Friend simply won't stop messaging!

“Not back yet no. Still overwhelmed by life and your persistent messaging when I’ve told you it’s too much is adding to that overwhelm. Please respect my wishes and stop texting me, I’ll be in touch when I’m ready”.

I've no advice Im afraid, but I feel your pain op. I have a friend exactly like this.
Like you I have asked 10s of times for him to stop repeatedly messaging me to no avail.
Also like you I don't want to block him as I know he has no family or friends, but it really gets me down.
I wake up every morning to at least one video from YouTube, and my evenings are disturbed with constant messages whether I reply or not.

Im sorry you are having to deal with this at a time you are feeling fragile.

Don't be a fool like I have been though, putting up with it for years.

You should not value his friendship, he's harassing you and pissing all over your boundaries, especially now he sees you as single and fair game. Get some genuine friends.

Tell him you are no longer interested in remaining friends with him, wish him well (if you must), then block on all platforms.

I really think that blocking is the only way to stop this. He's way out of order and isn't listening to you. You can unblock him when you're ready, it doesn't have to be the end of your friendship unless you want it to be.

How have you done this exactly because it doesn't sound like you have blocked him even temporarily?

I'm worried op that this 'friend' sees you as fair game now you're a widow and is trying to strike up a romantic relationship with you. This is very common after a break up or bereavement where male friends prey on the newly single woman.

So sorry about your husband's passing.

please block this twat, even if temporarily. He has zero respect for your needs, how is he a friend? He's really not.

Do you have other friends and support? Prioritise your normal friendships and start investing in those.

I agree he may be romantically interested in you, this might or might not be financially driven.

He may have also enjoyed being the knight in shining armour, and rescuing you, and may feel he has a role and access to your life whenever he wants.

A short message would do:

’I am taking a break from all messages and sm for a while. As I am working through so much admin. Have a great summer and catch up soon’

Then block for a month. Put out of hours on your email, block all messages and texts and take time out. It’s the only way op. Regain control of your own life.

Do this again, one last time. If he doesn’t listen, block. You may value his friendship but he’s not a good friend if he can’t respect your boundaries. He sounds quite socially inept? Does he fancy you or something and wants to keep the dialogue going at all costs? Or just lonely? Either way, he’s showing you that your needs don’t matter and he wants someone to act as his sounding board.

This, but you don’t need to tell him you’re blocking him as that sounds a bit harsh (although I wouldn’t blame you as he deserves it) but just say you’re muting his messages and may only be able to respond occasionally.

Agree with posters who are suggesting a straightforward message. However, I’d avoid saying you'll be back in touch within a given timeframe. Without his harassing texts, you may well find that the peace suits you and that you don’t want to pick the friendship up again. Your only responsibility at the moment is to yourself and your need for space to grieve, in protecting that you don't owe this man anything. Be gentle with yourself.

He’s in stalker territory here and you seem vulnerable. You’ve already told him to give you space and he’s ignored you. I’d just ghost tbh at this stage, you don’t owe him anything.

Hi OP, so sorry for your loss and all this stress.
I would recommend sending him one simple message saying 'John, you're a good friend and I really value you, but all these messages are too much at the moment. I'm temporarily blocking you until I have the headspace to be in touch again, probably in a couple of months when I've sorted out this admin and I'm back home and able to think straight . I hope you understand. Love.'

I think you’re goi g to have to be blunt.

Dear Fred,
I am sorry to have to say this, but I have asked you previously to scale back the volume of messages because I have so much going on in my life. You are still sending hundreds of messages and I am starting to feel smothered by them and anxious every time another one arrives. I’m asking you again to please stop sending all these messages. If you cannot do this I am going to have to block all contact with you and step away from the friendship until my life calms down again. You have been a good friend to me in the past, but all these messages are simply OTT.

Then see if he can buck his ideas up - if not then you really should step away. This is more of a harassment situation than a friendship.

I knew guys that were like this albeit it was when I was a teenager and in my early twenties. I know PP say its something malicious like he's after money and sniffing around thinking you are a wealthy widow, but my money is on him being (undiagnosed?) on the spectrum and he just isn't getting the hint or understanding the social cue that he is being obsessive and suffocating. I'd firmly tell him that you are finding it overwhelming and if he continues then just block him for your own mental peace and sanity.

You need to be more forceful and direct. Take a break from him. Tell him you are blocking all communication for a month/3 months/whatever seems reasonable. You will get in touch when you are ready to resume contact. Do not try to read the backlog of messages he has already sent, simply delete them. When/if you get back in touch set a limit of one message a day and delete any others, unread.

I agree with this.

I am sorry for your loss OP

I am sorry for your loss. I agree that he wants to step into your DH’s shoes. He is stepping all over your boundaries to you’ll need to be blunt. It has to be along the lines of, ‘Hi Bob, I’m blocking you on everything because the volume and content of your messages and emails is overwhelming and I no longer wish to engage with them. Do not try to contact me again.’

I’m so sorry you lost your husband.

Maybe this friend always had a crush on you and now sees you as available. Or perhaps he’s feels he’s helping you through your grief.

Whatever the reason, he is not respecting your wishes so he needs to be told, gently but firmly, to back off.

So sorry you’re going through all of this

but also agree that he’s sniffing around a wealthy widow

He can smell money.

This is madness on his part, how self obsessed can someone be. He's utterly thoughtless of your needs. This would put me right off ever being friends tbh.
I see that you've got two options. Either have it out by sending a detailed message explaining (like your OP) then block him on everything, or continue to mute and ignore, never reading the messages, just ghost him until he eventually gets the idea. I guess your occasional replies are enough for him to keep deluding himself his contact is wanted.

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss and for the difficult situation this "friend" has created. He doesn't care about what you want, does he?
You're in a very vulnerable position just now and you need to look after yourself. We can only guess why he didn't behave like this before your bereavement, and why he chooses to do so now. His motivation doesn't matter though, what matters is that his messages are unwanted and are causing you distress. You have indicated politely that they're unwanted and he continues. You can, and should block him. You need supportive friends. Not this.

Sounds like he's making sure he stays on your radar OP. This man isn't your friend.

I would say something along the lines of :

Please, John stop sending so many texts/messages/WhatsApps. I am really struggling having to deal with Harry's estate, and I cannot deal with the added pressure from you at the moment. I know you will want what's best for me, so am sure you will respect my request.

It sounds like you've had an unbelievable tough time of it, I'm sorry.

I assume he thinks he's helping, that you appreciate the distraction, but you've told him multiple times so he's being a dick. Very similar to men who persue you and believe every 'no' is actually you just playing hard to get.

But what can you do? You've told him multiple times, you're ignoring his messages. You could speak to him or ask a friend to on your behalf, you could write a very frank email about how much he is upsetting you with all this and if he wishes the friendship to continue he must respect your need for distance right now. Or you could block him.

Id honestly go with blocking.