I want to get external opinions and see if I am being unreasonable.
Having previously held several stressful jobs with long hours, I quit my job last year and I am now at home looking after my 6 and 4 year olds (who both go to school). We are in a very lucky financial position where we could afford for me not to go back to work. My husband has a demanding, stressful job with long hours and travels fairly often.
However, my husband's attitude is killing me. I have always done about 80% of all the housework / childcare and general mental load management, even when I was in busy jobs. That is probably why I found it so hard to juggle all the demands. My husband was on board with me quitting as he could see how overwhelmed I was.
Right now, logically, I do pretty much 100% of housework and childcare etc. But my husband now seems to have this vague notion that it is completely normal, and that his sleep and needs are somehow superior to mine because I don't work. He never phrased it in this way, but for example, he will often sleep in on Sundays, have a nap after lunch and leave all clearing up to me, and go for a walk and disappear when it's dinner time and bedtime. He won't get up in the night if the children wake up, and he won't get them up and ready in the mornings. He used to be like that sometimes, but now it's like he can justify it to himself because he's the only one in a really stressful busy job.
I guess I feel I'm screwed either way: if I have a job, I am still doing the vast majority of housework (although my husband never recognised that), and if I don't work, it feels like I am here to accommodate his needs (sleeping, resting) and cannot in any way ask him to do a bit more at home without him telling me, well, why don't you go find yourself a big job and I'll stay at home? But I know I wouldn't want that, and I suspect he wouldn't like it or cope with housework without me hand holding him.
Also, his mum is very much of the mindset that women were put on earth to be caring and look after everyone, so there's definitely an element I recognise here (and hate).
AIBU?