Friend simply won't stop messaging!

If you value him for the friend he once was and might be again one day, say in a year or so, you will tell him and you will block him. Any response, any sign of you having read something he’s sent etc is feeding this obsession. It’s not about you at this stage, it has clearly crossed over into a fixation. Maybe one day down the line you can be friends again but this is going to take many months for him to come down and move on from. He should not be your priority, but if you want to the right thing by him you must block him on all channels. It genuinely is the best thing you can do for him as well as you. I’m sure it feels awful to be cutting a friendship when you’ve so recently lost your husband but blocking now (with a firm but fair notification that you are doing so before you immediately block - don’t wait for a response - is the right thing for both of you.

I think this covers everything - we are so conditioned to be nice, be kind etc etc but we fail to include ourselves in that!

People change and friendships change, ebb and flow and also peter out - this person and this friendship is not what it was, time to let it go.

My condolences and very best wishes for the future.💐

I am so sorry for your loss. You are grieving and have so much on that you are burnt out, yet this man is harrassing you. You need to tell him in a really straightforward way that you cannot cope with all his texts and emails, and he must stop sending them. It is really inappropriate of him to keep bothering you like this - its unkind, selfish and unacceptable. You need to be tough and tell him to stop sending you anything, and you will contact him when you are ready (if you actually want to).
He sounds obsessive and bad news. I am not sure why you are friends with him, but whatever, please take control of the situation for your own sake and be firm and upfront. Hints are not enough.

I agree with this. You shouldn’t/don’t need to say sorry if you choose to message him.

Delete all messages as they come in, never read them. If and when you finally feel like messaging him again do it on your own time as though nothing had changed at all. That is assuming you want to keep him as a friend into the future.

And I am very sorry for your loss.

Im so sorry for your loss. It’s right that you give yourself all the space and time you need to deal with your grief and the new world you have to live in.

I know you say you value his friendship but actually, right now, you don’t. And he is not being a friend to you. That bring the case, I would text him and say …. Look Dave, I’ve asked you repeatedly to respect my need for some space and time, but you don’t seem able to do this. So I’m not going to reply to any more messages from you. Then block everywhere that he contacts you.

If you don’t want to block, this is a great message & then leave him archived & never check your archive folder (until you’re ready). Sorry for your loss Op.

@smmontana this man is a massive red flag.
He’s not friend! He is orgwing on someone grieving. Looking to get his own way when you are vulnerable (whatever it may be he wants )
You , money . Both ?

He does not respect boundaries.
You are going to have to deal with him in some way .
Honestky I’d message and tell him he is too much and you need him to stop messaging you altogether .
As he keeps messaging in different avenues this can be seen as harassment . You have asked he stops and he keeps going.

Wow this is really creepy. He's harrassing you.

I'd send one final message, nothing flowery, no "sorry but" - just a very basic message along the lines of "please stop contacting me, it's making me feel uncomfortable".

Then if he continues, I'd go straight to the police. He's seriously unhinged. Your friendship has gone out of the window, he's a creepy stalker at best.

He is totally giving us all the ick.
block him. He sounds like a stalker. Nothing u say will make any difference, he will do what HE wants. Block now completely. You have nothing to lose and your sanity to gain. He wants to wear you down and he’s doing it. Take your life back.

I would say ,

"Bob, I appreciate your friendship over the last couple of years, but feel the messaging is now out of hand, I don't have the head space right now . So I'm stepping aside for now until I have everything sorted my end. Thank you for understanding"

Then I would block him on every thing, when you are ready and if you want to reconnect

I don’t think your friend is your friend. I think he wants more than that and will continue to bother you until you end up cutting all contact. If he continues to harass you past this point, I would be report him to the police.

agree with InWithPeaceOutWithStress**

"Tell him you’ve reached breaking point and if he contacts you again you’re reporting him to the police."

I think it's pretty clear he likes you and wants something more. He wants to be the first man in your thoughts when you're ready to date again.

You mention he is giving you the 'ick' which is normally a reference to romantic feelings going awry - did you feel something for him? Are you scared of pushing him away because you see a future with him one day?

