AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to want our house (when we're not even in it)?

This.

So it is MY house with my stuff? Why can’t I have that boundary

and why should having that boundary be pushed by those who don’t want to spend money paying for accommodation

I wouldn't hesitate to offer. I've often done it for others. Think it's pretty selfish not to, to be honest

I think it's a completely personal thing - some folk wouldn't hesitate to offer whereas others would absolutely hate the thought of someone living in their space. I'm a bit like you, and wouldn't feel comfortable either, and it's perfectly reasonable not to offer. It's irrelevant if hubby is ok with it, because you'd both have to be ok with it for it to be an actual option.

Mine would laugh and ask who was going to tell them.

The idea of this gives me the creeps. If you are thinking of agreeing to it, check with your home insurance company first.

My OH wanted to do this and I got out of it by reading the small print on our home insurance. Our cover would have been void.

It really depends on how much of a friend they were. Close friends I wouldn't have a problem at all - more of a friend that you see only when they're in the country then probably not. Though it would depend for me on what type of a person they were. I'd want to help for sure.

No, they are serious CFs.

Tell them, no sorry, we’ve got family staying.

My in laws have tried this with visitors a few times - in laws live near us and don’t have enough room for visitors so if we’re away they say “oh Dave and Barbara plus their 3 kids and dog can stay at yours”. No they bloody can’t. I’ve refused every time but it still gets dropped in to conversation from time to time.

It really depends on the level of friendship: there’s very few people I’d trust like this.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say no.

I wouldn't fancy it personally....

Absolute no from me.

But I've fallen out with DP about similiar. At our previous house we let his friend stay at ours whilst we were away. Guest bedroom was set up for them....

Returned to find they'd invited guests who used our bedroom. And intended to stay another 6 days when we got home. DP was willing to let them all stay. I was an arsey cow and wanted them gone (I think I allowed for 2 more nights). I just came across as uptight and horrid so I'd go for not letting them stay in the 1st place.

@Firstchoice333 YANBU OP. Like you, I'm am also firmly in the "strangers in my pants drawer" camp 😂 and it would be one thing if I offered (because I absolutely trusted those friends) but for them to hint is definitely CF territory.
Alternatively, you could agree, but leave an array of eye-wateringly large sex toys lying around in the bathroom - bet they'd never ask again! 😂

Nope.

I used to live in a popular tourist city and was away quite a lot. I had no issue with some people staying there without me.

The problem here is the type of people who would ask without you offering are exactly the people who could cause problems. If they can't afford their trip they shouldn't have arranged it.

I had a friend of a friend ask me once in company. We were having some drinks in our mutual friend's apartment. They had obviously discussed it with mutual friend possibly suggesting it as mutual friend was nodding enthusiastically at me when the woman asked.

I was so completely taken aback (we were in company, I didn't know this woman's surname even(, I got totally confused and overwhelmed and stammered "sorry... my house? when? why?" She then replied with the dates and said really cheerfully "because otherwise we would have to pay for a guesthouse" I remember sort of staring at her wondering if she was serious. Of course she would have to pay otherwise, that's kind of part of the deal of going for a holiday. Mutual friend then interjected reassuring me the dates were fine as she and I would be abroad together. I sat like a lemon nodding and saying I'd come back to her. Then "shouldn't i just take the keys now? It's not that far away. I might not see you in the meantime."

The next day, sober and with my thoughts collected I messaged mutual friend to say I've given it some thought and my answer is no. She then threw a full on strop. Her friend she told me is the 'nicest, most respectful person ever, I could not hope for a better guest.' I was so livid I didn't trust myself to answer.

In the times since I have heard of various instances of the friend creating drama around our friend. She also did end up in my house one time with mutual friend. They invited other people back and couldn't understand why I wasn't ok with their loser mates being on my couch getting wasted when I was starting my work day.

Don't do it.

Another point; it doesn't matter if everyone else would be fine with it. It's your space. End of.

I have no problem saying "no" to people when it comes to this kind of favor. And I get asked A LOT.

Just say "sorry, we've got family staying" or "sorry, we'll have workmen there during that time with the water and electrics off" if you need to make an excuse.

Or just say "oh no, we are happy to host you while we're also at home, but really that's the only time"

whatever.

She’s a really lovely person so I didn’t make a huge fuss but yes had it been me I would have thoroughly checked everything , but I am quite paranoid about leaving things on. Thankfully none of us smoked because I’m not sure if the place (and us) would have gone up when we walked through the door if someone had a cigarette in their hand. 😬

Would not bother me at all. Sounds like a brilliant idea. These are your good friends. Your house is will be empty. You can save them money and ensure your house/ garden are looked after and secure while you are away. Why would you not?

No no no no no

i have friends I would do that with no hesitation and some i am not comfortable with as much so hard to say. How long would that be?

I wouldn’t dream of snooping when staying in someone’s house. Anymore than I’d read someone’s diary or phone messages or peak through someone’s window.

I’d feel like some kind of sick voyeur if I did snoop - very uncomfortable with myself. I just wouldn’t.

Surely this is normal for the majority?

I haven't RTWT but...on the one hand, I'm as territorial as a wolverine with a headache. Every fibre of my being protests at the thought of someone prowling around my private space. YNBU to object to the idea. On the other, I've been burgled (three times over) and for sheer awfulness, it left mere CFs in the dust. Can you frame their sojourn in your house as something that benefits you as well as them? Apart from deterring burglars, they can water plants, look after pets (most cats and probably dogs too, would rate staying in their own home with human company over a cattery or kennels) and make sure there are a few groceries waiting for you when you return.

Both view points are very widely held - they're not being unreasonable asking, you're not being unreasonable saying no.

My personal line in the sand is that I'm happy having people in the house (I've got a few different pets, so I actually prefer having someone in the house if I'm away) but I wouldn't want them sleeping in my bedroom.

Absolutely not from me.

I recently had to be in MIL’s house, with DH, when she wasn’t in and it felt really intrusive. I just couldn’t imagine staying in someone’s house when they’d gone on holiday.

Speak for yourself! We stayed a couple of times in a friend's house when she was away, it gave us a base and it gave her assurance that her house was safer from burglars but I never, ever opened drawers etc., wouldn't dream of it. She has also stayed in our house when we ere away to keep an eye on our teens.

Exactly this. And if they did snoop in my underwear drawer, they would just find knickers, bras and socks. It would be very mundane but even if I had whips and chains, who gives a fuck.