To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

If the lamp is sentimental then the money is irrelevant, which means you’re being awful.

Natural consequences. I’m also a big fan of the “punishment” being the natural consequence of your actions. There is a cost implication of replacing a lamp. Whether £30 is too much is a different debate, but money should be a thing a ten year old is least attached to. She hasn’t binned one of his birthday presents or his favourite toy. And it’s not like the kid has any other form of income.

Did the lamp even cost $30! Accidents happen; give him back his money and say sorry.

I was raised in a way that my parents, especially dad, got unreasonable angry if anybody broke something, even by accident.
This is so ingrained in my brain that now I am getting unreasonable angry when stuff breaks and I hate it and try my best to change it.
Please, it is just stuff, accidents happen. Apologise to your child. Honestly, unless he deliberately wrecks your stuff, let it go...it is just stuff even though it it sentimental, the sentiment is in your heart

Agree to some extent, but I think the lesson might be better if the punishment had been extended, ie. several weeks pocket money docked rather than all in one go.

Can he be helpful around the house to earn the £30 back?

If he saw you were upset, apologised, isn’t that enough?

I did something similar when I was a bit younger than your son. My mother specifically told me not to throw my teddy around in the living room. I would break something. I didn’t believe her and I broke a vase (one of a pair) that had belonged to her father and that at the time we believed to be very valuable. I still remember a) the awful guilt b) her anger and distress. She didn’t apply any additional punishment - she didn’t need to. And I did learn a lesson though I can’t say that I never disobeyed her again. I think actually applying a consequence is OK (but especially at age 10 a better way is to discuss with him what is the best way he can make it up to you rather than taking his money). You actually don’t want him to come away from all this feeling he’s been unfairly punished. You want him to understand and acknowledge that because he ignored you he’s ended up breaking something that mattered a lot to you and to think about what he could do to remedy this.

But why his birthday money? That just seems vindictive. Birthday money is non touchable imo.

I disagree, if you continue to muck about particularly after being told to not to, it’s no longer an accident - it’s a foreseeable consequence.

It’s my bugbear when people do things that are bound to end in an “accident” and then expect to be immediately forgiven because they didn’t mean it, so OP is right to teach her child that if he chooses to act recklessly after being warned then he has to suffer the consequences of that decision.

I would explain the sentiment value more and encourage him to offer to help with replacement. But yes you need to make him take some responsibility for it.

I would hope he would wrote a sorry note and offer some of his money, but only if your child isn't ND. Xxx

I think you did the right thing! Kids should learn that actions have consequences. There is too much mollycoddling of kids these days and ridiculous “gentle “ parenting. The only way they learn is with tough love. You told him to stop, he did not listen, therefore he needs to know what happens when you FAFO.

Jeez what an horrendous thing to do to a child of that age. You can't ever replace that lamp, a grounding would have sufficed.

I agree with this here. Especially if this is a one off accident. If there is a history of him being careless and breaking things, I’d understand taking a harder line but this would still need to reflect age. I have a child that breaks things constantly but is a teenager. We have an understanding that I will pay for the first couple of breakages or minor items, but they pay for other things.

I think children do need to learn consequences but I think here (assuming a one off) as he is only 10, I would’ve chastised and punished in other way but warned him that in future he would be made to pay for broken items. If this was a teenager, I think paying towards it would have been reasonable due to the age/maturity difference.

Omg 🤣 theft!!! How ridiculous.
I may be in the minority but I’m with OP on this. I did same when my daughter was young and it didn’t do her any harm. She learned that actions have consequences and has grown up to be a thoughtful & considerate young woman.

@Articlesta I think your punishment was fair. It's about time parents started setting boundaries. It wasn't an accident, you had told him twice to pack it in. People not showing children that actions have consequences leads to entitled teens/adults! "Oh I can do what I want, I just have to say an insincere sorry and carry on"!
A lot of things have sentimental or monetary value, why should children get away with being destructive with no consequence?
Had it been an actual accident, then yes, that would have been harsh, but in my opinion, it wasn't.

And @gmgnts I think your mother was right! Good for her! Shame you didn't learn anything from it but than to hold a grudge for all these years!

I agree!

DS continually kicks his football in the house. He's been told that this could break something and that he will have to pay to replace it.

he’s a ten year old. as frustrating as it is, these things unfortunately do happen. as a child i was fined money for various infractions and it did nothing but strain the relationship between me and my parents. i got so nervous about messing up that i actually ended up making more mistakes because i was always so stressed and on edge, fearing the next time i would get in trouble. i was never trying to misbehave deliberately and it doesn’t sound as if your son was either.

thirty quid won’t fix your lamp, but it will damage the relationship you have with your son. perhaps get him to do some chores instead, or sit down with him and explain just how much you upset him and why you reacted in the way you did. he’s more likely to sympathise and understand you that way, and that is so, so crucial. kids always need a ‘why’.

punishments like fines and so on are also more likely to cause further misbehaviour down the line because there will be that undercurrent of resentment there. speaking from experience, your son won’t understand why you’re reacting so harshly and he’ll simply think you’re being unreasonable. just explain why you’re so hurt (and be calm about it) and figure out (with your son) how he might try and make things right.

No, I wouldn't have punished him in this situation, and I definitely wouldn't have taken his birthday money.

I would have had an honest conversation with him about how frustrating it was that he had carried on messing around when I had asked him to stop, how sad I was that my grandmother's lamp had been broken and couldn't be replaced, and what he might do differently next time.

It's a lamp! It's not like he hurt someone. Those calling for him to be punished should get a bit of proportion. Stuff doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Always prioritise the relationship.

It’s not really an accident when he was messing around and had been told to stop. I’d probably have taken £20 max, but I think you’re right to teach him that there are consequences to actions. Everyone saying it was an accident, this doesn’t sound like an accident to me, and mum had already warned him to stop. If his behaviour is on the decline as you mention then probably right to start being stricter before the teen years set in. You could always return the birthday money and get him doing chores to pay for a new lamp.

That’s harsh and theft. It’s his money not yours. You could reduce his pocket money or get him doing extra chores. But no you shouldn’t steal from him. You need to apologise, return it and rethink the approach.

He needs consequences. I wouldn’t take money. I would make him to give up something he really cares about.
(I wouldn’t get rid of it) but hide it for a week or so. So that he gets the message.

He disregarded his mom twice, that is not an accident. The cost reflects fair value to replace the lamp. This seems reasonable to me. My son is younger and doesn't listen sometimes but that can be very dangerous, ie running into the road as one example. Listening to your parents is important.