I'm very sorry for your loss.

This man is not a friend. He's not respecting your stated boundaries. He's trampling them like a rhino, that's how over the line he is. 58 messages in a week? That's nuts.

You're trying to not hurt his feelings but he doesn't care about yours.

I'm a widow and I agree with some of the PP that this is about hoping to move in on a widow with some money. You said he wasn't like this before your husband died. He sees an opportunity and he's pursuing it no matter what you say.

He doesn't listen to you. That's the important part. Friends listen. Friends would pull back if you asked them to. He's just barreling ahead. When you ask him to stop texting and messaging and he doesn't, that's when it turns into harassment.

That disrespect would have me blocking him. You're going to have to shut him down sooner or later. It might be time to go no contact because he's now harassing you.

Sorry for your loss. Be extra kind to yourself. X

Yep this. Keep him away he's looking to make a move on your inheritance

The fact he has "no-one" would make me wary about having any kind of friendship with such a pain in the arse. I would block and not explain anything. If you still value his presence ask yourself why? Or is it that you can't face being a not "nice" person?
Believe me I've been in a similar thing and after feeling uncomfortable for a couple of weeks, I felt liberated from that old albatross around the neck.

Anyone who gives you that heavy, sicky feeling in your stomach and an odd sense of dread / guilt when they contact you, isn't good for you and isn't a friend (although they will tell you they are). Would you act the way he has, towards someone you care about? I'm sure you wouldn't. But people like him, are often good at twisting things to make you feel like you are indebted to them. You really aren't. And honestly, I think you will find it very freeing, if you cut ties.

Not to be unkind OP, you come across as quite vulnerable in your post. Which is understandable, especially in the circumstances! But I'd be wary of anyone not respecting your boundaries, as being vulnerable can attract the wrong sort of attention x

You need to show him boundaries and assert them. Send him a message explaining that you are not comfortable with the amount of messages he keeps sending and to stop it. It is not an unreasonable request judging the circumstances.
If he continues to bombard you with messages or if he reacts negatively towards you in any way then you need to block him and stop responding. True friends have respect for each other's boundaries. You may have valued him as a friend before, but he is clearly overstepping possibly because he has an ulterior motive especially with your impending inheritance ££ do not ignore these red flags. He is not a valued friend any more.

Condolences to you OP.
Text him that you're disappointed his response to your request to reduce the amount of messages he sends you, is to upset you by sending even more. Tell him not to message any more and you will be in touch in a few months And that if he ignores this you will have no option other than to block him.
If he carries on, he doesn’t care about you, so sadly no friendship to save.
Sending strength, you don’t need this and it’s really unfair of him, I’d be quite angry with him for ruining a friendship and hassling you.

Tell him you’ve reached breaking point and if he contacts you again you’re reporting him to the police.

It’s a serious red flag when men demonstrate that they will cross your boundaries. For example if you’re on a date and you say you don’t want x drink, and he insists and buys it for you anyway. This man isn’t your friend as he is demonstrating he doesn’t respect your clearly stated boundaries. What other boundaries might he be willing to cross to satisfy his own needs?

"Fred. I NEED you to text and message me less! The amount of messages you send are driving me mad. I appreciate your friendship, and you checking up on me, but it's reached the point where I'm genuinely considering blocking your number. Stop messaging me, and be sound in the knowledge that I'm totally fine and don't need checking up on. I'm having a couple of weeks [away, off grid, offline, sorting shit out], where I won't look at my phone. If I see I've got loads of missed messages from you I'm going to have to block you, because I literally cannot cope with your message; you're adding stress to my life at an already stressful time."

I'd also stop replying, or looking at them - leave them so you can see them when they pop up, and then mute the notification.

Is he a particularly close friend OP? Are you in any group chats together? I'd consider maybe communicating more via that group chat, and less directly (If you're replying to him at all), so that if he's genuinely worried when you don't reply within a few hours/days, the others in the group chat can both reassure him ("she said on Tuesday she was away sorting out the bank stuff, she'll have no internet out there", and also see how persistent he's being, which will come into your favour if he's still sending loads of messages.