Breastfeeding judgement

I think this is your sign to try and wean off the boob especially at night, and during the day boundaries in place

The extended breastfeeding is fine, but it seems like it's his only tool for self regulation which I would be more concerned about. I would start introducing other options to do first: a hug, breathing together, a toy to hold, a game to distract etc. You don't want to leave him with no tools whenever you do stop breastfeeding.

I stopped around 18 months when I started to feel a physical aversion. That shift came quite suddenly for me, so I was glad that I had already done some preparation for it.

This is it, this is why boundaries are important. It might come across harmless feeding but it shows your toddler their feelings matter only and they can have boob when they want.

my toddler would ask for snacks every 30 mins if I kept letting him, it’s okay to bf your child you don’t have to listen to judgements on that, but if OP’s partner who is supportive of her bf has even commented about it getting too much then I think it’s time to put some boundaries in

My littlest is 18m and I feel your pain with the dictating and tantrums. She throws proper strops if she doesn't get a boob in her face the absolute second she wants it. I've started having a cup nearby so each time she asks, I offer her some water first to try and distract her, and I have started to say no because I don't like being pawed at, or screamed at. It's made no difference as of yet, and she just puts her hand down my top and shouts at me, but we're persevering.

And you wouldn’t give a biscuit each time a toddler asked for one would you

Fuck everyone else. Breastfeeding offers comfort, connection, nutrition and a small immunity boost. It’s also central to your relationship with your son. To him it’s not about feeding it’s about feeling reassured and connected. If anyone out there is telling you not to give your son reassurance and connection then please feel free tell them where to stick it. If their discomfort causes you to feel judged and uncomfortable then that’s a separate issue. You might want to talk to them about it or you might choose to feed out of eyegaze. Totally up to you. I had the exact same comments and eventually just stopped responding in a meaningful way. So they’d say ‘isn’t he a bit old’ and I’d say ‘I’m happy with my parenting decisions’ and smile.

I think you are likely experiencing judgement over behaviours rather than breastfeeding.

nearly 2 is old enough to learn they can’t ‘dictate’ feeds.

I am wholly supportive of extended breastfeeding and have done it myself- but I do believe boundaries should be put in place for older toddlers who yank clothing, pull, tantrum and can’t wait a while if a feed isn’t convenient.

I was very firm from 18 months+ about pulling my clothes and grabbing.

I also wouldn’t let my coffee go cold or interrupt a task to feed.

i am very attachment-led, crunchy, cosleeping parent with zero routine but breastfeeding is such a physical thing and a tiring thing.

being strict about asking ‘nicely’ and waiting until I was ready to feed (once they were old enough to do both these things)- kept me breastfeeding for as long as I did.

a comforter would never have been a replacement for me, but I used to offer a hug or a sip of their drink if it wasn’t convenient/I didn’t want to feed at that time.

If you don’t mind me asking, how many times is he waking for feeds in the night?

You carry on and ignore them. My daughter fed until she was nearly 3 and is so self-assured, intelligent and independent as a 4 year old.

You will know when the time is right to stop. Due to my daughter's age, we were able to mutually agree a date for stopping, so she was prepared for it and accepted that she was now a big girl so didn't need it any more but we would still have lots of cuddles.

It couldn't be any less of anyone's business than you two alone 🙂

This. Breast is best, it's science. Anyone who suggests otherwise is a complete moron and not worth attention. FWIW it's only the UK who has appallingly low breastfeeding rates. As long as you're ok with it, who cares what anyone else thinks (as long as breastmilk isn't replacing solids, so do feeds after solids, and not before).

Tough one. I was still feeding mine at that age but it was about twice a day from memory and he never demanded it or had a melt down if he didn’t and stopped on his own a couple of months later.

I don’t think still BF’ing at this age is a bad thing at all, you carry that on for as long as you’re both comfortable with it. The tantrums around it would concern me, personally. But it’s your kid and you know them better than any of us 🤷‍♀️

Please, please, please don’t let anyone else’s comments put you off. Do what suits you and your child. I breastfed DS1 until he was 3, slightly younger for DS2. My own family were all very supportive as they did similar, but DP’s family were awful. One of his sisters breastfed until her children were around 2 and she got the same horrible remarks as me. I found that DS1 only fed a couple of times a day as he got older, a bit more when he was ill and it was better for my own mental health to keep the fact he was still breastfed to myself. It’s nobody else’s business and people who tell you that it’s more for you than the child, or that it’s going to have a detrimental effect on the child or any of the other bullshit made up nonsense, are ignorant and woefully uneducated about breastfeeding.

She didn't ask for advice on boundaries.

She said her friends are pressuring her to put boundaries in place and asked if people agreed.

It sounds very much like she doesn't really want to but is feeling judged.

He's 20 months old. He's not even 2 yet.

Of course he's using it as a comfort and to cope with new/ unfamiliar situations - he's only 20 months old and it's been his main comfort since he was born. A baby wanting this sort of comfort from his mum is normal.

Tantrums happen at this age, about anything and everything, and yes there are ways of addressing that. But why anyone would judge a mum breastfeeding a 20 month old baby or encourage her to do anything differently when she's happy and it's working, is beyond me.

It might be different if he was 4 years old, but he's not. He's still very little.

OP has asked for advice RE boundaries. I don't think this is necessarily about breastfeeding but a developmental stage of pushing boundaries. We know that it is healthy for children to be given boundaries at this stage.

Mine were both bottle feed but if your both happy with the situation it's no one else, s business.

For the child’s dignity? He’s a 20 month old toddler for god sake, not a 20 year old man.

OP hasn't said that she has any kind of issue with it at all though. She doesn't mind. It's only other people's comments that are getting to her.

Why encourage OP to change anything at all when she's fine with the situation and so is her child?

Why would it be? OP posted less than 2 hours ago.

If you are happy with it and your child is happy with it then there is no problem.

Let them think what they want - it really doesn't concern them.

Ignore the judgemental comments, I only breastfed until DS was 9 weeks but found that people definitely had their opinions on me breastfeeding. When I switched to formula due to feeding issues, I suddenly stopped getting comments about feeding!

A lot of people push you to breastfeed and say it’s beautiful/magical then your child turns 1 and suddenly they are “too old” “it’s grim” “better get weaning” etc

I do want to echo what others are saying though regarding boundaries, my son is a snacker and he would eat snacks all day long if I let him. You do have to put boundaries in place. Yes they breakdown and tantrum for a few weeks but then they understand the boundaries and you’ll find things easier when out and about. At 20 months they will understand this, a routine would be ideal. You don’t have to stop breast feeding - but you’ll feel more in control and it will stop the breakdowns when out.