Loathe my coworker, can I asked to be separated from her so I don’t lose my shit

If you want to talk about "high degree of probability" that the OP's colleague caused the OP's miscarriage and that the OP should tell her that, then you need to provide the probability calculations. If you really think this is in the OP's interest, so much so that she should carry on thinking about this and even take it to HR, then give the OP the evidence she needs.

Agree 100%

OP needs to take some time to get some distance … if she goes emotionally blaming and accusing & demanding at this work, she will not put herself in a good situation.

The situation will not be clear to others, others might not see the blame as clearly as OP thinks.

i do think she needs to change jobs as she is not likely to progress happily at this employer.

It was intentional because manager has flex to WFH. She came in full of disease, which then spread, as disease is want to do.

I agree and while it might not be simple cause and effect , there is high degree of probability here that selfish idiotic germspraying woman caused this tragedy

I’m with you OP. Does she know now you miscarried. You should tell her if she’d WFH when sick instead of selfishly bringing her germs to work you might still be carrying your baby. Yes ask to wotk away from her.

Wow. The lack of empathy in some of these replies is... genuinely astonishing.
OP already acknowledged that her feelings are tangled up with grief and that she knows her anger isn't purely rational. She came here not to start a witch hunt, but to process a traumatic loss, in a situation where she felt physically vulnerable, emotionally raw, and professionally powerless.
This isn’t a court of law, and OP isn't trying to sue “Covid patient zero.” She's trying to make sense of an unbearable experience — one where someone with the privilege of working from home chose to come into the office visibly unwell and didn’t even attempt to cover her mouth when sneezing, in a shared, designated-desk space. That isn’t “chain of causation,” it’s just inconsiderate behavior with real-world consequences.
Grief is messy. Trauma does scramble logic. The only thing “crazy” here is expecting someone to suffer a miscarriage and then process it like a detached academic.
If you can’t offer kindness, maybe just offer silence. Because OP didn’t come here for a debate club — she came here for support.

I really think we need to be more mindful of the tone when responding to someone who is clearly grieving and in pain.
Yes, nobody is saying the coworker intentionally caused the miscarriage — OP acknowledged multiple times that she knows it's not a simple cause-and-effect situation. But it’s also fair (and very human) to feel deep frustration when someone who could have worked from home chose instead to come in while visibly unwell — coughing, sneezing, spreading germs in a shared space — and then a terrible tragedy followed.
It’s not about blaming someone for OP’s "genetics" — it’s about recognising how vulnerable some people are in pregnancy (especially those with complex medical histories), and how utterly helpless it feels to be stuck next to someone who doesn’t take basic precautions.
OP is in the aftermath of a devastating loss. That’s not the time to debate immunology or make comparisons like "Covid was mild for me so it’s not a big deal." That minimises her experience and pain — and we can do better than that here.
Let’s offer her the space, compassion, and support she deserves.

Perhaps that post was reported because it was utterly uncalled for. It does not help the OP to talk about her colleague like that. People are wondering why some posters are not all out fuelling the OP's feeling of hatred in this way and it's because, again, it doesn't help the OP who is going through a terrible time. There is no question that coughing and sneezing without covering your mouth is gross and inconsiderate. The OP and the rest of her colleagues have every right to feel resentful of that. But that is where it ends. Beyond that, the OP has an irrational but understandable desire to distance herself from her manager. Encouraging the OP to pursue feelings of intense blame and hatred around her miscarriage will not absolve the OP of the equally irrational regret she is harbouring of not having moved or put on a mask or anything else she could have done. The simple fact is no one is to blame for this desperately sad and painful experience the OP is still trying to come to terms with. It is human nature to look for a cause and a figure of blame when something terrible happens but it hinders rather than helps in the long run. When someone is going through it, we can listen and understand, but joining in and fuelling is perpetuating the problem.

This thread is crazy, one of the most unreasonable ive ever read. Maybe try investigating who gave covid to the co worker in the first place? Or track done covid patient zero and blame them? Because that's how ridiculous this is, OP is forgiven somewhat for thinking irrationally as she is grieving but people agreeing are only fuelling the fire. It's a chain of causation example, the end result and the cause are so remote with so many factors in the middle that the two cannot be linked.

Why?? She’s talking about the woman who OP works with so why have you reported it??

Reported

It was very clear from the start of Covid that it was dangerous for pregnant women.

The colleague could have phoned in sick or worked from home but she chose to come in and take no precautions to keep her germs away from her colleagues. She didn't cover her mouth and nose while coughing and sneezing so it was pretty inevitable that she would pass this on to her colleagues.

Yikes. Please seek help.

You poor darling. I am so sorry. You have every right to be angry.

I don’t think you can realistically work with this woman any more, she is a constant reminder of the trauma of losing your baby.

I wish you all the best.

Even if you hadn't been pregnant, the fact that the idiot came into work ill and made you and goodness knows who else unwell, is enough to despise her for her stupidity.

It's a horrible situation but this is misplaced anger and I think you are being very unreasonable. Yes she could have worked from home, but she chose not to for her own reasons. Just like you chose to not disclose your pg or to wear a mask or pause work to sanitise. You have no idea why the MC happened it's almost always that the foetus is incompatible with life and there isn't a thing you could have done differently to prevent it. Blaming your co worker is a very big reach and unfair.

Has covid taught these types of idiots nothing? If you're unwell and coughing & sneezing, and obviously infectious STAY THE FUCK AT HOME!

No you're not unreasonable to be unhappy with her.

No one should have needed Covid to realise & KNOW that open mouth coughing & sneezing or even into your hand &/or leaving used tissues around is a health hazard, my child & pupils as young as 7 (in my school) know this, it's up there with washing your hands & to a lesser extent chewing with your mouth open, it's disgudting, surely they're just basic levels of sanitation?

Sorry not trying to derail my mind is just blown at this mentality

I think the best thing you can do is find another job. What happened is awful but she wasn’t to know you were pregnant.

It is absolutely vile gaslighting and bullying to accuse the ops coworker of being responsible for her losing her baby because she came into work sick. It hasn’t even been definitively proven that was the reason. Op could definitely find herself in some HR hot water if she goes down that track. Poor form everyone on this thread winding the op up further when she is grieving.

I think I understand it. There are vile, gaslighting bullies on this site who swoop down like vampire bats on anyone that shows the slightest vulnerability.

But even if the colleague passed on the illness, it’s not her fault that OP has a weak immune system and is more susceptible to serious illness. Most people wouldn’t associate Covid with miscarriage - I had Covid and it was like a cold. I wasn’t seriously unwell and was working (albeit from home as this was 2021) throughout it.

You can’t transpose blame on the colleague for OP’s genetics I’m afraid.

At this point I have to think the coworker is one of the people in this thread. All other things being equal, she probably got sick from the coworker who came in visibly ill that same week and made not the faintest effort to protect anyone else in the office. And the miscarriage probably had something to do with her becoming deathly ill at the same time.

Everything this coworker did is aggressively selfish. She chose to come in sick on more than one occasion when she had the option of working from home. Then she failed to show the basic courtesy one would expect even from a child who was ill around others, let alone a 50 something year old woman.

And you excuse all this vile behavior, but somehow asking to switch seats is an overreaction?