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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for the money back?

283 replies

Horses1 · 15/07/2025 12:50

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

OP posts:
August1980 · 16/07/2025 22:27

You sound so lovely. Please ask OP. It’s not embarrassing. It may have slipped her mind

cinnamongirl123 · 16/07/2025 21:32

Never feel bad for asking! I often forget and am grateful for a reminder

MyLov · 16/07/2025 20:28

Of course you should send a reminder. It’s not embarrassing. Why would it be? I had to send someone a reminder about 6 times once, I wasn’t embarrassed but was a bit annoyed I had to keep reminding them. I don’t mind one or two - people are busy and things can slip their mind. If anyone should be embarrassed by not paying promptly though it’s your friend. Not you.

ResearchEssex · 16/07/2025 20:01

Bellavida99 · 15/07/2025 12:58

If you’re likely to be doing more days in the hols and can manage without it for now I’d wait til she asks you to have him again and then say, “oh yeah I don’t think I’ve had the lunch money back from you from our trip to Legoland”

This. Some people get delayed/busy. If she’s always transferred before, I’m sure she will again. I’d either leave it a few days before reminding or just bring it up in this way when she asks for the next time.

BluntLion · 16/07/2025 19:59

You are very kind to take this child out on days out with you. If your friend has always paid before, then perhaps she just forgot?
Pop her a text to remind her.

Buffs · 16/07/2025 19:40

That is generous of you to take her child on trips, you shouldn’t have to ask twice for the money. If she doesn’t repay you as soon as you remind her I would look at taking a different child as company for your child next time.

HMW19061 · 16/07/2025 18:36

Just ping her a friendly message. She probably got your first message whilst busy doing something else and completely forgot about it.

Hmm1234 · 16/07/2025 18:08

Horses1 · 15/07/2025 12:50

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

If she is a good friend and the children get along well. Maybe she is struggling this month and waiting for her next pay day? She’s probably just as embarrassed as you could you ask/ live without £15 closer to the end of the month.

GiveDogBone · 16/07/2025 18:00

She’s relying on you being too embarrassed to ask. It’s no different from her stealing the money out your purse.

Next time ask for money in advance. And if she doesn’t pay in advance her child doesn’t go, simple.

marcopront · 16/07/2025 09:03

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 13:36

How can she forget when she’s been messaged the amount and knows OP has taken her child out?

Have you met other people before?

Of course someone can forget something they have been told. Most people forget things.

Plumedenom · 16/07/2025 07:29

Hi xxx, did you send me the 15 pounds for dc's lunch? I can't see it in my account. See you soon!

Job done.

Wishbone436 · 16/07/2025 06:49

Defo chase it. I can be that person 🙈 I have every intention of sending, then the kids pester me & it totally slips my mind! I would much prefer you to chase me for it than realise a month later that I owed you money! Or worse, not remember at all!!!!!

LBFseBrom · 16/07/2025 00:36

Yes, it is still early days.

Op if you are concerned, contact and talk to her about something else, that may jog her memory.

DurinsBane · 15/07/2025 23:59

sarah419 · 15/07/2025 22:45

leave it and don’t take them out again with you

What, because the friend has probably just forgotten, one time?

DurinsBane · 15/07/2025 23:54

SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 15/07/2025 12:58

You should have no qualms about ‘pestering’ her……. Seeing that she seems fine with being a cheeky f….r.

If you let it go she’ll keep on trying to take advantage of you being a soft touch your generosity.

She has possibly forgotten to transfer it. Once. How does that make her a cheeky f….r?

vickylou78 · 15/07/2025 23:41

Fine to politely chase. If anything like me just forget to do it as so much on with work etc

SassyTurtle · 15/07/2025 23:35

dottiedodah · 15/07/2025 23:31

Sassy turtle .yes I don't know why people are disagreeing with u .must have been very lucky not to have flaky friends! Some people seem entitled .they will start to do it more and more. Need a firm stance fro day 1

Thank you! ☺️

dottiedodah · 15/07/2025 23:31

Sassy turtle .yes I don't know why people are disagreeing with u .must have been very lucky not to have flaky friends! Some people seem entitled .they will start to do it more and more. Need a firm stance fro day 1

Ohnobackagain · 15/07/2025 23:15

Loveduppenguin · 15/07/2025 12:55

Hey x’s mum, just wondering if you sent in that £15 as I didn’t see it come in, just wanted to make sure it didn’t go to the wrong person or something. Let me know, thanks

This @Horses1 - nice light tone, genuinely checking no issues!

Judiezones · 15/07/2025 22:49

If she normally pays straight away she's probably forgotten so will appreciate a reminder. If she hasn't forgotten, she needs a reminder because she's cheeky.
YANBU and you're very kind to take her kids out

sarah419 · 15/07/2025 22:45

leave it and don’t take them out again with you

Happyflower12345 · 15/07/2025 22:22

Message and remind her. Maybe get money up front or in advance. How old are the kids?

coxesorangepippin · 15/07/2025 19:47

So has she paid yet??

Liloqueen · 15/07/2025 18:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lbet · 15/07/2025 18:30

I think it is a great idea what you are doing with helping friends out in the holidays and it’s company for your kids too.

I would imagine she has just forgot and would want you to remind her.
Im sure it will sort itself out.