Breastfeeding judgement

I think it can be hard to strike a balance. How often is he actually feeding? At that age, it is ok to have boundaries in place, breastfeeding is a two way street after all. If he is demanding short feeds, very regularly, pulling your top down and having tantrums when you say no I would start to put boundaries in place. I fed both of my DC until three.

Is this yet another post and run? 🏃‍♂️

Both of mine were obsessed with formula and I had to go cold turkey on bottles just before two with both of them because they preferred bottles over actual food. Breast milk is obviously fine for however long you want to do it for but it should be complimentary to a balanced diet rather than mostly replacing it. I really empathise because I would have loved to gradually wean mine off instead of going cold turkey but the gradual approach just made my kids worse tbh. They also used bottles for comfort and I worried for ages about taking that comfort away. However, at 3 & 2 they both eat great and have replaced their comfort bottle with a teddy and a scruffy blanket.

All that said, if your happy with everything and it’s just people’s comments that are upsetting you, just try and brush it off. You are always judged as a mother unfortunately, no matter what. As long as you and your DC are happy that’s the most important thing.

Ignore the judgements OP.

My son was almost 4 and self weaned.

I will admit that by 3 and a half I do use the dont offer, don't refuse method, which helped because we were out and about a lot more and it just wasn't practical for me to always be sat down, but it's a perfectly natural, normal way of soothing babies and young children.

If there's anything I've learnt as a mother it's that you can't do anything right. Everything is subject to scrutiny, so you've got to learn to just feed 'em rice and let them piss into the wind with their judgements and do what works for you.

I agree with previous posters.
I fed all three of mine until they were two but I wouldn’t have taught them that tantrums work in getting them their own way.

Do what works for you. I still breastfeed my 3 year old. We don’t have set feeding times, some days they are very interested, some days less so. So it could be 3 times in a day or 20 times in a day. Other people can obviously comfort DC in different ways, they don’t ask anyone else if they can breastfeed them, just me. They’re my breasts and I’m happy whilst DC is happy. They know they have to wait sometimes if I’m busy or we’re in the car or whatever. But if a young child wants comfort from their mum and that’s how they seek it I don’t see it as an issue.

I agree with this.

I was still breastfeeding ds2 at that age but it was max 2-3 times a day and I was only feeding him at home by then. I wanted him to be getting most of his nutrients from food. I was also getting a bit touched out from breastfeeding and didn’t want to be resenting it.

If you’re happy with it OP then crack on but it sounds like you might not be, and if you aren’t then it’s fine to set some boundaries around it.

I agree with @Scottishskifun.
I stopped at five months with my first as I returned to work. With my second she self weaned just before her first birthday, but we were down to one feed at night by then.
Couldn’t stand it if I was expected to be available at all hours, but if you don’t mind then that’s up to you. Does it impact on you doing things? What if you went out without him or does it mean you can’t? And how does he cope if out with his father without you? Or is that not an issue?
Wanting to continue to BF is totally up to you, but his using it to cope, his having a tantrum if denied is something I’d begin to address. Developmentally he should be understanding a sense of self, and begin to differentiate himself from others. Self awareness continues to grow into independence and autonomy. You should encourage this, and that means learning to deal with new and possible stressful situations on his own, without the need for physical soothing from breastfeeding. There are other ways he can get support from you. I’m certainly not suggesting you stop, but change why he needs/wants to do it.

I voted YABU because of the lack of boundaries, and think this post sums it up well. Extended breastfeeding is beautiful, and well done you! But I think it's important toddlers are supported with boundaries, understanding consent, and guided towards healthy eating patterns that constantly allowing them to dictate milk does not help them establish.

It sounds like you need to gently move towards a routine, and introduce other comfort items too.

If you do want to make a change, distraction works well at this age. Writing little scripts to help in emotional moments can help you through it too. E.g. "we have our milk after lunch. Let's play with the cars now! Would you like to be the green car or the red car?"

I've breastfed 4 until they've naturally weaned. It's been between ages 1 and 3.

I have to say while feeding is amazing, as parents it's our jobs to give our babies more comfort mechanisms than just the breast otherwise its difficult for them to be without it.

Once mine were solidly eating meals and snacks I concentrated on food for nourishment and cuddles etc for comfort when out and about. Partly because of judgemental looks but mainly so they xould be easily comforted by others.

I think a lot of mothers who feed for longer end up doing more of it in private, I know I did with mine (fed till 2 and to almost 4) this avoided the judginess and reduced the number of times they fed to a more manageable level!)
Both my dc stopped feeding when they wanted to - no big drama or emotional upset, as soon as they didn't want it, they stopped.

Is the issue people are raising just the BF, or that there might be something else going on, eg gets overwhelmed, has meltdowns, isn’t really interested in food?

Breastfeeding til 2 isn't an issue.

An almost 2 year old who tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants straight away, and is learning that it works, might be a problem, if that behaviour is carried across to other situations.

You could try distracting him and getting him to wait for a bit longer each time so he knows that you're in control, if you wanted to have some flexibility

How many times a day is he feeding?

There's a big difference between every couple of hours and say 3 times a day

Tell everyone to mind their own business! I had all that shit from my in laws but I didn't care by the time I got to dc no 3. I breastfed him till he was 4

You need some supportive friends, OP. Most of my friends nursed a bit longer than me, and I nursed mine till about 2.5 years. You need some of these women in your village.

I live in a city where extended breastfeeding is common. You do what is best for you and your child. I personally didn't want to feed a four year old so cut them off then, but I know if you have a second it muddies the water.

I don’t think you will damage him if you gently introduce more boundaries, but if you’re happy with how things are, ignore them.

People need to mind their own business. I'd shut the comments down. WHO guidelines recommend feeding till 2. Maybe print out some studies and hand them out to anyone who comments. He won't nurse forever and if you're both happy at this stage, that's fine. Good on you OP.

Do you want more boundaries or are you happy with it?

If you’re happy, crack on and ignore everyone else.

But, you can absolutely establish some gentle boundaries. Like another poster said above, if a child was always asking for biscuits, or fruit, you wouldn’t let them have them constantly.

Does a child get a biscuit every time they ask?

Perfectly healthy to breastfeed at this age, although his demands do seem high - my son was similar a couple of months ago at 17m.

I'd be tempted to snark back that he doesn't seem to be sure of the company he's in if they keep commenting (my son would always go for a bit of anxious boob).

That said, I have just weaned at 21m for my own health reasons (need to lose weight and BF seems to throw me too far out of whack). I just wanted to add that my experience was quite different from the advice you get about "don't offer, don't refuse". I actually limited him to 5-7 am or pm first, then just pm, then just bedtime, then told him mummy's milk was all gone.

I found this much better for helping him understand the process than sometimes having a lot and sometimes nothing. They're clever little cookies - at first he'd run up to me at smack bang 5pm.

No pressure at all to give up, I just wanted to share that the standard advice didn't seem to work for my boob monster son.

OP has said herself- “He will often go in to a big meltdown if I refuse it”.

Take your own example of a biscuit here, would you think it was totally okay if a child was requesting a biscuit every hour and going into a big meltdown if it was refused? Or would you agree that actually, that’s not behaviour we should be encouraging?

Would you give a child a biscuit every time they said they wanted one?

It sounds like you’re feeding mostly for comfort now, and at some point it will have to stop for the child’s own dignity. If it’s going to be an emotional transition off the boob, I’d do it sooner rather than later. Your child will have to learn other methods of co regulating and self regulating eventually.