Loathe my coworker, can I asked to be separated from her so I don’t lose my shit

I’m sorry for your loss and people should absolutely be as hygienic as possible at work and wfh if possible if they are ill.

However, I don’t think this thread is helpful in fuelling your hatred towards her. Women do not stay in healthy bubbles whilst pregnant, loads of women get really ill when pregnant and do not go on to miscarry. I had the most awful chest infection in my first pregnancy and did not miscarry. I, and plenty of other women, will catch colds and viruses and not miscarry.

She probably gave you the virus, that is clear and maybe it contributed, it’s also quite possible that it didn’t contribute, it could have been nothing to do with it and you could have miscarried anyway. You are angry and want someone to blame, I get it, but other people do not stop living their lives when you are pregnant, illnesses go around, especially around offices and these illnesses do not typically cause miscarriage.

You could benefit from grief counselling. I wish you all the best in having a baby.

Sorry. I misread you post.

Op, you’re on probation… how long have you been there?

in your shoes, if I liked the job and wanted to stay, I would wait until if passed my probation before asking for this.

This is devastating. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I've put a very gentle YABU, because she didn't know you were pregnant or concerned about illness, and it is quite normal to go into work if unwell but able to.
However this is a horrendous situation and I can understand why you don't want to be near her.
In your situation I would be looking to change jobs so you don't have to see her again as it's going to be a trigger for your trauma.

As a slightly separate thing, I had a very high risk pregnancy and got very unwell with covid during it whilst at risk of preterm labour after having medication to stop me dilating further, but that pregnancy went to term, whereas I lost another pregnancy when I was completely healthy.
The body will generally prioritise the baby over the mothers health (consider how even women starving and unwell without medical treatment carry pregnancies, and prior to medication hyperemesis would kill women rather than causing miscarriage) and many women miscarry whilst completely healthy due to chromosome issues or similar.
Were you able to have tests to check if there was a cause with the development or chromosome difference?

op I’m so sad reading your post. How devastating to lose this long awaited precious pregnancy. I’m hoping you conceive again very soon.

a viral infection in early pregnancy is very dangerous to the baby(fetus not sure of the correct term to use here) I absolutely feel the infection/ the fever /the viral illness could have precipitated the miscarriage. Did you get it from her? Not sure but not an unreasonable feeling in this situation .

I too could not reconcile my miscarriage with her selfish inconsiderate behavior. I would look for work elsewhere because I know she would always always trigger me and I would be unable to properly grieve due to my anger towards her.

Take time to heal and don’t lose hope. Your baby is not here yet but soon. ❤️

This. And I’d go further. Ask to be separated from her and put in a grievance. Tell the organisation what you were advised by your medical professionals. The organisation should be telling any employee that can work from home to do so if they are unwell. They are risking the health (and potentially additional sick leave from the company’s perspective) of other employees and their relatives, by allowing sick people who do not need to be there to come into work.

I’m so so sorry this happened to you OP.

I am very sorry for your loss
the question you asked was was it reasonable for you to ask your work to separate you - I would definately talk to your hr contact about options. No harm in doing that - especially if you are thinking of moving jobs anyway they might have free therapy sessions you can access.

I’m truly sorry for your loss.
What you’ve been through is devastating, and the situation makes it even harder. Your emotions—grief, anger, helplessness, and the sense of injustice—are completely valid.
While your coworker may not have intended harm, her decision to come to the office visibly unwell was irresponsible and inconsiderate, especially since she could have worked from home.
You didn’t have the chance to protect yourself or your baby, leaving you unfairly trapped in that situation.
Now, as you recover from both the illness and a heartbreaking miscarriage, being expected to sit next to someone who may have contributed to this is an unreasonable ask.
You’re not a bully for wanting to move seats. You’re prioritizing your mental health, managing trauma, and staying functional at work. It’s about survival, not revenge. After such a painful experience, it’s natural for being near her to trigger you.
If you can, consider talking to HR or a trusted manager. Explain that sitting beside her is emotionally difficult due to recent events. You don’t need to share every detail, just enough for them to understand. A supportive workplace should accommodate this, considering the toll it’s taken on you.
You’re not weak or overreacting—you’re grieving and doing your best to cope. Please be kind to yourself. Sending love and strength—you deserve care and understanding.

I don't understand all the posts saying it's not this woman's fault. She was irresponsible and selfish. I would let her know and hopefully make her feel guilty enough so that she never does anything like that again to anyone else.

That is just awful. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Your anger is completely valid. If you are staying at your current job, you'll need to find ways of dealing with it without it affecting your future in the company. Do you have an Employee Support programme? You can talk to someone about what's happened and perhaps get some counselling to help you process what has happened.

Sending you big hugs ♥️

OP I'm so sorry for your loss. Just wanted to share that I also had a loss following years of infertility and endometriosis and it was devastating...then had an unexpected pregnancy 3 months later. Life can be very cruel but don't lose hope.

I really wish you all the best luck, it sounds like you need some more time off from work to process everything you've gone through.

