

I know I should put a gloss on it but what you're saying is pure tosh @vivainsomnia

COVID was a deeply affecting event, and some people were traumatised. That's just known.

There's also no rigid trauma scale, as every context + event + personal equation is unique.

You have no idea WHY this particular person was impacted in this way, so you're simply not qualified to dismiss it. You don't have the knowledge to choose to dismiss a person's response to an event as being due to a 'low resilience threshold' unless you're privy to all previous experiences in a person's life.

iwillnotstaycalm · 16/07/2025 16:25

I think there is always a for and against for this - from my perspective, in the past, we haven’t spoken enough about trauma, hence why there is a lot of disfunction in many people’s lives. I believe that trauma is inherited (there is research and evidence to back this up) as well as the actual traumatic events people may go through I.e complex, singular or compounded, however I do also believe that trauma is personal to the individual and doesn’t always need to be spoken about to others if the individual doesn’t feel comfortable hearing about it. Not sure if you have heard of the term ‘floodlighting’ now which is apparently a thing. I think it can be a mutual exchange

Do I agree with people using it as a way of not taking responsibility for their lives ? No but I do think people deserve the outlet to process their trauma and learn and develop from it as individuals.

LowDownBoyStandUpGuy · 16/07/2025 15:37

My take on what the OP is saying is that people use the fact they have suffered trauma in whatever form to shut down other people’s opinions. To an extend you can see it on this thread, the OP has an opinion and people have come to say that they have suffered trauma (with the inference that the OP has not) and that she should mind her own business.

If this is the correct interpretation then I agree, almost everyone has suffered trauma to a varying degree, some people are happy to be very open about it and others prefer to keep it to themselves. The assumption that because someone isn’t talking about suffering trauma they therefore have not suffered it and their opinion then holds no weight because ‘I have suffered and am willing to talk about it therefore I am right and you are wrong’.

It happens a lot on MN and other social media. I also agree with pp’s that social media is terrible for this stuff and that those who take the time to set up their tripod and lighting before having their emotional breakdowns indeed are using their trauma for attention and likes.

EmpressOfSoreen · 16/07/2025 15:37

Trauma doesn't work like that though. It's not a game of top trumps. An event becomes a trauma event when a person experiences what they perceive as a threat to life and their brain fails to store it as a regular memory, so it keeps on popping up as a real-time event when it shouldn't. It's kind of a mechanical failure, a processing glitch.

What counts as a trauma event doesn't depend on how objectively "bad" the original event was but on the brain's failure to process and the resulting negative experiences and behaviours.

Eg you get folks who have lived through wars and not developed PTSD, but years later they're walking down the street and are first witness to a nasty car accident. They can't get it out of their mind, find themselves on high alert on that particular street, then they start avoiding that street, then they start feeling on edge when they're on their alternative route - could be the alternative street has similar trees, or someone walks past them who looks like a passer-by on the original street, whatever - their stress levels go up, so they avoid that street too, and the next near alternative, and so on, until the area of potential threat has considerably widened as their personal world shrinks. Maybe they ruminate obsessively about road safety, pedestrian safety, seek out stories of road disasters to prove to themselves that the measures they're taking are necessary. Or alternatively perhaps it is just too stressful for them to even think about road accidents, so they avoid talking about driving, then avoid driving, then avoid talking to their friends in case their friends talk about driving ...

That event, although not the worst thing that's happened in their life, and despite them being entirely uninjured, has become a trauma event. Not because of the event itself, but because of how their brain has handled it.

vivainsomnia · 16/07/2025 15:16

if she developed anxiety that limited her ability to function as she did before in society as a result of a catastrophic world event, isn’t that what trauma is? Why do you feel the need to insist that it isn’t?
That catastrophic event impacted other much more than her. So if she suffered trauma, what did these other people who saw their family die, lost their jobs, their home suffered from? Super duper trauma? We all experienced this event. Some suffered from it much more than others. She suffered from some anxiety, and yes in my opinion, mostly due to a very low resilience threshold.

Ella31 · 16/07/2025 15:13

SoloCat · 16/07/2025 14:06

I’m sorry @Ella31 ❤️
Life can be awful and if something helps you to deal with the pain, that’s completely understandable.

Thanks, @SoloCat being online also allows me to raise funds and spread awareness for our national stillbirth and neonatal death organisation where I'm from. The same organisation helped us organise the funeral, burial and the cuddle cot so that we could see our boys in a good state for as long as possible. We were so numb I couldn't even pick a coffin I was so shocked plus just after an emergency csection. So I plug that organisation as much as I can for other bereaved parents too

EmpressOfSoreen · 16/07/2025 15:11

Vdlormp · 16/07/2025 14:24

if she developed anxiety that limited her ability to function as she did before in society as a result of a catastrophic world event, isn’t that what trauma is? Why do you feel the need to insist that it isn’t?

