Loathe my coworker, can I asked to be separated from her so I don’t lose my shit

"I walked out of a coffee shop last week as the women in front was coughing all over the counter. When it's someone you know or see tho it's harder to be rational."

That is irrational behaviour.

So sorry for your loss but you are being unreasonable to basically blame her for your loss.

Tooth pain may be because you are clenching your teeth/grinding teeth at night because you are stressed about this woman.

You are grieving and are entitled to take time off if you need to. Re long term situation is more tricky tho.

You may need to look
For another job but bear in mind where ever you work you will come across these people. I walked out of a coffee shop last week as the women in front was coughing all over the counter. When it's someone you know or see tho it's harder to be rational. Particularly when something happens down the road that really affected you.

I would definitely approach your gp for support or pay for private services so you can work this through and talk to your HR or line manager. It's a bereavement and needs to be taken seriously. Xxx

Sorry for your loss. Being angry won't help you heal though x

Op when you say you’re on probation… how long have you been there?

I think that tooth ache is a blessing in disguise!

Take time out today and then don’t worry about this and about your job and who you sit with, raise it with HR and HSE when you’re next back at work and let them worry about it and get you into a safer seat in the office and sort things out for you at work.

In regards to your emotions, anyone would be feeling like you are especially after 3 years of trying as well so maybe speak to a sympathetic ear, perhaps HR can get you in contact with a counsellor or someone.

I think this anyone would feel this way .. look after you you matter in this more than anyone .
You and your partner/husband matter.
Take time just for you xx

I came to say exactly this. The Mirror Crak´d.
So, so selfish of her. I think I would change jobs too, op, I totally get what you are saying.

The Mirror Crack'd

In a public space setting that is correct but as an employee of a workplace you are obliged to be responsible for your own and other people’s health and safety. This is why one can be disciplined for unsafe acts at work such as not wearing PPE for example.

This is obviously more of a grey area and no one can say for sure that the illness caused the unfortunate result as well so it’s tricky.

Some of us learned that saying locked away at home doesn’t actually help in the long run. If it did, there wouldn’t have been so many deaths from covid.

No you are not responsible for anyone else. Its up to other people to remove themselves from situations if they don't feel safe.
I'm responsible for me and my kids and no one else. That might come across as selfish but I can't control anyone else

I send so many sympathies to you and love your way. But I do think you’re being unreasonable and basically blaming her for the loss of your baby. I worked in an office and I remember turning up to work basically on my death bed because I couldn’t afford to have days off (I lived by myself on the outskirts of London. With one wage I couldn’t afford any days off). Plus I had a low immune system, my work would berate me for having constant days off so I had no other choice than to go in

This Is real life, so many people experience it where you just ‘get on with it’. The sad thing is, even if you didn’t get sick from your coworker you could have gone into a supermarket and picked up a bug, public transport, even a pharmacy. You can’t hate one person when she didn’t intentionally do anything wrong.

I know what you’re saying and it may be a sad fact of workplaces today, however I would hope they would be concerned about this. They may not understand the full ramifications it could have on their business, but HSE would certainly know. They may not be concerned about the inconvenience of colds passing on usually, but the nature of this case would be cause for concern for any business. How far each business would take it I don’t know but they would be concerned for sure.

It is a shame the OP didn’t notify of the pregnancy earlier as their would be far more liability in this case, but there still is liability there.

What I’m saying is there’s no point in the OP being angry or worrying about sitting near the person etc., because as soon as HSE/ HR hear about this, it will be there problem to worry about sort and something most likely will be sorted out, even if it’s just a desk move but I would think it would be more than that!

I've stated YANBU for wanting to sit away from her. People do stupid things all the time but it's not healthy to be so angry at her. I'd kindly suggest you seek a bereavement counsellor who specializes in miscarriage and fertility, and potentially take more time off if you're struggling to be professional at work.

I don’t share your confidence. HR are far more worried about attendance management than they are about people passing on colds and OP hadn’t informed them of her pregnancy.

I’m not arguing but I am genuinely interested if there is a single publicised case of a work place being held accountable for colds/cold like viruses being passed around.

I think the problem with this thread, or any thread regarding catching an illness, it's that it attracts all the irrational hypochondriacs, germophobes and OCDers that feel entitled to demand the world is ordered around their irrational fears.

Getting ill and catching minor ailments is part of the human condition. It can't be avoided and, for otherwise healthy people, shouldn't be avoided. Our immune systems benefit from a regular workout.

My wife is a teacher and we have young children. We have her school, our children's school, my commute and get commute spreading germs and infections to our family. If we shutdown our lives every time we got a minor illness, we'd never leave the house.

Expecting the whole of society to pander to the demands of those with 'health anxiety' is completely unreasonable.

