Friend simply won't stop messaging!

I agree with many of the posters above who are saying this is stalking territory, and the fact you have told him to scale it back and he hasn't is unacceptable.

I would steer clear of any response that makes it sound like you're not coping in general, that you're sorry or you value him.

Keep it simple, maybe something like "x, I've asked you before to stop sending me so many messages. In the past week alone, you've me X many messages. I'm asking you for the final time to stop."

And then block if he continues.

!00% agree, all started after h died. I'd be letting this one go, he sounds a complete pita, trampling over your emotions, possibly trying to cheer you up with the silly videos, but who needs that in your situation?
Doesn't seem to have any filter whatsoever. I wouldn't bother reading stuff from him and telling him I'll et back ini touch when I'm ready.
This comes across as harassment, why the hell does he think this is okay to do this? Seems more about him, a real friend wouldn't do this, they would give you the space you need and would help in a productive way, not pestering.

You are right Katiesaidthat
We have had conversations about how he finds fault with every single person who comes into his life.
Ive known his over 20 years, and been there through 10s of disastrous relationships, where the other person is always the problem
I have stopped physically meeting up with him after a few occasions of him being rude to staff in shops and restaurants on our trips that left me feeling so uncomfortable for them, and so angry at him that the day was ruined.

Apologies op for derailing your thread. I really needed to talk about this but was scared of starting a thread about it incase of being accused of being a horrible person.
I hope you find a resolution.

He's not a friend, he's an obsessive stalking entitled cunt who has no respect for your boundaries.

If you had blocked him you wouldn't be seeing his messages any more. So block his number, and for the email set up a mailbox rule that deletes anything from him as soon as it is received.

If he knows where you live and you think he might come round once you stop engaging with his messages, get a doorbell camera and report him to the police for harassment. If he only has phone number and email address then perhaps police aren't necessary.

Some of the drafted replies above are deranged - you should never use the words "sorry" or "please" or "dear x" or any of that sort of people pleasing language with cunts like this. They will see absolutely any response as a green light to carry on or even up the ante.

Women are not obliged to listen to anyone else's problems or engage with anyone or be anyone's friend or read drivel about what someone had for breakfast or put up with harassment or do any of the nonsense that's expected of us especially by men (but often by other women too).

I am sorry for your loss, and that you are having to deal with this arsehole at what is probably the worst time in your life. And I am sorry if this reply seems angry - it is, I am angry at men like this, not at you.

^^. This is perfect!

So sorry for your loss op.

I have a family member who is constantly sending WhatsApp messages and I find it stressful as it is always somehow on my to do list to reply to him, so I completely understand where you are coming from op, and it must be even more distressing when you are going through the stress of grief. And all of the paper work associated with bereavement.

I am sorry that you have to do this but I think you are going to have to assert yourself very forcefully and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop. He is either praying on you deliberately, or has the hide of a rhinoceros or both,

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your husband and all that you have been through. This man is nothing but a drain on your time and your emotions. As others have said, a real friend, that is a friend who truly cares for you would do as you have asked. This alone demonstrates he is not a genuine friend. You sound so kind and thoughtful and he sounds the total opposite. Would you consider changing your number? That would be one way of stoppping the messages. This can be a hassle but it would get him out off your phone

He wants a relationship with you. If you dont want one with him you need to be incredibly firm, and probably cut him out of your life.

OP, this is harassment, plain and simple.

1. He started doing this after your husband died. Suggests ulterior motives and it's hugely disrespectful to both you and your late husband.
2. You ask him to contact you less and he just keeps going. Blatant boundary violation.
3. If you block him he contacts you via other platforms.

At this point he is trying to wear you down. He wants a relationship by any means necessary, that much is clear. His behavior is a massive red flag.

Personally I would block him on everything, but don't be surprised if he shows up in person when you do. Preserve. He will eventually learn that his behavior does not pay off.

You might also want to read 'The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. If worst gets to worst, contact the police. Keep a record of all communication attempts in the meanwhile.

I value this person’s friendship,

Like others I am wondering why.

He doesn't seem to value you at all.

He may have been ok in the past but he absolutely isn't now & he isn't listening to you either & making sure that he does what he wants.

What makes you think he will ever improve from this?

Verging on harassment, a genuine friend wouldn’t do this. Just block. He isn’t a friend. Sorry you are having such a tough time OP.

I agree with this approach.

Be blunt and don't say anything about being in touch in the future.

sounds to me like he wants to be your shoulder to cry on, at which point he'll probably try and shag you.

GripGetter I’m sorry to say that my father in law has behaved like this to three widows and is now moving on to another one. The only thing that stopped him with the first one was her son phoning him and telling him to stop as he was causing her great distress. Sadly, some of these pushy, insensitive men only respond to another man as they see women as weak and fair game.

100% agree. Block and move. He doesn't bother much about your struggles does he?

Tell him you are taking a break from all messaging, and block him
You can always unblock later if you want to see if he's learned a lesson

I have a friend like this. She lost her job and increased the number her of messages! I was over whelmed with them. At first I muted them. But when it came to replying to them once a day, I still felt over whelmed with the number of them. I told her in the end that i was sorry but don't have as much free time to respond to all the messages. I would reply the day after and only to one of the messages, I'd ignore the rest. I get far less now which is great.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

This is my first thought.

I think people are right that you should now say:

X, I am not sure what's going on, but I've told you I can't cope with messages at the moment, and you keep sending me multiple messages every day. Please stop. I'm not going to be able to read or respond to any of them. I cannot.

etc.

Really make it a billion per cent clear. Spell it out.

I appreciate your friendship, and your concern but the level of messages coming from you is overwhelming for me. Please stop sending so many, there's no way I can read them, nevermind reply to them.

OP, just block. Sometimes it has to be simple and straightforward for someone too thick skinned to get the hint. And yes, he fancies you.

I imagine he is doing what is recommended for a grieving friend. He is just keeping in contact.. as you say, banal stuff that you don't have to respond to. This is just so you know he's there and when he asked in you were back yet, it was his way of asking if you were coming out of your grief.
He sound slike an amazing friend who is unconditionally there for you and just wants you to know he is.

And why do you think that is? perhaps others have had to put boundaries in place. I would be quite blunt, I am, when pushed. I find it works.

My thoughts too, unfortunately. Wants to keep you for himself, hence the non stop contact.

You don’t have to fake brothers texts or send long winded stories or be apologetic again and again.

You send one message however you put it you need to be firm and tell him that youve already asked him to stop and if the abundance of messages/emails/social media posts continue you will block him on it all and the friendship will be over.

First and most importantly, I'm very sorry for your loss. Grief admin is never ending, complete nightmare!
Your friend isn't really a true one. He reminds me of a dog sniffing around a bitch in heat. He wasn't attentive until you were widowed, which says to me that he is looking to audition you to be his housekeeper. AKA new wife.
You need to block him. He's not taken any notice of you being polite, it's the only way to stop him being a pest. That amount of messages would be classed as harassment in some contexts. I'm not convinced it's not the right way to describe it here too.