DH annoyed, who is in the wrong?

If you can’t get hold of anyone at women’s aid, as they are often very busy and call waiting times can be lengthy, google to see if you can find a local charity who can offer one to one support. You should also go to your local children’s centre and ask them to put you on the freedom programme.

Op hugs, this man is not even a human. He would rather you and your child suffer, eat unhealthy and sounds highly abusive. I’m glad you are reaching out to WA. You need to document this all. Also he sounds very unsafe to leave your kids with

After your first post, I was ready to give your ‘D’H the benefit of the doubt and assume his fear of hospitals was making him act out of character. But he sounds like a controlling and extremely unkind person. You are being an excellent parent by checking things with the GP - that’s literally what they’re there for. You don’t wait for imminent death or a limb to be hanging off to access GPs (although a lot of men seem to think that’s the best approach!). You go to them to check what’s going on and whether you need to be referred to a specialist. So your first step is to stop doubting yourself and your instinct. All the examples you’ve listed aren’t OTT. You need to remain strong and empowered for your DC’s sake.

I also think you’ll need to think about how happy and safe you are in this relationship. We only get part of the picture but you live with this person every day. Would you want your DC to marry someone like that? If not, why keep modelling that it’s acceptable. I’m always hopefully that communication and therapy can save a lot of marriages after children because it is such a challenging time but both parties need to be invested in the change and I don’t think anyone should put up with any form of abuse. I don’t know your ‘D’H enough to know if he could change but if he can’t, I don’t think you or your daughter deserve to be emotionally abused for the rest of your lives together.

I hope you have someone nearby (friend or family) to give you a big hug, OP. Please keep protecting your daughter and please don’t let his voice become bigger than your own - I know it might seem hard but you’re a mum - you’ve literally grown a human. You’re amazing and clearly know way more about being a good parent than he does.

You are spectacularly missing the point. Well done.

OP your relationship isn't a healthy or good one if he's abusive to you. I see you haven't got a car so can't go to see your GP alone, but could you make a telephone appointment to speak to her while your husband is out? You said she's lovely and I think she already has an inkling something is wrong by calling you back to get the leaflet. But please make sure you can do this without your husbands knowledge if you need that to keep safe. I wish you good luck, you and your son deserve better.

Having seen your updates your DH is horribly controlling and abusive. The fact he stops /discourages both you and the children from getting professional medical help for potential serious problems if extremely worrying and neglectful. Obviously we all hope that our concerns are nothing and that we are wasting GP time - but we always need to check for unexplained lumps, bleeds etc.

Please call women’s aid and try to get out of this relationship for both you and your DC’s benefit. Report all instances of him discouraging seeking medical aid, and how he reacts when you do.

I have ‘wasted’ GPs time before because I am not a medical professional and the advice is to take DC for temps over 40 and various other things. One of my DC was directly admitted to hospital after an out of hours for suspected sepsis. 24 hours later was told it was a virus.

Anyway, I digress. I have large glands in my neck. You can see them. This is my normal, but I was referred to oncology for a scan to double check! Less than a two week am

He is controlling and he is abusive.

It is extremely worrying that he actively prevents you and your child from seeking medical attention.

You really need to escape this.

Has he always been nasty and abusive? What’s stopping you from leaving him?

Well the GP would not have referred you if she thought you were wasting her time. What a strange reaction to a potential health issue. 100% you’ve done the right thing, and i’m sure every one of us here would have done the same. This is just a symptom of a much bigger problem in that your DH is abusive. Contact women’s aid and get yourself out of this situation.

Don’t be so ridiculous!

If they are paediatric doctors or course they can offer medical advice!!

Well then your DH sounds like he is projecting his own fears on to his DC and in doing that being extremely neglectful of what could be a serious health issue (although obviously hopefully it isn’t).

You’ve 100% done the right thing, and done what the health professionals have advised.

Your DH is an utter neglectful dickhead.

I think that neither of you are wrong about the theory - my lymph node on my neck has been enlarged for 4 years (I have eczema so it can happen).

However to be angry that you are taking the precaution of checking is barmy. Why is he angry?? It’s no skin off his nose to check surely and you’re following the advice.

Better to waste the GPs time than miss something important!

If he’s not protective of his children, he’s not doing the job a parent needs to do.
by ridiculing you (YANBU!) he is throwing blocks in the way of you doing the job a parent needs to do.
above all things, you’re doing right by your child.

your husband is a terrible parent.

You did the right thing and your husband is an idiot!

So as well as wanting to block you and your child from getting medical help, he is abusive in other ways too and wants to restrict your freedom (not wanting you to have a car)!

You really do need to leave this arsehole. This won't improve.

Is your husband a GP? If so then that’s the only reason he can be right on this matter.

He needs to see a GP & organise some CBT. Of course you’re right to do that. He’s behaving like a lunatic & jeapordising your child’s health. I couldn’t cope.

You say he hates you getting your own car? But can try to prevent you getting medical care in part because you don't currently have a car? That's pretty creepy.
And he speaks to you terribly.
This is not good, op. What are you going to do? Sounds like getting your own car is a great first step, hope you can do that soon. And think about whether this is someone you want in your home.

This with bells on!

Exactly @SamiSnail, you simply said that it didn't necessarily mean that something was wrong, However, you* didn't add that she was quite right to go back to her GP, as that was exactly what her GP had told her to do! FFS!*

I am quite sure that it was your ommission that left PPs with the impression that you thought that as the enlarged lymph node had been benign, that @candalll's DC's would also definitely be benign too!

Obviously, in the 'real world' that would be a ridiculous thing to assume. But, this is Mumsnet, where, along with innately intelligent and logical members, we also have those who seem to live in a fantasy world, where all sorts of weird and wonderful things and thoughts actually do happen.

You then doubled your transgression by warning @cherish123 to be careful as she too may get her head bitten off, which of course shouldn't happen because cherish123 had quite sensibly added
"... but it's always better to get these things checked out"!

This exactly. Nobody can possibly have an experience they haven't already had themselves (and are therefore experts on). It's awful.

Why does your husband hate the idea of you having your own car, OP? I think this is a big red flag.

Of course you are right about your DS’ GP appointment.

Listen to your doctor not your husband.

I turned up at the doctors because a gland in my neck has swollen up to the size of a tennis ball. He said he thought it was a blockage but got me an emergency referral to an ENT specialist. Sure enough, it went down the day before the appointment but as my GP said, better safe than sorry.