Yeah I agree with this. I think there's a lot of trauma around covid, a lot of unprocessed emotions - witness the sheer numbers of emotionally dysregulated people careering around having unprovoked social flashpoints with others, since 2020.

verycloakanddaggers · 16/07/2025 14:57

vivainsomnia · 16/07/2025 12:45

Please do enlighten us further as to what constitutes trauma versus lack of resilience
It's usually defined by societal considerations. Just like what is considered appropriate to wear in an office, what is acceptable demonstration of affection in public, what is acceptable behaviours in a restaurant etc...

An example for me? A colleague who says she was traumatised by Covid. She was not at risk, not was her direct family. She didn't have any children. She refused to come to the office when it was requested. She made so much more fuss than colleagues who were at risk. I defined it as anxiety that she needed help to work through. She called it trauma.

Abrupt disruption to everything in life and extreme worry, as experienced during COVID, is known to cause trauma for some, which manifests differently for different people including e.g. anxiety, depression.

You're just describing that you had a colleague for whom COVID was traumatic.

Everyone understands why COVID was traumatic for some, it's bloody obvious - it was a shock, it was shit, it lasted rather a long time!

verycloakanddaggers · 16/07/2025 14:46

BlackCatGreyWhiskers · 16/07/2025 14:06

I think the vast majority of trauma is just life. Most people experience trauma throughout their lives and we’ve just rebranded it recently. I think everyone’s trauma and upset is valid, but I do think there’s a tendency to indulge in it now. There’s a balance between validating feelings and working towards recovery and forgiveness and using it as a statement and identity - like you say.

I don't think it's been rebranded, people just say that shit things were shit instead of lying to save the listeners' feelings.

verycloakanddaggers · 16/07/2025 14:43

DearExpert · 16/07/2025 11:39

It used to be something private. Now it’s a badge of honour - the more complex your trauma, the more valid your opinion. It’s like pain is currency in online spaces. And some people are overdrawing.

Lots of pain used to be private, such as bereavement, pregnancy loss, illness and injury, poverty, abuse.

Why should people hide the truth because you don't like it?

A lot of people have been through painful experiences, it's not new, it's just the truth is less hidden now.

BlackCatGreyWhiskers · 16/07/2025 14:32

@Ella31 I’m so sorry for your loss.

Yours is the sort of trauma that carries lifelong grief that you learn to live with, rather than recover from - I imagine - I don’t want to be seen to speak for you.

I think that’s were the problem lies though - it’s like everyone saying they are a “little” but autistic, it undermines the very really struggles of those with a significant weight to carry.

Vdlormp · 16/07/2025 14:24

vivainsomnia · 16/07/2025 12:45

Please do enlighten us further as to what constitutes trauma versus lack of resilience
It's usually defined by societal considerations. Just like what is considered appropriate to wear in an office, what is acceptable demonstration of affection in public, what is acceptable behaviours in a restaurant etc...

An example for me? A colleague who says she was traumatised by Covid. She was not at risk, not was her direct family. She didn't have any children. She refused to come to the office when it was requested. She made so much more fuss than colleagues who were at risk. I defined it as anxiety that she needed help to work through. She called it trauma.

if she developed anxiety that limited her ability to function as she did before in society as a result of a catastrophic world event, isn’t that what trauma is? Why do you feel the need to insist that it isn’t?

quicklywick · 16/07/2025 14:20

NegroniMacaroni · 16/07/2025 13:39

From some responses on here it seems people feel the behaviour is attention seeking.

Just don't pay attention? Or are you jealous of the attention?

I have a few significant issues with how people like this behave online one they speak about symptoms that most people have but dont explain although these are normal it has to be a regular occurrence that significantly impacts your life to be even considered for a diagnosis which means we now have a significant amount of people trying to access mental health services who dont actually need to be and making the wait time longer for people who do. The other thing I have an issue with is the wasting of emergency services time just to get a tiktok to post or filming medical staff and other patients. We all know how impressionable young people are and how confusing it is at that age to figure out who you are also adding to that the hormones which significantly impacts emotions. So when you repeatedly have people on social media saying I have and I do this and feel this. Impressionable young people or stupid adults think i do that so I must also have so now im going to make a video about it and then someone else sees it and so on. And with social media it isnt usually 1 person seeing it, its tens of thousands often more.

Vdlormp · 16/07/2025 14:20

NegroniMacaroni · 16/07/2025 13:39

From some responses on here it seems people feel the behaviour is attention seeking.

Just don't pay attention? Or are you jealous of the attention?

This.

EmpressOfSoreen · 16/07/2025 14:19

You sound jealous OP. Do you wish that people were paying attention to you instead?

