To ask for the money back?

first answer nailed it

Give her a bit longer, she will almost certainly pay what she owes. Worry about it if she hasn't in another week or so but it is early days.

And where does it say that she's "lost bank details". She hasn't paid. That doesn't mean she's lost the bank details, she could have simply forgotten.

Not embarrassing at all to remind her. It's in her interests to do so else you simply won't be able to take her kids anywhere anymore.

Another one coming to say do not use 'gentle reminder'. It's an extremely irritating phrase used to soften an instruction.

It's an instruction - she needs to pay you.

Where is the reciprocation in this? You say you don't mind/ it gives your child company but I hope you understand that the more you do for free, the higher expectations people develop.

Do they? And even if that is the case, from what the OP has said, the woman hasn't done this before. It's a one off. So jumping to the worst conclusion immediately, despite woman having no form for this behaviour whatsoever, just comes across as nasty.

I'm all for holding people accountable, but immediately jumping to the conclusion that you have is a bit much.

If it’s the first time she’s not paid promptly and you’re planning on taking her kid again over summer, I’d leave it for now - then on the next trip (assuming it’s in the next few weeks), give her a heads up that you’re planning x, approximate cost, and did she want to transfer that together with the £15 from last time? But if it’s going to be a while or you need the money, then just stop her a text -“ hiya, just reminding about the £15 from the last trip. Bobby is looking forward to another play date soon !”

Chase it and next time this mum pays in advance,

don't be obesquious or "beg" just say "i haven't received your payment yet. Just in case you lost my details [paypal] [account details] - let me know when you make the transfer so i can let you know it has arrived"

You don't need to actually say this: unless payment received, their child is no longer welcome on days out.

I absolutely would NOT call it a "gentle" reminder! Horrible!

Because statistically speaking people take advantage of situations like this. So many people borrow money but don’t pay it back. This is why. OP has also said “I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. ”. So, she knows about the money but hasn’t transferred. How do you lose bank details? Lol

I would definitely chase it up but I would make out that I thought she had forgotten.
(She probably hopes that you'll be too embarrassed to ask for the money or that you will forget).

Is there a discussion around cost of food etc? She may have been thinking it would be a fiver, or a tenner with an ice cream or whatever. She should still pay of course, but if you're all in the same boat financially it would probably be sensible to agree a budget in advance or have them given their kids cash.

As a forgetful ADHD menopausal mum, I would appreciate a reminder rather than someone presuming I’m a CF.

Why would you jump to the worst conclusion especially when the woman doesn't have form for it? It's a one off. Do you usually jump to the worst conclusions about people?

Agree don’t say “gentle reminder” as that sounds anything but! I imagine someone absolutely fuming when they write that

If she's only ever not transfered this one time then it sounds like it's just slipped her mind, happens to us all. I'd appreciate the reminder, I'd hate to forget to send it on if it was me.

The parents need to hand over cash to you when you collect the kids or transfer in advance. Its not fair for you to be put out from this. I wouldn't bother taking them again as they wouldn't have forgotten to pay you. They just want their kids to be treated for free. You should only take your kids out on day outs, saves this headache tbh.

Please no use of the word gentle in this context and fewer apologies! Just keep it factual.

Why would you be embarrassed to ask? That’s madness, especially if you’re short of money.

You are doing her a huge favour - don’t forget if she was having to pay for childcare it would be costing her a lot more!

Seriously just check in and ask. I am forever grateful for people like you in my life but I do sometimes just need a reminder. Maybe over holidays get the cash upfront from them or if kids old enough tell parent to load it up to the kids cards that they may have x

I would chase. She agreed to it, she’s forgotten or isn’t very prompt with these things but I’d be mortified if someone was too embarrassed to remind me.

Hi X, just a gentle reminder for the £15 for Ys day out with us if you don’t mind transferring asap. I’m happy to take all the kids out, it’s lovely company for Z but I’m trying to stick to a budget as it all adds up unfortunately. Hope you are having a lovely summer. We’ll be sorry when the good weather goes!

I’d presume they just forgot - easily done. I think you can ask or wait til you take them again and then say. ‘oh and it’s this much for this time and I didn’t get the payment for last one so that’s a total of…’

If I was the mum I would appreciate the reminder, as it would be that it had completely slipped my mind. I would pay you back the minute you told me the cost in reality, but sometimes stuff happens.

message again I certainly would! I’d just say “hi x hope you’re well. Just reminding you about the £15 lunch money from our last trip with x, if you could ping it over to me please” she’s probably just overlooked it (hopefully)