To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

I think it isn't great that you took the birthday money, it isn't yours to take as it's a gift given by others (unless the birthday money is from you in which case fair enough). I would however make him do chores around the house for pocket money to the monetary value of the lamp, whatever that is as an estimate and then take that off him to replace the lamp. An accident is accident but he was told to stop and his decision to ignore what you said caused the accident so there needs to be a consequence, even accidents have consequences. You break something that belongs to someone else, even accidently, you replace it.

Maybe the amount you took was quite high but I agree a consequence was needed.
They had been warned not to continue messing around but still did it, and something got broken as a consequence. If this was something of theirs that you knocked over then no doubt there would be outrage if you said you weren't going to replace it and it was only an accident.

Edited for spelling

Ah no, I would not take from his birthday money. But I would make him do chores to earn money to buy a replacement. This is because a new lamp would be required and you had asked him to stop before the accident and he didn’t listen. I wouldn’t bring his birthday into it.

I wouldn't take birthday money as that's a bit unfair- people could have given him gifts instead and you wouldn't have taken those.
you could maybe get him to do some extra chores to "pay" towards a new lamp

YABVU. Please give him his money back. As others have said, I would be horrified if I had gifted him money and you had taken my gift from him for this accident. Disgraceful on your part.

I would be upset but I’m not sure taking birthday money is the right consequence, that’s his gift.

Id have thought of a separate consequence I think.

As he doesn’t have form for breaking stuff through messing about I think I’d have just told him off , I think it’s a bit mean taking his birthday money .

As he’s not got form I’d keep the money for a week and then give him it back but tell him that actions have consequences and things cost a lot of money / mean a lot because they are sentimental and next time you tell him to behave and he continues to mess around you WILL be taking AND keeping the money to pay for a new lamp or whatever. This is his warming best take it as next time he loses the money.

I really don't understand why so many replies are 'accidents happen'.

This isn't about a broken lamp it's about him disobeying a parental instruction and the resulting outcome.

Nearly everything is an accident, few kids are inherently bad. They need consequences to help refine their behaviour.

Ah, I can see why you done what you done, OP. Maybe trying to show him the literal cost of messing around and not listening.

What I would do now, is give him the money back and say sorry. Explain that you were angry and upset, but that you made a mistake in taking his money. I think it’s important that kids get an apology if an adult gets something wrong. But do get an apology from him, if he hasn’t already because that’s also important. Then arrange to take him out whenever suits you to spend his money, turn the whole thing into a positive.

I didn’t nip my son’s behaviour in the bud (19 now) and I’ve spent years and lots of tears replacing things he has broken. I think you’re completely in the right to take some money, I probably would just take £10-£20 though as a token gesture. He’s quite young but he should have listened and believe me they can get very disrespectful very quickly. The people that think it’s mean are entitled to their opinion but the same people that will be upset if a teenage boys graffiti’s / litters outside their house etc and will blame the parents.

I’d take it from him. Actions have consequences

Taking money off a child for an accident is really mean. Definately an overreaction.

I don't think you're unreasonable in wanting to impose a consequence. And you know your child best - for some your upset at what has happened will be enough to have an impact, some would be better losing screen time or treats, others only feel it with money.

Monetary consequence is what society has decided works best for adults, even though we know it doesn't.

I would say if you'd struggle to afford a new lamp then absolutely he should pay, but if not think about the consequence which means the behaviour will be less likely to reoccur.

I think it's pretty reasonable although maybe a bit steep. Actions have consequences.

It’s not really an accident if you’ve been asked, twice, to change the behaviour that led to it happening, is it?
to me, an accident would be if my child knocked my vase off the window sill whilst opening or closing a blind.
if she’d been dicking around throwing a balloon or something after I’d already asked her not to and it got knocked off then that’s not an accident - that’s a consequence of her not listening to me or using her head.

Give it back and say you’ve thought about it and decided you were being too harsh as it was sentimental and you were upset. He will appreciate it, and I’m sure you won’t feel like such a misery. It was an accident. He didn’t throws across the room in a tantrum.

That’s unfair.
Accidents happen.

Hes a 10 year old child and your a parent throwing a tantrum over a poxy lamp.
If you carry on like this op when hes old enough to leave he wont come back.
And some parents wonder why kids grow up and go NC my mother included.

I wouldn’t do it. Accidents do happen and assuming he’s not generally completely destructive I’d be telling him how upset I am etc but not taking birthday money.

YABVU (and mean).
Accidents are called accidents for a reason.

If he’s got form for breaking things, that’s different.

Op I lost my parents about 10 years apart in my early twenties and one very suddenly.
I have overwhelming sentimental items around which have been damaged or nearly and I have to say that's on me

Children's will be children and if I want to have precious un replaceable items around I have to accept that's on me and they may get damaged.

I think you should profusely apologise to your son, explain that you deeply loved granny and this lamp reminds you of her which is why you were so upset but no lamp is more precious than he is and your sorry..

That is theft- totally unacceptable.

I think that's utterly cruel.