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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for the money back?

283 replies

Horses1 · 15/07/2025 12:50

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

OP posts:
Flyswats · 15/07/2025 16:15

Viviennemary · 15/07/2025 15:25

I think it's awful asking the parents for money for a trip out. If you can't afford to take an extra child then don't ask them. It's really cringey

Did you skip the part about it being a regular arrangement? did you only read the title of the thread, none of the content? Have you started on the bevies early tonight? 😂

PaLilli60 · 15/07/2025 16:14

I don't think this is someone being purposely cheeky or trying to get out of payment. They have just forgotten. No need to say anything to suggest bad intent on their part. Either message and say hi xxx hope you are having a good week. Can you let me know when you have sent me the money for last week? Sorry for chasing. Or do what previous poster said and just add it on to the bill for next time

PaLilli60 · 15/07/2025 16:10

KarmenPQZ · 15/07/2025 13:09

I’d presume they just forgot - easily done. I think you can ask or wait til you take them again and then say. ‘oh and it’s this much for this time and I didn’t get the payment for last one so that’s a total of…’

This

NeedToChangeName · 15/07/2025 16:09

Just ask, as if ordering food in a restaurant ie polite and friendly manner, and assume they'll do what you ask

Moonnstars · 15/07/2025 16:09

Viviennemary · 15/07/2025 15:25

I think it's awful asking the parents for money for a trip out. If you can't afford to take an extra child then don't ask them. It's really cringey

Wow she is doing them a favour by looking after the children and taking them out for the day, saving the parents the cost of childcare and which the child may not enjoy going to, plus says she picks up and drops of to the parents house!
It's a mutually beneficial agreement and I would not expect to take someone out for the day and cover all costs unless it was my child's birthday day out. It is pretty reasonable for the parent to cover the costs of their child going. If it doesn't work for them then they should say that and look at booking into childcare instead.

Digdongdoo · 15/07/2025 16:06

She's probably just forgotten. Send her a gentle reminder.

Caroparo52 · 15/07/2025 15:58

Dear friend.
Hope you saw my message about owing me £15 for Freddies lunch the other day. Not seen it arrive yet. In case you missed it here are my bank details. Thanks

Tink3rbell30 · 15/07/2025 15:58

Definitely remind her. "Hi I haven't received the £15, could you check it please x"

Hankunamatata · 15/07/2025 15:54

My bank account has a request payment option. You could try that

potenial · 15/07/2025 15:47

One small payment is reasonably easily forgotten - just send a reminder and see how she responds, anyone reasonable will say something like 'thanks for the reminder' or 'sorry! Totally forgot, sending it now'. If she's struggling or needs longer to pay, hopefully she's just say 'can I get it to you on payday?'.

If she reacts poorly, or refuses to send it over, say no problem and don't help her out or invite the child out with you again.

Allthegoodhorses · 15/07/2025 15:43

Viviennemary · 15/07/2025 15:25

I think it's awful asking the parents for money for a trip out. If you can't afford to take an extra child then don't ask them. It's really cringey

She quite clearly states in her OP that it is an agreement between them. A joint agreement mutually beneficial on both sides and that the cost of the day out is covered by the parent. I cannot see what is cringey about that.

IF this was not a regular occurrence and the OP invited the child out for the day then asked for the money, then of course that would be different, but this sounds like it is a regular thing which mutually benefits all parties.

IShouldNotCoco · 15/07/2025 15:32

You’re doing her a huge favour and the least she can do is cover food costs for HER children especially with how expensive food is. It’s bloody good of you to provide her with free childcare as is!!

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/07/2025 15:31

Brefugee · 15/07/2025 15:25

oh stop it, i really usually appreciate your posts but you are being bloody patronising here

Show quote history

I am responding to what appears to be some sort of breakdown. (Or tantrum, it's sometimes hard to tell.)

Does the repeated wittering at me seem stable to you? I wouldn't be arsed to go back through a whole thread the way she must have done for all this nidgetting aimed at me for thinking she's been being a bit OTT. Hence the sincere wish she'd go for a walk or have a cuppa and stfu for a bit.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:28

Brefugee · 15/07/2025 15:23

nope. Calling someone nasty minded saying something that we all know happens a lot (because we see people post about it all the time) was pathetic and argumentative.

