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Breastfeeding judgement

109 replies

ByPearlDeer · 15/07/2025 10:32

My son is almost 20 months old. He is still breastfed and has always been a “boob monster”, obsessed with feeding and prefers it to eating solids etc. We have never had a feeding schedule (he’s always been on and off all day) and he’s always been fed on demand.

Now that he’s older I’m really feeling the judgement from family and friends. I’m constantly getting comments like “didn’t he just have a feed an hour ago?”, “how is he on there again?!”, “what a surprise, he’s back on the boob” etc.

He seems to get overwhelmed easily and in newer/unfamiliar environments he does request it a lot more and it seems to help to regulate him. He will often go in to a big meltdown if I refuse it.

On the weekend, we had a meet up with friends (who also have young babies). They said I really needed to put boundaries in place and let him cry, one said I just need to go “cold turkey” now. Even my partner (who on the whole is super supportive) said I’m the problem now and letting him dictate when he feeds too much.

I’m happy to keep breastfeeding, but it’s making me feel like I’m doing something weird/failing by not being stricter about it as I only hear negativity.

Is anyone else in a similar position? AIBU and should I be putting more boundaries in place now? I’m really cautious of meeting his emotional needs and want to tackle this gently.

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quicklywick · 16/07/2025 06:22

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 22:38

Don't think my teens would be up for that somehow!
what's your evidence that breastfeeding toddlers is infantilising them? I mean, non-breastfed toddlers are still given milk, is that babying them too?

Im not talking about toddlers im talking about school age children iv made it clear from the start im talking about school age children

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 22:38

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 22:12

No whats pathetic is people who infantilize their children for their own selfish needs. Instead of letting them grow and become independent from you. Let me guess you also have your kids in your bed every night.

Don't think my teens would be up for that somehow!
what's your evidence that breastfeeding toddlers is infantilising them? I mean, non-breastfed toddlers are still given milk, is that babying them too?

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 22:12

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 21:46

Pathetic

No whats pathetic is people who infantilize their children for their own selfish needs. Instead of letting them grow and become independent from you. Let me guess you also have your kids in your bed every night.

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 21:46

Goldusty · 15/07/2025 21:11

I agree. It looks 'wrong' to feed a little person this way. Baby, yes. Beyond that is just....cringe!

Pathetic

Goldusty · 15/07/2025 21:11

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 14:21

I cant believe how old some people breast feed their kids to i couldn't imagine picking my kid up from school and them being like come on mum get your tit's out I want my after school snack. I know im being judgemental but 🤢🤮

I agree. It looks 'wrong' to feed a little person this way. Baby, yes. Beyond that is just....cringe!

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 20:38

Stopbitingyourhands · 15/07/2025 20:10

I've read it. I just find your opinion ridiculous. And I think sexualising breastfeeding shows that you have deep issues that you should address. Maybe if you 'bothered to read' more about human biology and the benefits of breastfeeding you wouldn't be so judgemental.

What are the benefits of breast feeding older children?

Stopbitingyourhands · 15/07/2025 20:10

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:36

Im talking about people on this thread who are still breastfeeding their school aged children if you had bothered to read it.

I've read it. I just find your opinion ridiculous. And I think sexualising breastfeeding shows that you have deep issues that you should address. Maybe if you 'bothered to read' more about human biology and the benefits of breastfeeding you wouldn't be so judgemental.

BogRollBOGOF · 15/07/2025 18:34

I stopped feeding at 20 months because DS2 was becoming increasingly demanding. For my own sanity I went cold turkey on night feeds at 18m (sent DH in to comfort him and offer water for a week to break the habit). I'd had nearly 5 years of broken pregnancy/ baby sleep by this point, and really needed prolonged, quality sleep for my own wellbeing.

By 20m he was long used to going without milk at nursery (bottle refuser). If he'd just wanted evening/ bedtime/ morning feeds, I would have had the capacity for going longer, but I didn't have the capacity to be pawed at and mithered at randomly whenever he wanted throughout the day on weekends and my days off. I wouldn't feed bottles of formula on demand like that at that age either.

It's ok to have boundaries at that age- especially when it involves sensitive parts of your body. It's also healthy to have different comfort and behaviour strategies and not just be dependent on comfort feeds as a solve-all.

Hedgehogbrown · 15/07/2025 18:04

CopperWhite · 15/07/2025 10:50

It sounds like you’re feeding mostly for comfort now, and at some point it will have to stop for the child’s own dignity. If it’s going to be an emotional transition off the boob, I’d do it sooner rather than later. Your child will have to learn other methods of co regulating and self regulating eventually.

The child's dignity? What nonsense are you talking?