TeenLifeMum · 16/07/2025 14:10

Getting to the age of 40 without any trauma would be unusual imo. Some people are just very self absorbed that their trauma is worse than everyone else. Often not the people who have actually gone through high levels of trauma.

SunnySideDeepDown · 16/07/2025 14:09

Talking saves lives. Why would you want to slag off people who have suffered traumatic events? They’re not saying they’re the only ones. They’re not saying it doesn’t or won’t happen to anyone else, they’re just expressing how they feel and being open about what’s happened.

I think you have to be quite an unhappy person to pick on people who have experienced trauma.

LakieLady · 16/07/2025 14:08

Neverlookback32 · 16/07/2025 12:50

I strongly disagree with this. As time goes on there is less and less stigma and freedom to admit and express our trauma. The more people talk about it the more awareness is raised and the sooner people can seek help and support. It also helps people to spot red flags a lot sooner.
There's no more trauma now than there was before, its just that people are more aware of the harm that holding deep seated pain inside of you can do to a person's mental health and emotional wellbeing.

I agree. I bottled my trauma up for over 40 years. I'm not sure that I even recognised it as trauma.

If I was that traumatised young person now, I'd feel much more comfortable about talking about it. I didn't even know there were was a word for it when I was young.

SoloCat · 16/07/2025 14:06

I’m sorry @Ella31 ❤️
Life can be awful and if something helps you to deal with the pain, that’s completely understandable.

BlackCatGreyWhiskers · 16/07/2025 14:06

I think the vast majority of trauma is just life. Most people experience trauma throughout their lives and we’ve just rebranded it recently. I think everyone’s trauma and upset is valid, but I do think there’s a tendency to indulge in it now. There’s a balance between validating feelings and working towards recovery and forgiveness and using it as a statement and identity - like you say.

Locutus2000 · 16/07/2025 14:04

DearExpert · 16/07/2025 11:39

It used to be something private. Now it’s a badge of honour - the more complex your trauma, the more valid your opinion. It’s like pain is currency in online spaces. And some people are overdrawing.

You can always mind your own fucking business.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 16/07/2025 13:59

So how are people supposed to manage their trauma, oh wise ones of Mumsnet? If one is at the mercy of two years waiting lists on the NHS, if everyone around you is backing off because your trauma is impinging on their lives, if the domino's keep falling because the people who knew you best are gone, along with your physical and emotional security, if you are expected to be always mindful that other people's feelings are more important than your own? Hmm?

How one manages these things without guidance or prior experience is a mystery to me.

SoloCat · 16/07/2025 13:52

quicklywick · 16/07/2025 12:23

As someone with cptsd i kind of agree. Nobody around me knows about this diagnosis apart from people who need to know my gp, cmht and the crisis team. I suffered years of csa until I was taken in to care. And its really insulting when people throw around the word trauma. I fully appreciate trauma can mean different things to different people but come on if some one is posting about how traumatised they are because their parents shouted at them once. Its like everything at the minute and I blame social media. Everyone's ex is a narcissist. Everyone is gaslighting everyone. Everyone is depressed and has anxiety. Everyone is ND. People who really struggle dont constantly post about it. Iv seen people who reckon they are in a crisis set up a camera and call 999 and then rufuse to be helped then post it they will do this weekly. Iv been in a crisis a few times and its never entered my head to get out my phone record it and then post it to social media. Its the same with self harm people use to do it where it could be hidden now everyone is walking round with cut foreheads so everyone can see

Edited

I’m with you. I have similar issues and it drives me mad when people use any issue as a drama for validation. I couldn’t talk about mine for years, I’d disassociated..all matter of fact. I can open up now, but I talk to very few people about it.

Willyoujustbequiet · 16/07/2025 13:50

I tend to agree tbh.

I have CPTSD from some horrific events in my life. Close friends are aware but I would never dream of putting it on social media, either the diagnosis or anything reIated to the events. Its not that I'm ashamed or feel any kind of stigma but it's very personal and I have no wish for my trauma to be discussed by others.

Aside from raising awareness in a few situations that may make a difference I think most people with genuine trauma don't seek to draw attention to it.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 16/07/2025 13:43

Itallcomesdowntothis · 16/07/2025 13:19

Totally agree and the overuse of catastrophic language. People who have been through something say they have (undiagnosed) PTSD. Or they are grieving saying they are clinically depressed (instead of saying they are grieving). It negates those who have these things.

Erm, you do realise clinical depression can be part of the grieving process? I say this waving my four in five years bereavement badges with pride (sarcasm, obviously) mother, partner, father and mother-in-law. And you do realise that alongside grieving can come massive upheaval in every part of your life, while everyone chunters on about it all being just "life" and the opportunity for new beginnings, and that one should have gratitude for the good times etc etc.

Grief is a pretty poor example on its own if you ask me. Oops there I go again, waving those damn badges....

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