The OP has been through an awful experience, but some of the responses on this thread are bonkers. The coworker hasn't really done anything wrong.

This lady was entitled to live her life as normal but should have done so in a safe and healthy way, the fact of whether she knows about people’s vulnerabilities around her should make no difference to how she behaves at work. So still living her life means still working but keeping her distance and coughing and sneezing into an elbow, and even better working from home. She has not abided by the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974 and the business have not taken reasonable practicable steps to prevent work place illnesses.

The reason it’s a problem and why there are stringent health and safety requirements at work compared to other public places is because a vulnerable person does not have a choice to leave an office like they could do a cinema or supermarket if someone us ill around them and the OP does not have the ability to work from home so she had no ability to protect herself, the only people who could protect her were her work colleague and her workplace and they failed to do so.

Yes she could have got ill at any time throughout the pregnancy that is true and it could be from anywhere but there was a clear lack of protection of others health and safety from work colleagues here and a lack of reasonably practicable steps from her employer to prevent workplace illnesses, which meant she received a large viral load over an extended period of time from someone who was in very close range.

This is not an issue of hatred towards this woman, moving desks, whether the OP is right to be angry or whether someone was considerate or not, it’s a legal issue now and it should be left with HR to resolve this. The OP can leave it in their capable hands and thus let go of anger because someone else can deal with this properly on her behalf. I’m very sure HR will be taking the issue incredibly seriously once they know about it.

I’m very sorry for your loss op. I suffer from endometriosis so I have some understanding of the misery it causes. I understand how devastating your miscarriage was and really feel for you.

However. I think you are grieving and therefore your thoughts processes are not objective or rational atm, and that you are in danger of harming your career if you bring this situation up with management or your colleague. HR would ask for proof and you don’t have it. And I don’t think it would be fair to your colleague to blame her for something that may not be her fault.

Sorry to be so blunt but you can’t know for sure that your colleague was the cause of this virus. Viruses like this are often most contagious way before symptoms are present, so germs are spread days before anyone is aware they are ill, and you could just have easily caught it on your commute or in the supermarket doing your weekly shop.

I think the real problem is that you have returned to work too soon. In your shoes op, I would go to your doctor and say you need some more more time off work. And during that time I would go away on holiday for a week to somewhere you haven’t visited before to allow you to completely relax, and also I would arrange to see a bereavement counsellor on your return. 💐

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. It must be utterly heartbreaking.

Your colleague is extremely selfish and I think you are justified feeling as you do. It’s incredibly selfish to bring a highly contagious virus into work whether or not anyone else might be vulnerable as who wants to catch that? Plus her behaviour in not doing anything to keep the germs to herself is revolting.

I’m not sure what you can say to your managers re keeping away from her but I would definitely explain. It sounds like you could do with being signed off for a while.

That is absolutely horrendous I’m so sorry.

In your situation I don’t think I could even face walking into that office again let alone working alongside someone like that.

This really annoys me, it annoyed me before Covid but it annoys me even more now. It’s like after everything we went through no one has learnt anything. It’s simple if you’re sick work from home if you can, cough into your hand or elbow, wash your hands and keep your distance. A illness that might be an inconvenience for one person might be catastrophic for someone who is vulnerable, has someone at home on chemo or who is looking after elderly relatives. It’s not up to people to share their vulnerabilities with people around them, but it is up to people who are sick to be considerate of others.

In my opinion you should speak to HR about a general concern you have about office health and safety, under the health and safety at work act 1974 every colleague is responsible for their own and protecting others health and safety, this colleague had no regard for anyone’s health and safety around her and regardless of the unfortunate consequences in this case should be spoken to as a matter of course anyway just like she would if she was behaving in other reckless ways. I would bring up the miscarriage with HR and explain that you can’t be sure because miscarriage can be caused by a number of things but in all likelihood it was caused by the inflammation as a result if the illness. They will take the matter very seriously because they had a duty of care to you regardless of them knowing about your pregnancy and did not do everything reasonably practicable to prevent harm to you and are therefore liable.

Sorry for your loss, OP.
I hope you continue to recover from the virus.
I do think it would be worth talking to HR about sickness policy and reminding staff about taking measures to avoid spreading bugs, staying away when ill (taking sick days if too ill or unable to wfh). Also we have just got some souped up air filters in our office which are meant to purify the air. I don't think you would be unreasonable to have a stash of wipes etc at your desk and a mask so that if someone did come in with a noticeable bug in future you could take some steps. Or to step away yourself.

I do think blaming your colleague for your miscarriage is unfair. She didn't know you were pregnant and you don't know that the virus caused it.

You may struggle to catch on while you’re so full of anger. I think you should try & find a new job. I wish you peace.