"oh look at me, i always think the best of everyone and don't have a nasty bone in my body unlike this absolute witch over here"

kind of thing.

It was bloody bizarre.

Edited
Show quote history

Its so weird, they're are so many threads about people forgetting to pay. OP literally got called a mug then cheeky fuckers yet I'm nasty minded lol no one replied to them! I wonder if its one person with multiple accounts..

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:27

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 15/07/2025 13:26

You're providing free childcare, (more fool you), so the least they can do is pay promptly whenever you ask for costs to be covered.

Message her again

What about this: @AskingQuestionsAllTheTime?

ThatHonestFox · 15/07/2025 15:27

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I have a friend like this you have to nudge a couple of times before she pays.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:26

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/07/2025 15:23

"It ain't what you say, it's the way how you say it."

Do go and have a nice walk or something, you'll feel ever so much better.

Show quote history

How is it nice to call someone a mug? I never did name calling?

Viviennemary · 15/07/2025 15:25

I think it's awful asking the parents for money for a trip out. If you can't afford to take an extra child then don't ask them. It's really cringey

Brefugee · 15/07/2025 15:25

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/07/2025 15:23

"It ain't what you say, it's the way how you say it."

Do go and have a nice walk or something, you'll feel ever so much better.

Show quote history

oh stop it, i really usually appreciate your posts but you are being bloody patronising here

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:24

Stressmode · 15/07/2025 13:40

Cheeky fuckers absolutely rely on the fact that a lot of people are reluctant to ‘bother’ them for money etc

What about this: @AskingQuestionsAllTheTime?

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:24

Flyswats · 15/07/2025 15:00

its often called "taking the piss"

Show quote history

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime or this?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/07/2025 15:23

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:22

You've lost the plot. OP got called mug etc for providing free childcare, yet no one replied to those comments but okay..

Show quote history

"It ain't what you say, it's the way how you say it."

Do go and have a nice walk or something, you'll feel ever so much better.

Brefugee · 15/07/2025 15:23

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/07/2025 15:16

I think you've mis-read what's going on, honestly. The consensus has been that OP should ask for the money because it's likely her friend has simply forgotten to pay it, and that SassyTurtle (nobody else) is nasty minded in the manner in which she has assumed immediately that the other person has deliberately decided not to pay for her child's lunch, rather than having forgotten to transfer £15 to OP's account. Oh, and nasty minded for her repeated attacks on people for having said they found the way she has expressed her views and had a go at others rather less than pleasant.

The preference is for OP to be paid what she is owed.

Show quote history

nope. Calling someone nasty minded saying something that we all know happens a lot (because we see people post about it all the time) was pathetic and argumentative.

"oh look at me, i always think the best of everyone and don't have a nasty bone in my body unlike this absolute witch over here"

kind of thing.

It was bloody bizarre.

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:23

Moonnstars · 15/07/2025 14:20

I would message again at a time when she is less likely to see the message, read and then forget about it. So if you know she works 9-5 I would wait til the evening. Poor excuse but I know some people might see a message and read it but then forget to reply or doing anything about it as they are distracted by other things.

You say you don't want to take cash from people because everywhere is card but you could still take the money, pay by card and then either have the cash available to use yourself or if you really wanted to pay it in at the bank. My mum's friend will do this as she doesn't like using her bank card so if they go out my mum pays on card and friend covers her cost by giving her cash.

You are already a bit of a mug as it sounds like you are providing people with free childcare so they could at least cover the costs promptly. I would also be considering asking for payments upfront and saying we are going to go the beach, I am happy to pay parking but if the kids want an ice cream could you please make sure they have some money towards this.

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime, nothing to say about this?

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 15:22

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/07/2025 15:20

"What attacks?"

My dear, if you genuinely are unaware how abrasive you have been being, you really are having a bad day. How about stepping away from the keyboard and taking time off for a cuppa, or going for a short walk?

Edited

You've lost the plot. OP got called mug etc for providing free childcare, yet no one replied to those comments but okay..

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