Friend simply won't stop messaging!

You take control of your own life.
Either you are tired of this fellow, or not.

If you are fed up with his communication simply ask him to stop funny messaging you. Insist that he funny message you fewer than once per week or you will block him.
If he does message you once per week remember to only respond sometimes. Do not tick or heart or laugh back.
Practise restraint.

If he continues to be deaf to your very polite request, block him.

Yep, he's wearing you down. Have a good look at his situation, yours and see what benefits he could get from you. He's not being a good friend. He's imposing.

AGREE! Poor woman needs a man now. Vacancy in the home.
Shut his msging down. Block him and don't feel bad.

We had a handyman who we occasionally had come round to do some work. He liked to talk and so did my husband. He'd do 2 hours work, then stay for another 3 hours talking. I managed eventually to wind him back with doing odd jobs so we didn't see him much.
In 2020 my husband was diagnosed with cancer and died in 6 months. I notified this man so he could attend the service.
Then he took to turning up here "to see if you are OK". Yes thank you I am. This went on for a while, every few weeks. He rents a small flat nearby, I live in our home on a small farm lot. He took to turning up, walking into the yard and knocking on the house siding. Several times I would be napping and get a fright.
I retired after a year and I took to telling him I was not working anymore so I couldn't afford to pay him. He then kept turning up offering to do work for free. He also said a couple of times that he'd been here and I wasn't home.
At that point I put a sign on the gate and a gate bell and a couple of times I just didn't go out when he turned up. Last time he was here was a hot summer day 2024 with the sun low in the sky and I stood and made him squint into the sun in his car while I told him I was busy. Haven't seen him since.
I didn't feel like confronting him so I took others means to dissuade him. If I were you I would block this man on all media and let him howl at the moon.

I’m sorry about your husband.

I wouldn’t send another message asking him to stop, especially one that says you’ll be in touch when you’re ready/eventually/in a few months. What he’ll hear is “The amount of texts and DMs to send to get @smmontana to respond is [however many he sent between your last message and this one].” He’ll continue harassing you, but worse: he’s got you to reply once by bombarding you, now let’s redouble those efforts!

Blocking is the only thing that works. On all channels.

Have you been clear/direct enough? eg

"You are overwhelming me with messages, it is too much and making me stressed. Please stop messaging me every single day. If I haven't read your last message, please don't send another one".

If you have already been this direct, then just block him and unfortunately, consider whether he really is a friend. But saying "I've got a lot on my plate" or "I'm too busy to respond right now" might sound to his ears like you are just explaining why you don't reply, not that you don't want the messages.

A lot of advice online about supporting a bereaved person emphasises the need to check in/stay in touch, even about "every day" stuff and I just wonder if he's deliberately trying to be supportive with the banal messages and hasn't understood it's far, far too much.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Couple of questions
How old is he
How long have you known him (before your husband passed)

This, it's about him not you. He's sniffing around. The friendship has gone.

Some lovely supportive posts on here but this one mirrors my feelings the most.

i think I really get where you’re coming from, because I feel stressed and frustrated on your behalf just reading about it. I would feel suffocated and panicked by the situation and would have to somehow find the strength to deal with it assertively in order for my mental heath to survive.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and wish you the very best.

You say you've been clear that you need space, but have you actually said that he's sending too many texts? Have you spelled it out in those actual words? If so, just feel free to ignore his messages and only respond if you want to. You don't have to read them. It sounds to me like you're just being too polite. Be more direct. Stay friendly, tell him you can't read them all and that you'd prefer not to get so many messages.

I wondered that. Does he see you as a rich merry widow?

His friendship has turned into harassment, and not what you need right now.

You’re not a wuss or pathetic. There’s another thread running whereby a person has had similar problems with a neighbour.

Why on earth should OP hide behind some pretend man?

He wants something from you.

He’s not doing this out of kindness or concern- he wants something.

You can value this friendship all the time but he doesn’t value it. He just wants something you have.

You're in a vulnerable state having to deal with your late husband's financial matters and he's abusing that situation. He is not a friend, he is showing you who he is.

give him an inch and he's taking 10 miles.

your OP predicted that people would suggest you block him - that's because it is the most appropriate and effective way to stop this oblivious monster, because he is clearly too thick to know how he's coming across, entitled and demanding.

please get rid of him, he's a millstone around your neck. You have no obligation to tiptoe round him to protect his overinflated ego.

I'm so sorry for your loss @smmontana

I'm sorry but he's after more than friendship, and sees you as available now.

I would really have a think about whether he does add anything to your life except pressure and hassle.

If not, just block him. You're entitled to peace, and it's clear what he's after, which is really disrespectful when you're going through such a difficult time.

You could also text him from a male friend’s phone telling him to stop messaging you. Sign off with male friend’s name/brother’s name etc.

Ahhh just seen your update. He hasn’t taken your ask into consideration. I think blocking is now appropriate and this comes from someone who has never blocked anyone.

This sounds utterly overwhelming for you. I’m sorry you’re not finding the space you need to grieve. I’d send him a card in the post saying something like, ‘ Thank you for your support recently. I am struggling to find the headspace I need to grieve for my husband. I am dealing with daily death admin and a constant stream of messages from well meaning people but need to take some time away from all the contact. I will be in-touch when I’m ready but please don’t take offence when I don’t reply to messages, texts and emails.’

He has no one because of his own behaviour. A friendship is a two way relationship with mutual respect a basic factor. He’s is harassing you purely to satisfy his own agenda. This is NOT how a friend behaves.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm!

It’s good you muted him on WhatsApp but you need to go further and block him on your phone so he can’t text you anymore. Also, block him on WhatsApp too.

I wonder if you'd have any luck with a variation of something I'm trying with robocalls.

What if you replied to each one with just, "John, STOP!"? With whatever his name is.

Agree with this, but would add "I value your friendship but I am finding the huge number of messages from you really oppressive, so please limit them to once a week."

I would let him know that you value his friendship but the constant text messaging etc is bordering on harassment and taking its toll on your mental health. Tell him you are not going to respond to any of his messages for the next month or two as you need a break. If he doesn't respect your boundaries then he is not a good friend.

I'm very sorry you lost your husband 🌷

The man is either after you or he thinks you might not be all right and he's trying to be supportive.

I have had friends who contact too much, too often and I'm also not a texty person. I came to a point where I just messaged people "i love you but I'm opting out of texting" and I put them all on mute.

It was a bit harsh maybe, but we all have a right to consent to communication and there are people who want to chit chat all day.

I would just tell him he’s being to intrusive in your personal business and it’s none of his and he has to back off if he wants to be just friends bc he’s suffocating you.