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:57

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 17:55

"Past 4" and "8 or 9 years old" aren't in the same category though are they. Look you think bfing is disgusting, you think children who feed would use crude words like "tits" to refer to their mums.

Why are you judging parents who choose to breastfeed their 8 and 9 year olds

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 17:55

"Past 4" and "8 or 9 years old" aren't in the same category though are they. Look you think bfing is disgusting, you think children who feed would use crude words like "tits" to refer to their mums.

LoveSandbanks · 15/07/2025 17:53

I breastfed mine until they self weaned. I can’t remember when that was but it was well over 2. Ds1 was well over 4. Ds2 would have been around 3. I digress … I fed them all, in public, until they turned 2. To me, by then, they could understand that they needed to wait until we got home. If it’s a comfort thing (and there’s nothing wrong with that) it can be exchanged for a hug or a snuggle and reading a book with him.

Even after they turned 2 I’d whip it out in public if they were hurt. I must have a resting bitch face because very few people ever commented negatively about it.

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:53

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 17:49

It would be unusual for a child to even be able to feed at that age due to the changes that take place with the teeth/sucking action.
But I wouldn't expect you to know that.
School age is 5 where I live.

Well its 4 in england. And children absolutely can breastfeed well past 4 i dont know where you're getting your information from

hardtocare · 15/07/2025 17:52

I breastfed mine until 3y4m but from around 18m I did stop feeding in public for this reason and replacing a feed with a cuddle and a drink of water. Mainly cos of the judgment but also because it started feeling weird to me. DD caught on quickly and got with it so it might be time to make a call on how you feel about it. If you’re fine with it keep going though!

PeapodMcgee · 15/07/2025 17:50

I breastfed til well over 3yrs. It's perfectly normal.

Simply tell them to fuck off, honestly.

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 17:49

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:45

Kids start school at 4. Do you not agree with 8/9 year olds being breastfed. That is quite judgemental of you im slightly disappointed in you

Edited

It would be unusual for a child to even be able to feed at that age due to the changes that take place with the teeth/sucking action.
But I wouldn't expect you to know that.
School age is 5 where I live.

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:48

Starpleked · 15/07/2025 17:39

Why does it affect you? Personally I wouldn't have liked feeding at that age, but if the mother and the child are both happy then whats the issue?

Where have I said it effects me? Im giving my opinion on a mumsnet thread posted under aibu isnt that what we are supposed to do or do we all have to agree on everything. It would be a pretty boring site

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:45

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 17:44

I've read the whole thread. Four is the oldest anyone has posted, and mostly it's 2 or 3 yo. School starts at 5 doesn't it?
Youre making it sound like it's 8 or 9 year old, not young children.

Kids start school at 4. Do you not agree with 8/9 year olds being breastfed. That is quite judgemental of you im slightly disappointed in you

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 17:44

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:36

Im talking about people on this thread who are still breastfeeding their school aged children if you had bothered to read it.

I've read the whole thread. Four is the oldest anyone has posted, and mostly it's 2 or 3 yo. School starts at 5 doesn't it?
Youre making it sound like it's 8 or 9 year old, not young children.

Starpleked · 15/07/2025 17:39

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:36

Im talking about people on this thread who are still breastfeeding their school aged children if you had bothered to read it.

Why does it affect you? Personally I wouldn't have liked feeding at that age, but if the mother and the child are both happy then whats the issue?

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 17:36

Stopbitingyourhands · 15/07/2025 16:06

20 month olds don't go to school. I'd be pretty shocked if a DC said 'get your tit's out' too but I'm not sure what it has to do with this thread?

Im talking about people on this thread who are still breastfeeding their school aged children if you had bothered to read it.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 15/07/2025 17:27

nutbrownhare15 · 15/07/2025 12:59

No it isn't. She can wean whenever she wants to. There is no 'sign' that can be diagnosed by a stranger on the internet

She’s struggling.
It’s time.

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 16:19

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 14:21

I cant believe how old some people breast feed their kids to i couldn't imagine picking my kid up from school and them being like come on mum get your tit's out I want my after school snack. I know im being judgemental but 🤢🤮

You're not just being judgemental, you're being gross and a bit stupid.

Stopbitingyourhands · 15/07/2025 16:06

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 14:21

I cant believe how old some people breast feed their kids to i couldn't imagine picking my kid up from school and them being like come on mum get your tit's out I want my after school snack. I know im being judgemental but 🤢🤮

20 month olds don't go to school. I'd be pretty shocked if a DC said 'get your tit's out' too but I'm not sure what it has to do with this thread?

Funnywonder · 15/07/2025 14:33

maddiemookins16mum · 15/07/2025 14:12

Nothing wrong with breastfeeding but he’s 20 months, not 2 months.

Wise up🙄

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