Breastfeeding judgement

I’m still feeding at nearly three but do think it’s important to establish some boundaries. The boundaries you prioritise will no doubt reflect your priorities and parenting style.

For me, this means not breastfeeding before lunch or supper. DS has to wait if a meal is due. If feeding during the day at other times I will offer him a snack or cup of milk because I want to encourage those as alternatives/additions. Breast feeding is largely a source of comfort in our house so I will try and offer a cuddle instead but this isn’t something DS is readily accepting tbh. We don’t feed out and about anymore (except public transport) and I’m firm that DS isn’t allowed to just sit there with his hand down my top, which is his go to substitute.

I cant believe then don't. Simple.

I cant believe how old some people breast feed their kids to i couldn't imagine picking my kid up from school and them being like come on mum get your tit's out I want my after school snack. I know im being judgemental but 🤢🤮

It’s no one else’s business, including your partner’s who is probably influenced by the views of your mutual friends.

It’s a totally different situation. Breast milk is produced by a woman’s body to feed babies.

Nothing wrong with breastfeeding but he’s 20 months, not 2 months.

For introducing a comforter go pick one together so its instantly apecial for him as he chose it (and pick up a spare of the exact same one!)
Something they can hold in hand usually the small bears/cows type thing with a soft square that are breathable.
Then wear it down your top to sleep for a few nights so it smells of you. When having a feed get them to hold it and when putting to bed place next to them. That way it's a comforting smell of you and should help calm a bit/feel safe.

Touch out with extended bf is very real! Get some magnesium supplements it can help.

This too

This. Three-year-old twins here, so I always get judgy looks. But if one is sad because someone stole a toy from them at a stay and play, and they want comfort from their mum, obviously they want the maximum comfort from mum that they're used to. That'll be a boob feed then. Then the other one wants in! They're not going to ask that of anyone else but me, so they can obviously regulate in other ways, so what's the problem?! I really can't understand any fuss people make. Your so-called friends need to mind their own business, OP. They're toddlers not teenagers!

I fed mine until about 2 and I def remember suddenly everyone in my nct group being aghast that we were still going. I clearly didn’t get the memo that everyone was stopping!

they were quite rude about it and it made me realise they weren’t actually that good friends. No massive loss.

Tell them to F off.

YABU to use the phrase 'boob monster'.

Have to agree with this🤣

DS1, once he started talking, used to ask for ‘side’ because I always said semi conversationally ‘Right, I’m going to switch you to the other side now’😅

Ask them if they would be saying that if you were giving your baby a dummy. If they have no problem with a 20mo having a dummy to soothe themselves then they’ve got no leg to stand on and need to STFU.

YABU to use the phrase 'boob monster'.

As long as hes getting plenty of nutrition through solids and is starting to seek ways of soothing other than just BF then its amazing to keep going. I fed DS until he was 3 but did have boundaries in place for my own sanity. Not that anyone should be judging anyway, but as PPs have said, sounds like its not so much about feeding at all at this age.

See mine has only stopped bf about 2 wks he’s 26 months now, to be fair he gradually reduced himself over time he loves his grub and we were down to just bedtime. He has had frequent bouts of tonsillitis and always upped the intake to compensate for not being able to eat. So I would have a look in his mouth/throat make sure there’s nothing there causing issue. I’d not be bothered about age more the reluctance to take solids. My son’s comforter is a dummy, we’re trying to reduce that now and probs not great to now introduce. He also has a teddy we’ve always put in his cot which he’s now started cuddling at night, picking up to bring down and then take back to bed. I did also start to say not right now, it’s nearly breakfast/lunch/dinner time when he’d ask at meal times and could eat

@Helpmeplease2025breast milk and biscuits are not the same thing. It’s more akin to a child asking for water or cuddles.

I breastfed till 3.5 and 2.5 years. I found the comments peaked around 18 months then people sort not gave up on trying to get me to stop! I did have boundaries from 12-15 months though so fed morning and evening. They adjust quickly. First DD self-weaned at 3.5 but I stopped DD2 feeding at 2.5 as I was fed up of it.

@ByPearlDeer

Nothing wrong with what you're doing at all.
He is still so small. The WHO recommends feeding AT LEAST until 2 years and beyond. Natural term weaning is much later.

I feed my 22 month old, on demand anywhere and everywhere. no one has commented other than positive things. I plan to keep feeding on demand as long as he wants.

So long as you are happy to continue as you are then continue.

Emma Pickett has some really useful resources on extended breastfeeding, around when and how to put in place boundaries (if that's what you want), etc.
But there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding on demand either.

She also has resources on retorts you can give to people who have the need to comment, if you want to have something in your pocket because it is probably hard to come up with things in the moment.

Is it making you happy @ByPearlDeer ?

This was my son!

Now 6, and a terrible sleeper and just referred to paediatrics for medical intervention. I'm not trying to scare you, but just point out that many needs are not strictly behavioural and you simply won't know at 20 months. What is typically developmentally appropriate doesn't extend to every child, they haven't read the rule book.

I had so many people tell me that it was my fault, need to sleep train, need to refuse the boob, need to do X Y and Z, but in the end the only thing that worked is continuing night feeds until he self weaned which he did when he was ready.

We did however move to a king size floor bed, because it enabled us all to get the best sleep together.

To be honest, OP put a crying face after up constantly from 3-4am. So I’m assuming she isn’t happy about this, her partner has also vocalled his feeling too. At the end of the day, if everyone is happy then by all means continue to wake up in the night for feeds but I personally think 20 months is a good time to start putting boundaries in place

“He will often go in to a big meltdown if I refuse it”

This is what toddlers do. Mine does it if I try to stop him from running into the road or a lake, or climbing into the washing machine, or put sun cream on him. It doesnt mean we only do things that avoid a tantrum.

Having Said that, other people's judgement is not a reason to stop. I would be concerned that you say it's impacting his solids intake - he's potentially missing out on some vital nutrients and calories and eating skills.

Otherwise the only people who get to decide when BF stops are you and your child. One of you deciding to stop is enough. It doesnt have to be unanimous.

My friends daughter did this, she had a little clock in her bedroom and she was allowed to breast feed in the morning once the clock went green. I would try and night wean and say no boob from 10-6 or something like that, I think long term it is best for everyone if your toddler gets used to not needing milk to go back to sleep. Not only is it best for their teeth but it will help to learn self soothing etc

Well this. Imagine at the school gates when he's 4 having a quick sip for comfort.

No it isn't. She can wean whenever she wants to. There is no 'sign' that can be diagnosed by a stranger on the internet

Yes you do need to put boundaries in place, with the people on your life who thinks it's ok to comment on your breastfeeding relationship with your son. It's absolutely none of their businesses. Can you find a come back you can repeat each time to stop them from commenting again. Something like 'now would you like my opinion on how long you breastfed your child for?'