Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How angry would you be - tattoo?

55 replies

JuniperJuly · 16/07/2025 08:48

TLDR: If you were travelling to get what you thought was a matching tattoo with someone but they pulled out, how pissed off would you be?

"Jane" and I have been friends since secondary school. We used to be really close but arent anymore because of distance. We still talk a lot and meet a few times of year and the chat is fun but superficial.

I have 2 tattoos. She has 1.

We both follow a tattoo artist who is known for her amazing birds. I am in the artist's city in September with work so told Jane that I was thinking about getting a bird (which was true). Things got carried away and we both booked to get a bird together in September.

I didnt put any big meaning to it but turns out Jane did and she is really excited about getting matching tattoos. That isnt how I see the tattoo.

In the year since booking, I've decided I dont want another tattoo. I really love the birds but the 2 tattoos I have are really meaningful and somehow (to me) a meaningless tattoo dilutes those. I know its stupid but that is where I am.

We are both travelling about the same distance to the artist's city but mine is on expenses. Jane has said that she would have got a bird earlier if the artist had been closer to her. Im happy to pay for her travel and hotel and obviously I'll go with her and hang out with her.

The artist has a huge waiting list so will fill my slot easily as long as I let her know soon. Plus Ive paid almost 50% deposit so even if she doesnt, she wont be out of pocket.

So, when I tell Jane, Im not getting a tattoo, how pissed off do you think she'll be? She'd have got the tattoo anyway if the artist had been closer.

I'm not getting something permanent on my body to not upset someone else.

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 16/07/2025 09:20

I wouldn't mind at all tbh, if Jane doesn't want the tattoo for its own sake but only as part of a matching pair with you then she's not ready for permanent dermal artwork, IMO.

Not quite the same but my best friend and I went to get our belly buttons pierced together many years ago and she bottled out at the studio. I wasn't annoyed at all because it didn't affect me in any way!

FirstNationsEnglish · 16/07/2025 09:15

I said you are being unreasonable, only because my personal taste is 'eugh' to any tattoos of any sort for any reason. Certainly, you should not be coerced into it by anyone else - it should only ever be your own choice for your own reasons.

FrogFrogFrog · 16/07/2025 09:11

If I saw it as a symbol of our friendship and had thought that you did too, I'd probably be a little hurt/disappointed that you'd changed your mind. But if you explained it the way you have here, I'd get over it and just get the tattoo for myself.

HairyToity · 16/07/2025 09:07

I'd respect the decision. It'd be no hard feelings.

ThymeandBasil · 16/07/2025 09:04

I'm not getting something permanent on my body to not upset someone else

That's it in a nutshell OP.

Your friend is an adult and should respect that.