How angry would you be - tattoo?

Tell the artist now, so she’s got time to fill your space and so you know that it won’t be possible for your friend to try and talk you into it. And then tell your friend as quickly as possible so that if she decides she doesn’t want to go through with it, she’s got time to back out without damaging someone’s income.

I’m really curious to know which artist it is who is known for her amazing birds and who has a huge waiting list, but is only charging you £200. If she’s that good and that cheap, I’ll have your slot and a matching tattoo with Jane!

Rachel didn't stay mad at Phoebe for long, so I'm sure it will be OK.

Just tell her you've changed your mind. You cannot know or need to worry about what she will think.

I answered the question in the way I wanted to. I did not answer it to your satisfaction, is all.

But you didn't answer the question that was asked 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

This^
if you’ve changed your mind tell her about it asap. Just say you don’t fancy another tattoo and that’s it.

I am wondering if this is more about an imbalance in the friendship than the tattoo, and if OP realises that actually Jane considers her a closer friend than she does.

depending how much time you have I wouldn’t go straight to the ‘I’ve decided I’m not getting the tattoo’ convo. I’d start with ‘I’m having a bit of a wobble about whether I want it’. This way your friend has some time to adjust and it takes the shock out of it for your friend to hopefully avoid any knee jerk anger

You're not close, and you describe your friendship as superficial. Even if matching tattoos were a thing I was interested in, these wouldn't be the circumstances I'd be getting them.

I would just be upfront and say that you've slept on it and changed your mind. I wouldn't pay for her travel to get there if she decides to go ahead. Her feelings are her responsibility, and if she is pissed off that's her business. Only one way to find out.

But surely the whole point of the deposit is to minimise potential losses? If the artist can’t fill that slot before September, she was never going to fill that slot. If she keeps the OP’s deposit, she has 50% of what she could earn in that slot if she filled it, as opposed to nothing had the slot just stayed empty.

I wouldn't mind at all tbh, if Jane doesn't want the tattoo for its own sake but only as part of a matching pair with you then she's not ready for permanent dermal artwork, IMO.

Exactly. I feel like this when I see people on social media saying “Time for a new tattoo - what should I get?” or similar. If you have to ask someone else’s opinion, you shouldn’t - and if you need someone else to get the same tattoo, you also shouldn’t.

You are unreasonable to pay for her travel and hotel because it was her desire to get the tattoo, you didn't force her. Why should you cover her costs? You are not unreasonable to change your mind. And I really don't get it why she would be mad, it's your body.

Friends getting matching tattoos seems a bit odd to me. A friendship doesn't need anything like that to be a good friendship.

I can sort of understand a parent getting a tattoo that symbolises their children. The tattoo is permanent and so is that person being a parent to that child.

Unfortunately anything else such as friendships and even marriages can be transient. Who wants to be stuck with a tattoo to remind you of someone you might fall out with 10 years down the line.

Just tell her now OP. If she makes a fuss and you fall out over it just be thankful you haven't got a bird inked on you forever as a permanent reminder of this moment.

Adults with matching tattoos make me cringe.

I know it isn’t the point of the thread but if you’ve paid a 50% deposit then the artist will be out of pocket if she can’t fill your appt.

It does feel like that!

It's a poll, I answered and gave reasons. I could easily have answered and not given reasons. It is what it is. I'm not going to indulge in your desire to argue the toss around the spin you have put on it 😂

If the appointment is in September, then you’ve given her plenty of warning. It’s not liked you pulled out with minutes to go. Actually, you’re still entitled to pull out with minutes to go, as long as you given her the chance to pull out as well.

You’ve changed your mind. That’s fine.

I agree.
What does it matter?

It’s what you said.

Meh! If that's the spin you want to put on it.

She’s unreasonable to not get a tattoo because you don’t like tattoos makes no sense but at least you got to tell people you don’t like them.

I wouldn’t have a problem with you backing out, OP.

It’s fine, but you will sound horrible if you explain it as you have done here: that your other tattoos are meaningful but a bird done with her as your longstanding friend means nothing.

Just tell her that you have realised you are happy with your tattoos as they are and have realised that though you love the birds you are not wanting to add more. But you look forward to accompanying her and admiring her first tattoo.

Yes, it's a poll, I answered it and gave my reasons.