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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH annoyed, who is in the wrong?

112 replies

candalll · 14/07/2025 21:56

So basically my DC (2) has had an enlarged lymph node for 2 months now.

We were told to come back if it was still there a month ago.

The GP has referred us to the paediatric team.

My DH is absolutely fuming at me for booking the GP appointment.

He thinks that’s it’s normal to have enlarged lymph nodes.
I had to get the GP to explain what an enlarged lymph node can indicate an infection or very rarely cancer and he still wasn’t having it.

I feel as if I have wasted the GP’s time and just took DC in for no reason.

Have I done the right thing?

My dad has had cancer so anything health wise that is a concern I do book a GP appointment but not for minor things.

The last time we went to the GP prior to this was in June (for the enlarger lymph node and ringworm) and prior to this was in January (after a pharmacist referred us) so it’s not like I am always even taking DC to the GP.

OP posts:
Internaut · 14/07/2025 23:14

Have you asked him why he thinks his friends know more about your child's health than the qualified doctor who has actually examined your child?

Londonismyjam · 14/07/2025 23:14

Haveanaiceday · 14/07/2025 22:02

Can I jump straight to LTB?

😂

LurkyMcLurkinson · 14/07/2025 23:09

So he doesn’t respect your opinion, belittles you, challenges your parenting and is abusive. What’s keeping you in this relationship?

Horses7 · 14/07/2025 23:07

You’re right to take health seriously - your husband is wrong and sounds pretty gormless and potentially dangerous tbh.
Don’t let him undermine and control you. Perhaps rethink your whole relationship?

Peclet · 14/07/2025 23:05

Ditch the husband. Do the freedom program with women’s aid.

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 14/07/2025 23:05

Donttellempike · 14/07/2025 22:54

Thanks brain of Britain please explain on what planet your medical history has an iota of relevance to anyone else. . 😂😂😂😂

Show quote history

I made a similar comment at this person. My reasoning was so that she didn’t panic too much that’s all. I don’t think anyone is disagreeing that it still needs checking but sometimes it’s good to know others have had the same things without them turning out to be something sinister. It would ease my mind slightly until it’s checked out properly by paediatrics, hopefully the OP feels the same.

User16042025 · 14/07/2025 23:04

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:55

Er, no, I never said it shouldn't be investigated. Wtf is wrong with you that you are creating a narrative of something I never even said? Have you been drinking? 🙄

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Your story has no bearing in this situation whatsoever. Her child still needs this investigated. You are saying that her husband is 'correct' when he has clearly been wrong multiple times give the OP's subsequent posts. Not helpful. Of course it could be nothing, I think everyone knows that, the problem is he isn't happy with them seeking further medical attention.

Left · 14/07/2025 23:03

Oh lovely! This is one of those red herring threads, initially about a disagreement but there is so much more going on.

Your DP sounds terrible - what support do you need to make a plan to leave him?

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 14/07/2025 23:00

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:59

Same here. Mine too is on the right side of the neck.

Nutters though on this thread abused me for saying it, so be careful.

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Oh really, why? Strange. No reason to lie!

Blades2 · 14/07/2025 23:00

Your husband sounds like hard work. and to be quite honest, slightly abusive. Why is he always ridiculing you?

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:59

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 14/07/2025 22:58

You have absolutely done the right thing and of course you couldn’t forgive yourself if something were to happen to your child and you hadn’t taken action.

I don’t know if this will make you feel any better but I have had an enlarged lymph node on the right side of my neck since childhood and it has never gone down. It is visible and it is fine as I’ve had it scanned or whatever it is called. But absolutely it needs checking for peace of mind.

Men are so weird, how could it even be something that bothers him? I’ll never understand them.

Same here. Mine too is on the right side of the neck.

Nutters though on this thread abused me for saying it, so be careful.

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 14/07/2025 22:58

You have absolutely done the right thing and of course you couldn’t forgive yourself if something were to happen to your child and you hadn’t taken action.

I don’t know if this will make you feel any better but I have had an enlarged lymph node on the right side of my neck since childhood and it has never gone down. It is visible and it is fine as I’ve had it scanned or whatever it is called. But absolutely it needs checking for peace of mind.

Men are so weird, how could it even be something that bothers him? I’ll never understand them.

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:57

cherish123 · 14/07/2025 22:54

YANBU
My DC had the same and I repeatedly visited the GP. It is quite common but it's always better to get these things checked out.

Careful. You too will get your head bitten off.

