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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for the money back?

283 replies

Horses1 · 15/07/2025 12:50

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

OP posts:
Horses1 · 15/07/2025 13:58

Yeah she’s always paid before. And has my bank details as we’re always pinging over for things ( shared teacher Presents, joint stuff etc) .

I think I wrote on here as I’m someone who never forgets to pay. So to me I think she must have purposely not paid, but then again she’s working and busy so maybe she has just forgotten. I know we all work differently in our heads and I’m good at never forgetting to pay and it sits over me- but other people might not be like this.

I think it would be a good idea if I message as awkward as I feel. We’re friends as well , which is probably why I feel awkward but not that close friends we’re on relaxed terms.

To the people asking about the cost and if she agreed- yes I asked if she wanted to bring a packed lunch and she said buy his food up to £20 and she’ll transfer. So it was under and I did things like pack cartons for all the kids and crisps , so I reduced the costs spent at the cafe.

OP posts:
Redlightbulb · 15/07/2025 13:56

Of course ask.
They owe you money.
Just a polite reminder would do.

ramonaquimby · 15/07/2025 13:53

Loveduppenguin · 15/07/2025 12:55

Hey x’s mum, just wondering if you sent in that £15 as I didn’t see it come in, just wanted to make sure it didn’t go to the wrong person or something. Let me know, thanks

Be more assertive than this
hi x, can you please transfer the £15. Thanks!

Daleksatemyshed · 15/07/2025 13:53

Just message her Op, say you can't see the £15 in your account, if she apologies and sends it, end of problem. If she still doesn't pay that's a different story

ManchesterLu · 15/07/2025 13:51

"Hey hope you're ok, just a quick reminder about that £15!"

No need to be apologetic. You're taking THEIR kids out, the very least they can do is cover your costs!

Whenever I went out with my friends' families in the holidays (my friends would come with us too, it was quite equal) my mum would always give me money to buy ice creams for everyone, not just money to cover my own costs.

GladiatoooorsReadyyyy · 15/07/2025 13:48

Does she have form for not paying? If not, just send her a polite reminder, it may well be an innocent oversight.

MounjaroMounjaro · 15/07/2025 13:45

Don't be silly, OP. Nobody should expect you to take their kids out while they're working and foot the bill for it.

Just send a message reminding her.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:43

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:42

You have the afternoon you deserve.

Okay 🤷🏽‍♀️

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:42

Stressmode · 15/07/2025 13:40

Cheeky fuckers absolutely rely on the fact that a lot of people are reluctant to ‘bother’ them for money etc

Don’t say this because you’ll get called nasty minded like I did by two PP’s 😊 (I agree with you)

fthisfthatfeverything · 15/07/2025 13:42

Maybe tell her if she hasn’t sent it yet could she put it in this account instead- PayPal or another account?

if you don’t get it, it’s cost her more in the long run as I’m sure you won’t be taking her child again!

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:42

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:41

I honestly don’t care, that’s why said okay but you’re still popping off. Go for it!

Edited

You have the afternoon you deserve.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:41

OldMcDonaldHadABigMac · 15/07/2025 13:40

I'm not reaching for anything. I think you are really. Wanting to spend time with your kids is nothing to do with what we were talking about. You automatically (and quite nastily) jumped to the conclusion that the woman is basically taking the piss. I pulled you up on that. I can't imagine how awful it must be to be around someone like you who automatically thinks and says the worst of everyone.

I'll let you go and enjoy your time with those kids of yours, I can't be bothered replying to you anymore, it's tedious. Have the afternoon that you deserve.

I’m not even going to bother reading all that, but okay. Have a lovely day!

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:41

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:40

Are you 12? lol (who even uses that anymore, so cringe worthy)

I honestly don’t care, that’s why said okay but you’re still popping off. Go for it!

Stressmode · 15/07/2025 13:40

Cheeky fuckers absolutely rely on the fact that a lot of people are reluctant to ‘bother’ them for money etc

OldMcDonaldHadABigMac · 15/07/2025 13:40

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:35

You’re really reaching with your attitude. Majority people prefer taking their own kids, some people have even commented this on this thread. I’m nasty because I want to only take my kids out, pay for them and spend time with them? All because I don’t want the hassle of someone else’s kids and them forgetting to pay me? Well, sorry for wanting to only spend time with my kids lol

I'm not reaching for anything. I think you are really. Wanting to spend time with your kids is nothing to do with what we were talking about. You automatically (and quite nastily) jumped to the conclusion that the woman is basically taking the piss. I pulled you up on that. I can't imagine how awful it must be to be around someone like you who automatically thinks and says the worst of everyone.

I'll let you go and enjoy your time with those kids of yours, I can't be bothered replying to you anymore, it's tedious. Have the afternoon that you deserve.

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:40

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:39

Okay lol

Are you 12? lol (who even uses that anymore, so cringe worthy)

Grog123 · 15/07/2025 13:40

Horses1 · 15/07/2025 12:50

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

Oh my goodness - can you be my friend ?!

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:39

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:39

Very easily! People have lives.. honestly, you are sounding a bit deranged. And no, before you start going on about me obviously not paying people, that is not the case, I pay immediately because I DON'T WANT TO FORGET.

Okay lol

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:39

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:36

How can she forget when she’s been messaged the amount and knows OP has taken her child out?

Very easily! People have lives.. honestly, you are sounding a bit deranged. And no, before you start going on about me obviously not paying people, that is not the case, I pay immediately because I DON'T WANT TO FORGET.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:38

dottiedodah · 15/07/2025 13:35

Well you are doing her a massive bloody favour to start with! In future trips I would also say I about X say to cover the cost of ice creams and entrance .I would be asking for it upfront .Call me an old cynic ,but people often seem to "forget" to repay somehow.Also it needs finding from you first, which is unfair .I would say "Hi Jenny ,going to farm outing next week, Tom and Ellie welcome to come along .Just transfer me X amount if they want to come .Also dont seem to have payment from last time .Thanks "

I agree, I’m saying this but getting called nasty minded lol the audacity of some people!

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:37

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:36

Yes but you are not the OP are you? The OP actively enjoys taking other kids out as they are company to hers. Honestly, you sound like very very hard work.

I’m also replying to the comment where I got called “nasty minded”, hence I spoke about myself.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:37

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:36

Yes but you are not the OP are you? The OP actively enjoys taking other kids out as they are company to hers. Honestly, you sound like very very hard work.

Then, she can continue doing that and not take my advice. She posted on a forum where people can comment with their own opinion.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:36

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:34

Jeez... maybe the woman simply forgot?

How can she forget when she’s been messaged the amount and knows OP has taken her child out?

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 13:36

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:33

Nasty minded people? Lol, okay. All because I want to spend time with my own kids and don’t want the hassle of other people kids 😂 along with them forgetting to pay me. Along with free childcare…

Yes but you are not the OP are you? The OP actively enjoys taking other kids out as they are company to hers. Honestly, you sound like very very hard work.

dottiedodah · 15/07/2025 13:35

Well you are doing her a massive bloody favour to start with! In future trips I would also say I about X say to cover the cost of ice creams and entrance .I would be asking for it upfront .Call me an old cynic ,but people often seem to "forget" to repay somehow.Also it needs finding from you first, which is unfair .I would say "Hi Jenny ,going to farm outing next week, Tom and Ellie welcome to come along .Just transfer me X amount if they want to come .Also dont seem to have payment from last time .Thanks "

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