To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

The 1950s called and wants it's Catholic mother's back!
I know a lot of Catholic mothers and they are nothing like this!

I think Your MIL wants to get your DD into a Catholic Primary and will need a Roman Catholic Baptism Certificate to enrol.

"I don’t think MIL sees this as a full baptism — more like a blessing or dedication. But she is calling it a “proper” one and acting like ours doesn’t count ... at DD’s christening and [she] smiled her way through it. If she thought it was all for show, why bother?"

Your MIL is being extremely disengenious here. She's attended a full Church of England Christening, complete with Godparents of your choice, which makes your DD a member of the Cof E church, able to apply to a CoE school.

I think MIL is calling her RC ceremony a "proper" one - because that's what she's intending, a proper RC Baptism. But she's describing it to you as "more like a blessing" because she's hoping you won't catch on until the ceremony is underway. She smiled her way through your Cof E Christening because she had already plans to do this. You might have even found some Catholic Godparents primed and ready to stand up.

Speak to the Vicar who christened your DD before you speak to Fr Liam so you can get the actual facts on what each of these ceremonies mean, as there's lots of disinformation on this thread including confusing RC Baptism and Cof E Christening

I really doubt that Father Liam has any idea that your DD has already been Christened a member of the CoE church, as MIL's probably described the original ceremony as "more like a blessing" to him too. So it's probably not his fault and is not something he'd want to be in the middle of.

The clerical community is not that big and have lots of ecumenical ties, and they may well know of each other. MIL might have thought to persuade you into having the RC baptism, because the family (MIL) expects it.. but having spoken to both your Vicar and Fr Liam you will be well briefed to say no to this.

Father Liam will be able to confirm if MIL did in fact book an RC Baptism or just a blessing. I think its really important to establish that before having any kind of disagreement over it.
If it really is just a blessing, then you can relax a bit and just insist that you are not changing the child's name. There won't be any need to fall out over it, it will just be a rather nice blessing of your child, and you will have been well warned in advance to stick to your boundaries with MIL. But make sure you know the facts before you lay down the law with MIL and all his family or you could be starting something, which if you were more tactical, could just be quietly managed instead.

BTW... as your DH comes from a very religious family, Did you marry in Church?... CofE or R Catholic? Its surprising that MIL didn't say anything when you first mentioned a Christening.

Your DH was brought up by a staunch Catholic mother, so he must have some knowledge about these things drummed into him.

DC is already baptised. You can’t do
it twice, it’s a sin.

‘Nanny’s a wicked old heretic, children.

’Stay away from Godless Gran.’

Tell Father Liam.

Point out to her that hubris/pride is one of the Deadly Sins! She needs to pipe down and stay in her own lane.

Just had a though - I don't know about the Catholic Church in the UK but in Poland one can usually give some donation in exchange of the mass being offered for somebody's health/in memory of somebody/for newly weds' happiness etc. Normally the 'intention' of the mass is announced at the beginning of the mass and then there is another mention during one of the customary prayers. That person or people do not have to attend at all.

Is there any chance this is something like this rather than a separate ceremony?

Lunacy. Tell her nobody is coming because it's not happening, end of discussion.

You and DH need to hold firm boundaries here, she cannot interfere in decisions regarding your DD unless you specifically ask for her involvement. I would be staying as far away from her as possible, personally.

I’m baptised C of E, my DD was baptised C of E and we used to attend an Anglo-Catholic church. She’s engaged to a Jewish man. If they have children, I won’t be interfering.

I had a very poorly baby, 30 years ago. As a Catholic, I Baptised him myself as I wanted it done . An hour later the Anglican hospital Chaplin popped in to provide spiritual comfort. He said the Catholic Chaplin was unavailable and would I want my baby baptised. I gladly accepted. The next day the Catholic priest came and Blessed him and gave him The Last Rights. Both Chaplins were lovely and a great comfort to us. My son had his official Christening in the my local Catholic Church and party 9 months later.

Your MIL is wrong!

Please inform her priest of your DD full name, that she has already been Christened. You vould email him a copy of her Christening Certificate. Give your MIL a copy too!

How old is your MIL? Where is she from?
Has she never heard of Churchs Together?

I would be very busy on the day of her unnecessary service.
It is very bizarre behaviour on her part.
Not sure I would want her babysitting your DD.

As an aside my MIL wasn't amused that it was in a Catholic Church. She wanted a CofE service but she didn't even go to Church!

Its a Dee Dee v. DD situation

Hope speaking to the Priest goes smoothly. And I assume there will be a lot of fall out from MIL so good luck with that.

Oh I’m outraged on your behalf. What a sanctimonious, self-righteous cow your mother in law is.

Very glad your OH developed a backbone and is standing up for you. If this isn’t stopped now, MIL is going to keep pushing for things and think she will get away with it.

Invested in what Father Liam says!

Well no, obviously there is another possibility here which is that the entirely unverified story MIL has told OP is bollocks.

Not in a gazillion years

Or stay in, not answer the door, and mute MIL. She’ll get the message.

If that is what this priest thinks, he is out of step with the Catholic Church. His own employer. Which nowadays recognizes baptism/christening in other churches.

That would be a hard “thanks, but no thanks” from me. I’d make sure to go out somewhere for the day.

Bloody peculiar and doubly so as you say you and your husband are not religious. Tell her not a chance.

And?

What's she going to do?

Shout at you? Try and bully you?

It demonstrates the point that shes got a problem not you.

I am certain that the OP will, and that the priest if he is half decent will play it down so MIL isnt embarrassed, perhaps writing it off as a misunderstanding. But the MIL knowing that the he knows what she did was behind the parents back and perhaps that she lied to him directly will be what gets to her. I hope she doesnt go (more) batshit, but its best to be prepared for that just in case.

ETA I would imagine that it would be something along the lines of her never being able to show her face in that church again and it all being the OP's fault. If she is anything like a person in my family who is a bit like this, there will no accountability whatsoever for her own actions.

Did she actually want your daughter to attend the service or is it literally a blessing he would read out but your daughters/ your attendance isnt required?

Yep. This is where I’d lose my shit. ‘You’re welcome to come’… well yes, it’s my fucking child.

Well, obviously a Catholic priest has agreed to do this!

His boundaries sound as shaky as the MIL's.

Baptism is the only sacrament recognised by all denominations. So he won’t re do it. As it’s valid in any church.

The church may well do that, but some catholics dont.

My ex MIL believes that her non catholic baptised grandchildren are not actually baptised and should be baptised again in her church for it to count. I dont actually know what she thinks about DD who isnt baptised at all as she at least had enough sense not to say anything to me about it. But I can guess....!

The priest won’t baptise a baby on a grandparents say so. And parents have to do a preparation course before it’s done anyway. Priests aren’t stupid.

bear in mind that she will go fucking NUCLEAR when she realises that you have "told on her" to the priest. Having her perfect image ruined in his his eyes will be by far the worst thing to her

I'm sure OP has the sense to keep things pleasant but to the point with the priest, @PyongyangKipperbang, but all the same you could well be right

And while that would be a shame for MIL, it would be the result of her own actions which she might do well to reflect on even though she'll probably just act the victim