Loathe my coworker, can I asked to be separated from her so I don’t lose my shit

You've suffered an enormous loss and quite rightly want to find out why it happened and who was responsible. Any mother would want the same, I know I would.

The harsh truth is you can never know one way or another if you caught the virus from your colleague or if the illness was the cause of the miscarriage. You can fervently believe it and there's obviously a chance that things happened as you believe but you will never know for sure.

I would try not to think about the would've, should've, could've of the situation which is easier said than done. It's a train of thought that just feeds on itself and is quite destructive. Should she have come in to work knowing she was sick?, would she have if you'd let people know you were pregnant? Again you will never know.

If it were me I would do what I had to to remove myself from the situation, you still feel what you have every right to feel and seeing her is making you feel bad. I'd either leave and find something new or speak to someone at work, explain what's happening and see if you can be moved elsewhere.

I am truely sorry for your loss.

If you are going to quit anyway you might as well complain about her and ask to move or wfh. Worst case scenario is you leave.

I would speak to HR and ask to be separated both physically and managerially.

You will never know for sure what happened, but your anger is understandable. People who knowingly spread infectious diseases are bad people. They don’t stop to consider just how many fragile people or close relatives of fragile people must participate in society.

In would also ask your workplace to review their guidance on attendance while sick. Mine has a strict ban on building entry while knowingly contagious. They have a generous wfh policy so that is not a burden.

You didn't say anything, and sadly, given the timing and nature of thing the virus you caught was unlikely to be related to your loss. I'm really sorry you went through this, but your co-worker is not to blame. It's just an unfair and rubbish situation. I wish you the best of luck for the future.

If you really are in the position not to work for a while, then this is the option i would take if I were you. It is totally understandable that you can't bear to be around this woman, that the associations are just too strong and too powerful for you right now, and that may never change. If we're honest, it probably won't. If you really went down the 'who is to blame for this?' path, you will eventually end up having to think about your own response. She behaved as she did, you behaved as you did. Neither of you are to blame for your miscarrriage and it is certainly out of the question for you to take this to her. I absolutely think you should prioritise your wellbeing and give yourself some time to breathe and grieve. You will get through this.

You're not a nutter at all. Take your time to figure what will be best for you x

I think you need to be careful not to misplace anger here. It’s incredibly unlikely anyone could confirm there was a link. Suggest it perhaps, but confirming is incredibly unlikely without extremely detailed and rigorous testing. You’ve had a history of difficulties in conceiving and it’s just as likely this was sadly not going to be a viable pregnancy but as I said, I think it’s important to be careful not to misplace feelings of anger and to look for someone to blame as it could develop into much deeper resentment and is unlikely to end well.

Tell her what she did snd then ask your boss to move you.

Just wanted to send some love and hugs your way OP, I know it wasn’t what you asked for but I would feel the same as you do so can’t really offer any good advice! I have adenomyosis and stage 4 endometriosis too, riddled with it. I’m very lucky to have DS now, but had 3 miscarriages before and 1 after. I really hope it happens for you next time, if you decide to try again, and hope you have plenty of people you can lean on in real life too xxx

Got a home Covid test which did confirm Covid.

did your colleague have Covid? Cause if she did, it might be more traceable back to her.

A lot of people don’t test for covid anymore, so there is a chance she would say she didn’t have covid and therefore didn’t cause your illness.

Firstly I’m sorry for your loss, but I doubt that you have a valid complaint against her. The only valid aspect is that she wasn’t following proper hygiene practices.

I’m just trying to gauge how your employer may respond to your complaint. It would have been better had you raised your concerns on the day, as she will likely deny her behaviour now especially if she is accused of causing a miscarriage.

I know you have strong feelings but you state that your miscarriage was because your body couldn’t handle being unwell and pregnant - that cannot be attributed to her. I doubt they will remove her from her role in relation to you over this as your complaint wouldn’t be upheld.

So you can complain and hope the business sees that it is impossible for you both to work together regardless of it being upheld. But as it’s an entry level role and she’s your supervisor, you don’t have much power. I therefore think you risk being managed out…

What you might want to do instead is take some extended time off work due to the miscarriage and maybe spend that time applying for other jobs if you feel able to. You might also want to see if your employer can allocate you to a different role within the company, when you return to work and base it more around your wellbeing as opposed to the dynamics.

I think you've every reason to feel aggrieved. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I’m really sorry you’ve been through this x

Totally understand your feelings you are by far not a bully just for wanting to not work with her or be around her.
You are trying to come to terms with losing your baby this is huge and your anger will be vented somewhere she is a trigger it's very understandable.
She should of been mindful in not passing on her virus, if someone was sneezing by me , I'd tell them straight to get out my space its disgusting.
Be kind to you and give yourself time to grieve for your baby big hugs xx

Oh @ThePunnyPeachPoet I am so angry for you as well.
There’s a lot of grief to process here, and it is going to take a long time to recover, both physically and mentally.
I am extremely angry with your colleague; your reaction to not want to work with her again is understandable.
She was an arsehole for spreading that damn virus about.
I gently ask that you do speak to management; the culture of coming into work when ill has got to change. We are not in Victorian times anymore.
This has had a devastating effect on your personal life, and that of your partner.
Please get as much support as you can, from loved ones, good friends, and perhaps professionally should you require to.
It will be a difficult journey, but it can be done. I know you will smile again. And laugh. And love.
But you won’t feel any of this right now.

Hold on tight, be ever so gentle with yourself, I wish you well. 💐

I'm very sorry for your loss OP. I have had two miscarriages myself, and after the last one I asked my consultant if it was anything I could have done, and he said a healthy pregnancy will hold on 'through fire, famine and flood'. I have also known two people who had bad bouts of covid during pregnancy; and one friend underwent chemotherapy during pregnancy and their babies were fine, so I think it wasn't helpful and perhaps even irresponsible for the person at the pregnancy unit who said your body's response to the virus was to blame.

Honestly OP if you can afford it I’d take sick leave, then you can avoid her and you said yourself you aren’t coping

Don’t beat yourself up about this. You can go mad thinking about what ifs. Like you said you are on your probationary period. Plus if your superior looks sicker than you then it’s awkward to say you need to go home.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

this
is
not
your
fault

I’m very sorry for your loss OP. I had a miscarriage shortly after my neighbour started unapproved demolition work that would have severely affected our house, I felt then that the stress of it triggered my miscarriage and have always blamed her. In fact, there could have been any number of reasons why I miscarried, including that the pregnancy was never going to be viable.

She may have had reasons why she couldn’t WFH, or call in sick. She must have felt really ill to be at work with Covid, she wouldn’t have been there recklessly, but because she didn’t have a choice.

I completely understand your sadness and anger, and the need to put it somewhere. No advice but I wish you all the luck in the world with achieving another pregnancy.

I think you could go on sick leave and look for another job

I truly think under these circumstances you need a fresh start

It is understandable that you are looking for someone to blame you have really been through it.

it is also unfair that you are blaming your colleague unfortunately miscarriages are really common and there can often be no reason found.

take some time off work look after your health, loosing your job won’t help with your long term goals

Thats appalling. I am so, so, sorry OP. I have no words for this.

I would explain and ask for a move, tbh.