AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to want our house (when we're not even in it)?

Wouldn’t bother us in the slightest. As long as they fed the pets and watered my plants!

I would be fine with this

Wouldn't bother me, but we always charge a small amount to cover water etc. and same when we have stayed at friends houses

There is something seriously wrong with a world where you wont let family or friends stay in your home. Surely it is just a nice thing to be able to do especially when things are so expensive. So what if someone looks in my knicker drawer.

I have done it for DH family and for close friends, and I have learned a lot about myself and my guests.

So now, if it comes up, I am clear about expectations - if my DH’s family of 5 are coming, the final things they do are clean the bathrooms and drop the bedding / towels off for a service wash ( which they pay for). Also if they raid the freezer/ wine rack / whatever, they replace it.

I have come home too many times to mess and laundry. And I resent that, so rather than there be bad feelings between us, I am honest ( but nice about it) upfront.

It would be a big fat no from me. Objectively, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but I wouldn’t like it. The problem is I’d be in the same position as you because DP wouldn’t mind, so then I would feel guilty for saying no. But I think the feelings of the person who isn’t comfortable should trump those of the person who doesn’t mind. A bit like deciding whether or not to get a dog! We are all different and a lot of how we respond to things like this depends on many different factors, such as our upbringing/background, our mental health, how much importance we attach to our home as a safe haven, what our personal boundaries are etc. There’s no right answer, just what you feel comfortable with. I don’t think your friends should have asked though (casually hinting is effectively asking), as it puts you in an awkward position. They should have waited to see if you offered, then found alternative accommodation if you didn’t.

I live in an expensive city with a lot of expat friends whose extended family or friends come to visit every year. I always let friends know when we’ll be holidaying, in case they have family or friend who need a place. They likewise do the same. Interestingly in this group of friends, there is one woman who outright said she’d never have anyone in her place, just the thought horrified her. Over many years, it’s been fascinating to see how her lack of generosity has eroded the same community feeling we have with all the other families. Others share cars or childcare etc., and guests over the years always leave a gift.

No I won’t like it. Besides think of the deep clean you would have to do before your holiday!

Say that packing for holiday always means your house is left in a bad mess when you go away so sorry

There have been threads on here before about CFs hinting at this or where they had damaged property and not said anything after leaving. I think the best one is in classics - the holiday home one, if someone can find the link?

The general consensus is "No"!

Unless there was some benefit for
you say .....watering ALL the plants or dog sitting then it would be a firm NO from me.

Why the fall out? You should have paid for the breakage without having to be asked.

I imagine you might worry they will find the stick that you put up your arse?

No way. Something gets damaged, it’s the end of a friendship anyway. Make it very clear this won’t be happening.

No issue for me, if I go away I get my lovely cleaner to clean it so all I ask if people stay is that they get the cleaner back in before I return so it is lovely and clean when I get home. I did it last year for a family who needed a place for a week as their house move stalled, no issue

What does it matter what you might be 'hiding' in your house? It's your personal space ffs.

I agree 100% with this. I grew up in a relaxed and generous family who would happily offer this sort of thing to friends and family alike. I think it’s quite selfish to see your friends shelling out on a hotel when there is a perfectly good place to stay. Obviously you’d expect people to offer wine/chocolates etc and keep the place clean but they generally do.

My brother in law’s girlfriend was staying here recently while working local to us- we were also at home. I started to show her around the kitchen etc and she reminded me that she and BIL had stayed here last year when we were away and so she knew her way around already- I’d totally forgotten they’d been here!

I tend to find that generosity to others is repaid in kind and karma.

I would. And I wouldn’t care if they found dust or cobwebs. It would save me having to empty out the fridge.

Same here!

I was overseas for an extended visit one year & my aunty rang me to ask if it would be possible for my cousin, her DH M, 2 kids & 2 dogs to stay at mine as they had been flooded.

they were there about 6 week when I was due back, & my Aunty said about an Air BnB they were looking at, to move into for when I came back. I said not to be daft, and they could just stay until they could go home, no problem.

various other friend/family have stayed when I'm not home (as well as when I am). Really not getting the issue. It's my home, it's clean & tidy, but it's not a display home, I'm not running a BnB, they can use what's there, but it might not be fully stocked (especially if I wasn't expecting them when I left home). But 🤷🏻‍♀️they're certainly welcome.

i don't think any of them would 'snoop', but so what if they did? What are you hiding?

I wouldn’t.

I wouldn't like it - just tell them you both are not comfortable with the idea of anybody in your home when you are away.

Offered not imposed.

Not at all weird. It’s completely fine and I’d consider quite normal.

And I think that would be my main gripe. Unless everyone knows you have an open house policy with your friends, it’s really thoughtless to put a friend in the awkward position of maybe having to say no and then feeling bad or guilty for not saying yes to them.

My lovely friend offers her house when they are away. She is my best mate. I would offer her mine.

The key is offer.... rather than ask.

I'd only do this with her/my sister. Nobody's else!