To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

You were mean imo. It’s his home as much as yours, these things happen and it sounds as if it was a once off. If I were you, I’d apologise and give him his money back.

When I was a teenager, I was mucking around and broke a cup which had belonged to my DF’s late DM. I remember it like yesterday because my DM was so upset. It was irreplaceable so no amount of money could have been taken from me. The look of disappointment, from my DM, was enough. I was never so inconsiderate again.

It's only a lamp. He's 10 years old. He should have been more careful especially as you told him to cool down, but he's still learning.

I think that he's learned a lesson & I'd let it go.

I'm sure that he's beating himself up for it.

What do you mean by mucking around? Accidentally caught it or purposely knocked it?

You took money given to him for his birthday. I would be really cross if I had given him money as a gift and you had taken it.

Yes he should have stopped when asked but he’s a child. If it was that sentimental it shouldn’t have been somewhere where it could be broken.

You could have made him work for it by doing jobs rather than taken his present.

Agree. You wouldn’t (unless spiteful) permanently take away a birthday or Christmas present as a punishment. That is what pocket money is for.

I am with your DH - thats harsh, taking a kids birthday money. I would be really pissed off if I had given him money for his birthday and you took my gift away because he was doing what kids do!

I think I would have spoken to him about it and said that if it happens again he would need to contribute perhaps not with money, but doing a specific chore or something.

Ah I couldn’t, especially not from birthday money, that’s so harsh. I understand you being upset that he didn’t listen, but ultimately it was an accident. I’d think up a less harsh consequence personally.

Is he sad because he broke the lamp or sad because it cost him some money?

Sometimes you need to be a bit harsh i saw my friends child nearly get hit by a car because it was more important to them to mouth of at their mother they were more than shocked when I grabbed them out the road apparently "hurting" them (there was no mark) they "told there dad on me too 😂) I assured his dad next time I would happily let him be hit by a car needless to say he got punished by dad whined at nan and she punished him too pretty sure he learned the lesson to not fuck about in the road...eventually

My son had been told several times not to jump on the footstall but for some reason he turned it over and jumped on the hardboard bit and it snapped completely in half. No he didn’t mean to break it but he had been told firmly not to do it. I was very cross. He was told no tv that night as punishment. When I went to bed that night there was a letter in an envelope on my bed. He’d written, dear mummy and daddy, I am very sorry I broke the footstall. Here is £5 from my pocket money. Please use it to mend the footstall. I didn’t actually take the £5 but we had a long chat about it. I’ve kept that letter. It’s now a sweet memory and my grandson thought it was hilarious

I wouldn’t take anything and £30 is far too much. I get your frustrations my DC have broken things after I have told them to stop and it didn’t cross my mind to take money from them. But I did let them know that I was upset.

I’d be very cross but I wouldn’t take a ten year old’s money

My heart has just slightly broken for teenage you. I’m so sorry you experienced that.

A few broken household items is an occupational hazard of being a parent. I know I was occasionally a bit harsh with my DS when he damaged things and I regret it so much now. They’re only young once.

Wow, that’s harsh.

Birthdays and Christmas are too precious to be linked to a punishment.

This entirely. It was an accident and he is ten

Wow, it was your son's birthday money and not yours to take. You should give it him back and apologise for taking it.

It’s not really an accident if you’ve been asked, twice, to change the behaviour that led to it happening, is it?

Agree. An accident is something that couldn't have been foreseen or prevented. This was foreseeable and could have been prevented if he'd packed it in when told.

What I would do now, is give him the money back and say sorry.

Has he said sorry? So many posts say that parents should apologise to their children, so children think the behaviour leading up to the punishment was no big deal after all.

He is ten. He is old enough not to mess about indoors. As he gets bigger, the consequences/damage caused will just become greater.

Over 50 years ago, when a teenager, I was larking about and accidentally broke a transistor radio. My mother gave me the broken radio for my birthday as a punishment and I have never forgiven her for that act of spitefulness, even though she's long dead!

Bloody hell. That poor child. Children mess around and it was an old lamp that wasn't worth anything.

My mother used to go absolutely crazy over crap like this. I began to get the impression she cared more about stuff than me.

Give him his money back.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Of course accidents happen (I'm dyspraxic - I have more than my fair share of them!) but if you've been warned twice, it's not a bloody accident.

I'd be pissed off too.

Nope. Think you're being out of order taking 40% of his birthday money.

No I woukdn’t have done it. My ceiling lights are missing bits thanks to some indoor football 🙄 I wouldn’t have taken birthday money away, that’s special money, not like pocket money. Does he get pocket money?

I did something similar as a kid and my dad took it out my birthday money. I’m still traumatised by it and gleefully await putting him in a home!!

Nah not really, I was a bit miffed because I couldn’t get the toy I wanted, but I never played bouncy balls in the living room again.

Hes a child. Stuff happens. You make mistakes and hopefully home is a safe enough place to make them and know you'll be forgiven. Taken bday money feels like you'll only be forgiven at a steep price.

You are being mean, in my opinion.