I am so sorry for your loss OP & your feelings are valid & understandable. I agree your colleague should not have gone into work with such a dreadful virus. If there is anything at all to say in her defence & its difficult, the fact is she didn't know you were pregnant & given you did know there was the option to feign illness & go home. This is probably the last thing you want to read but it may help you to look at the bigger picture & understand although this was a terrible thing to happen to you nobody was 100% to blame. Covid took so much away from so many. It was a devastating time which has had long lasting repercussions in so many ways for everyone affected.

I hope in time & when you feel ready you will go on to have a successful pregnancy.

I am so very sorry for your loss, this happened to a close relative and she never found out the reason despite many medical follow ups.

I don't know if these people might be able to help support you, https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Sending you very best thoughts and wishes for happier times ahead.

As someone who had 2nd semester losses I deeply empathise with you @ThePunnyPeachPoet. I am sorry. Xx

"Some people learnt nothing from Covid"... this applies also to people who don't say, I am in touch with vulnerable people, I need to sit away from you if you are not wearing a mask while you are coughing and sneezing, it's nothing personal. Or make up any excuse and get out of there. This is why 'blame' is such a bad idea. It's not going to help the OP.

She is a cow. Selfish cow.

It's totally natural and fair to blame her as the most probable cause of your illness.

I suppose the question is, if you were pregnant again and working with her, would you have options to protect yourself from her irresponsibility?

I'm sorry about your baby, op. That is devastating. I would be absolutely raging in your position at your co-worker. Bloody thoughtless and selfish. It is basic courtesy not to spread your viruses around anyway, but so many people have hidden health conditions which makes it even more important. I don't know what you can do workwise, but I am wishing you the absolute best for a full recovery to health and a future successful pregnancy, though I know it doesn't help now with this loss.

Right but co worker didn’t take that action …. OP needs to take responsibility herself. Not just sit there seething.

YANBU OP, I’m so sorry for your loss I was hesitant about your post at first because work culture in some places does mean that people just have to come in when ill, unless it is so severe they are genuinely unable to move - or they can risk losing their jobs. But then I saw that she said she can work from home! So selfish of her. She was likely thinking of how determined she’d look to the higher ups by coming in ill, rather than considering if any of her colleagues could be vulnerable or even responsible for looking after vulnerable people too. Not knowing it was Covid was no excuse, as she clearly knew how nasty it was.

Try to think that you only did what most pregnant people would do by working as normal, and that (assuming you are Covid vaccinated) there was little you could have done - as even if you’d made an excuse to leave after it was clear she was very ill, you very likely would have already been exposed by then (first sneeze and it’s already in the air).

Try to focus on the future, though I don’t blame you for wanting to leave so you don’t see her. Can you take/can you afford to take some unpaid leave, while you think about next options? Be it a new job eventually or just biting the bullet, (especially if you are thinking of leaving anyway so who cares if anyone is offended) and speaking to the higher ups to see if there’s anywhere you could move to.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP - I would find it hard to get past it all too. Even if you weren’t pregnant she still shouldn’t have come in so ill - no one deserves to be infected by a virus at work and she said herself how bad it was.
im unsure as to whether asking to be moved will help - will work really facilitate it? My work would say something along the lines of she didn’t know you were pregnant, you can’t prove it caused the miscarriage and you both need to find a way to get along.
could you ask your gp to sign you off sick for a few more weeks and in the meantime seek grief counselling. I know that is not going to solve your situation but it might help you think your options through clearly so you don’t make any rash decisions.

OP, Covid is so easily caught at the moment. I was in my sons company very briefly, recently, no sneezing or coughing and I had an awful dose 36 hours later that I am trying to get over 2 weeks later.
Its highly contagious.
Obviously her hygiene was disgusting and the outcome for you has been horrific, but don't blame yourself for not leaving.
Brief contact would have been enough.
Go job hunting as your view of her won't change.
Wishing you well.

Could the same not be said of the inconsiderate person next to her? "my daughter works on a ward with an outbreak.. maybe I need to isolate?"

Really not feeling your reply tbh

For future reference, and meant kindly, please never say and now you know your body is capable of pregnancy, it’s deeply insensitive and causes further pain

I'm so sorry you lost your baby.

Some people learnt nothing from covid. Lord help us when the next pandemic hits cos its not going to be mild like covid...

I would let HR know what happened. The company should not be encouraging people to come into work ill.

I would ask to be moved to a different team but they may be no better. The average IQ is just 100...

You've been through an awful experience, but I don't think it's fair to blame her.

No fuck that noise, I'd be blaming the shit out of her! Rationally or not.. also even though she didn't know OP was pregnant what kind of person does that? Coughing & spluttering all the while mentioning her daughter works on a ward with a Covid outbreak?? Have the last few years taught us all nothing about solcial etiquette regarding colds, flu's & virus, jaysus I'm still a bit iffy sharing a lift with older people because whilst I'm reasonable healthy & young they are not!

@ThePunnyPeachPoet I'm so sorry for your loss x & I'm sorry I have no words of comfort or advise