Impossible situation

You only have six months to bring an Inheritance Act claim from date of grant of probate and an adult child would only be successful if they were being financially maintained prior to death. It seems unlikely that she will do anything in relation to the will. Morally, if I were your mum, I’d give her something. It’s not her fault that your dad went round having affairs and fathering children. She’s probably had a difficult life knowing that he had a “real” family that didn’t include her.

Similar though not identical: my maternal grandfather had a child from his first marriage which ended when his wife had an affair. He met my maternal grandmother during the 2nd world war.

By this time, his first wife had died (she died young), and when grandad remarried he asked if his son could join him but was told the son was very settled with his maternal grandparents.

When mum was in her teens, she arrived on the train from her summer holidays, due to be met by her father. She found him talking to a young man in his 20s - it turned out to be her elder half-brother who had somehow recognised and approached her father at the station.

By then, Uncle Jim was married with a first child on the way. Once the connection had been re-established, he was completely reabsorbed into the family. We had no idea of the backstory until our mum told as adults, in the context of how exciting it had been to discover a mystery elder brother.

I’ve not been through this - but one day a young woman came into my office. I said she looked so familiar and asked if she was related to a certain person I knew.

Turns out she did - she was the half sister of a someone I knew. The resemblance was uncanny. She told me her dad had an affair and she was the result of that affair.

She told me she moved to our city to track down her family. She said her brothers welcomed her into the family with open arms. There was no drama - just love.

You should consider meeting up with your half sister. You can decide afterwards if you want nothing to do with her.

I’m genuinely shocked so many people are so suspicious and nasty about this unknown woman - the idea she is after money is kind of crazy given that is just not how wills work - if she’s was entitled to money as a child under the will she would already have it. If she’s wanted to challenge the will she would have to have to do so within the statutory periods but adult children have almost no rights unless they are highly dependent beforehand on their parent. Much more likely she’d like to have a relationship with part of her family - which is lovely and appropriate. I’d welcome her with open arms. I have two half siblings - their mother was abusive to my and my full siblings but we have a good relationship who as adults and I love them. Children aren’t responsible for their parents actions

Sounds like your mum and sister both think she is guilty by association and they think she is just as guilty as your dad for the “hurt”, for existing.

I think both she and your mum need to get a grip and stop viewing her with such hatred. Your sister doesn’t have to form a relationship with her, but she and your mum should both have the emotional intelligence to understand that this young woman didn’t hurt your mum and doesn’t deserve to be viewed as a taboo. Therefore they should be fine with you making your own choice to want to meet her instead of calling it a betrayal. They both sound really pathetic and need a new hobby rather exhausting themselves out dwelling on your dad’s historical affair.

She looking for a share in the will?

I have an older brother through Dad I’d love to meet and was raised being told about, I’m the love child out the 4 of us. My kids have 2 little sisters to different mums I would never discourage them having a relationship, they’re siblings. I even asked the littlest ones mum to allow my kids contact when she stopped their Dad having any and told her about my older brother. It’s horrid to know there’s someone you share DNA and possibly traits with you could walk right on by. In my opinion too many ppl punish the children for the behaviour of the parents, it’s not fair nobody asks to be born or is lesser than due to the circumstances around it

Would you be prepared to lose your relationship with your mother and sister as a result of pursuing contact with a stranger? Yes, she is your half sister, but she is also a stranger.

Reasonable or not, they feel strongly about this, and you would be setting off a proverbial bomb in your relationships with them. Quite possibly the relationships between them and your children too.

Your mother was horrifically and brutally betrayed by your father. Cheating is horribly abusive and she has obviously never recovered from that abuse. That is not your half sibling's fault, but it is certainly not your mother's.

So don't blame your mother for this, or your sister who obviously empathises with her.

This is entirely 100 percent the fault of your now dead father.

Ah, I misunderstood, apologies.

It's a difficult situation. I'm another one on the other side of this and often wonder about contacting my fathers side of the family who I have never met. Like this thread shows I worry they will think I have ulterior motives so I probably won't bother. It's a shame though as I'm sure we are both pieces in a puzzle that could help each other to know. Personally I'd love to have a face to face meeting with them to see if we're similar and chat about our lives but I'm not sure I'd want longer term contact. It's a bit like an online date, sometimes it's better to just meet in person somewhere public and see how you get on than have a lot of social media interaction and then find you can't stand each other in person. Remember she'll have the same doubts as you. Deep down I fear that the family of a man who had a baby and then abandoned them might also be horrible people, and therefore I am also half of that too and perhaps it would be better not to find that out. Of course in most cases it's nothing like that and the family are totally different but she'll have that worry too as much as you worry about her. Particularly if her letter has been ignored for 4 years. To cope with that she may have hardened herself to the thought that you're all similarly uncaring people and won't appreciate the contact now.

I would crack on.

They arent being reasonable and you have one life.

You're an open and honest person so you plan to lie to them about it? Well, ok then.

I mean, not saying don't lie about it if that suits you, but maybe don't judge them for being evasive if you are planning to lie to them for the rest of their lives.

It's very very sensible and good that you are not rushing into meeting her. Yes, she may want money from you. Yes, she may be bitter, jealous or just a nasty person. She may also be nice, but needy. It might end up meaning not much at all. Or it might work out. All of these are equally possible as you know literally nothing at all about her character.

Do this only if YOU WANT TO. You owe her absolutely nothing. Not a single moment of your time.

You will definitely upset your mother and sister. No question at all. So don't tell them if you decide to go, but do tell them afterwards in a straightforward fashion. They will still be upset with you, don't let them turn it into an argument.

If YOU decide to do this, you need to bear all these realities in mind. It's not a made for TV movie and anyone asking "oooh but why wouldn't you?" is either dumb as a bag of hammers or incredibly naive.

You are an adult and she is your half sister. It's up to you. No-one should make you feel bad for seeing this person if you'd like to and they would be wrong to give you an ultimatum over it.

If you want to meet I'd just meet up on the quiet and say bugger all about it to anyone

You might like her you might have no interest in continued contact

She didn’t create the situation and whatever way you look at it, she is your sister. Dont waste time, reach out.

I had a very similar experience and am very happy to be in contact with my half sisters.