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:56

Donttellempike · 14/07/2025 22:54

Thanks brain of Britain please explain on what planet your medical history has an iota of relevance to anyone else. . 😂😂😂😂

Show quote history

I simply said having an enlarged lymph node doesn't necessarily mean something's wrong.

That's all!!

FFS.

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:55

User16042025 · 14/07/2025 22:53

So that means it shouldn't be investigated, we should just take your word for it? 🙄

Show quote history

Er, no, I never said it shouldn't be investigated. Wtf is wrong with you that you are creating a narrative of something I never even said? Have you been drinking? 🙄

cherish123 · 14/07/2025 22:54

YANBU
My DC had the same and I repeatedly visited the GP. It is quite common but it's always better to get these things checked out.

Donttellempike · 14/07/2025 22:54

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:52

Um....what? Are you quite ok?

I was making the point that enlarged lymph nodes doesn't always mean something is wrong.

READ my post again, slower this time. 🙄 Total reading and comprehension fail on your part.

Show quote history

Thanks brain of Britain please explain on what planet your medical history has an iota of relevance to anyone else. . 😂😂😂😂

User16042025 · 14/07/2025 22:53

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:52

Um....what? Are you quite ok?

I was making the point that enlarged lymph nodes doesn't always mean something is wrong.

READ my post again, slower this time. 🙄 Total reading and comprehension fail on your part.

Show quote history

So that means it shouldn't be investigated, we should just take your word for it? 🙄

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:52

Donttellempike · 14/07/2025 22:48

Total logic fail.

What happened to you is completely irrelevant. Are you the DH?🙄

Show quote history

Um....what? Are you quite ok?

I was making the point that enlarged lymph nodes doesn't always mean something is wrong.

READ my post again, slower this time. 🙄 Total reading and comprehension fail on your part.

cinnamongirl123 · 14/07/2025 22:52

Just read your latest post - oh OP, I think you can see what’s going on here. He is not a good husband or father. He is abusive and nasty. Please contact Women’s Aid for advice. From what you’ve posted, my instincts are 100% that you and your DC need to be away from this man. Good luck OP, keep posting here for support and advice x

Donttellempike · 14/07/2025 22:51

RoseAlone · 14/07/2025 22:50

He's scared, pure and simple. He's trying to stick his head in the sand b

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And he’s an abusive prick happy to risk his child’s health

RoseAlone · 14/07/2025 22:50

candalll · 14/07/2025 21:59

He hates DC going to the GP or hospital because he hates hospitals himself.

Is he always like this unfortunately.

I try and be a good mother and I am just ridiculed all the time.

His medical approach would be to call up one of his friends and ask them if they have experienced anything was DC is experiencing.

He's scared, pure and simple. He's trying to stick his head in the sand b

yakkity · 14/07/2025 22:49

candalll · 14/07/2025 22:37

We both had to go as DH takes the car for work.

I am in the process of getting my own car (something he hates).

I have suffered from rectal bleeding and had a private colonoscopy but DH advised me that bleeding was normal.
Thankfully I only had piles.

I had an endoscopy due to acid reflux for over a year with PPI’s not working which revealed an inflammation in which I am taking tablets (that actually work) for.

Finally I have had unexplained bruising since October and he tried to talk me out of going for blood tests because apparently it was DC causing them without me realising it.

This is what I put up with for him, any GP appointment for DC is a battle.

He is very nasty and abusive as well.
All the neighbours have heard how he talks to me.

And you stay with him because?

Donttellempike · 14/07/2025 22:48

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:41

Your husband is dangerous and abusive and you really need to get away from him and get out of the marriage and get your children away from him.

BUT, having an enlarged lymph node does not mean something is necessarily wrong. I've had one enlarged lymph node near my collar bone for 16 years. Quite normal the radiographers and doctor has told me. Blood tests regularly over the years (plus ultrasound on the node) show everything is normal. So he is correct on that.

Total logic fail.

What happened to you is completely irrelevant. Are you the DH?🙄

Gremlins101 · 14/07/2025 22:47

SamiSnail · 14/07/2025 22:41

Your husband is dangerous and abusive and you really need to get away from him and get out of the marriage and get your children away from him.

BUT, having an enlarged lymph node does not mean something is necessarily wrong. I've had one enlarged lymph node near my collar bone for 16 years. Quite normal the radiographers and doctor has told me. Blood tests regularly over the years (plus ultrasound on the node) show everything is normal. So he is correct on that.

My son had enlarged lymph nodes and our doctor gave the same advise, return for another appointment if not gone away in ~3 weeks.

Of course it's not always dangerous but a young child still should go to the doctor. My doctor always says if my instinct tells me to bring my child in, I bring them in.