To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

No it wasn't. It was an entirely foreseeable and avoidable consequence. There is a middle ground between deliberately smashing something and a genuinely unavoidable accident and this was in it. 10 is definitely old enough to appreciate this having been told twice. A quiet talking too will make zero difference to a kid who didn't listen to two instances of instruction. Consequences need to actually have a demonstrable impact. If he has to sacrifice a purchase he'd have made maybe then he will actually think

I agree that there should be consequences because he was told to stop. I wouldn’t take money off him that was gifted. Surely chores up to a certain value that you deem sufficient would be better. I don’t think essentially taking presents off him is a good idea.

I’d do the same if he was warned, OP, and especially since it’s a sentimental item.
If it had been genuinely accidentally broken, and not because he was repeatedly dicking about after warnings, that would be a different matter.

If it was me I would give the money back .It seems mean to take it from him.

I think this is such an over reaction. He's 10! And it was an accident.

Jesus Christ

I didnt say no sanctions. I said no to touching his money, which was a gift. I think there are other ways to let him know he failed badly here.

But his birthday money and pocket money all just lump together into his money surely? He's not not getting pocket money for X months as a result of his birthday money is he. And it's no more theft than any instance of taking money from someone for something they owe. He's 10, not 3. He'd been told twice to stop throwing things about. Why shouldn't he have some real consequences? I teach teens; so many of them and their parents are utterly incredulous when sanctions are imposed..judging from this thread I can see why.

I wouldn’t have taken birthday money but I would absolutely give him extra chores to ‘pay’ for his behaviour. At the end of the day, he was messing about, you told him twice to pack it in, he didn’t listen and then went on to break your lamp. He needs to learn that actions have consequences.
Hopefully he’ll listen to you in future.

Have you already taken it? Am unsure what lesson you’ll be giving them if you now return it? I can’t think what I would say to them in that situation. It was a pretty poor knee jerk reaction to an accident but we all do silly things in the moment.

I wouldn't want my child growing up thinking that you can never make a mistake of any kind.

Continuing to do something you have been told twice not to do isn't 'a mistake'.

No I wouldn't have done this. It was an accident and I don't think it's a good idea to punish for it. I wouldn't want my child growing up thinking that you can never make a mistake of any kind. Learn from it, yes but with an age appropriate discussion
, not a punishment.

He's 10 not 18

Maybe £30 was a bit steep – I didn’t really work it out as a percentage, just looked at the price of a similar lamp and thought he should chip in.

If it's a sentimental lamp from your nan, then it is not replaceable.

The poor kid.

Bad parenting

YANBU. things cost money and need to be replaced. he is 10, not 2

No I would not take his birthday money.

I would give him chores instead. Whilst doing something ‘boring’ like weeding it gives them time to reflect.

Now that IS really mean, I presume you were taking reasonable care and not dropping heavy pans in on top of crystal glasses or something.

There's nothing alarming about it!

its not a punishment if it doesn't impact them. He broke something special to the OP because he didn't do as he was told. Actions have consequences & at 10 ne needs to know that!

That's really sad.

I remember breaking something at around that age as well. It was an accident but it was the result of me doing something that I knew I shouldn't have been doing. I remember feeling mortified to have to tell my mum what I had done, and I tried to hide it initially. I eventually confessed when I realised that there was no way of pretending that it hadn't happened.

My lovely mum couldn't have been kinder or more understanding. There were no punishments. She didn't even say a single cross word, she simply told me that accidents happen, that we all do things every now and again that we probably shouldn't, and that I didn't need to worry about it. She died a few months ago and I cherish the memory.

Her kindness and forgiveness didn't turn me into a delinquent or make me more reckless. If anything, it taught me that relationships matter more than things, and that there can be tremendous power in a kind word or gesture.

Brilliant reply! This is why I love Mumsnet!

Please dont do this thats really mean!

If you really must then at least make it a nominal amount like a fiver!

It sounds like youre trying to deliberateky hurt him for breaking the lamp and its a little alarming I have to say

Get an absolute grip you doughnut
If you're going to impose inappropriate legal definitions then him breaking the lamp is criminal damage. And he's 10 so over the age of responsibility. Clap him in irons!

No but it happened because he.didn't do what he was told. He ws told to stop throwing things around.messing about. If he'd done as he was told it wouldn't have got broken.

@Articlesta I probably wouldn't have rajen his Birthday money because for me tgat fiesnt address the either issue really. 1. Not listening/doing as he's told or 2. The value if the lamp being sentimental.

id have told him how upset it made me. Tgen
id gave told him to find someone to repair it & told him he was saying (while explaining I was still upset because it was nans & he's broken it!!)

o

I broke something when I was 10. It happened whilst washing up so purely accidental. My Mum used my birthday money to replace it. I was very upset and thought she was mean, horrible and unkind. The meaness upset me even more than losing the money. She’s dead now and I still remember it clearly and never forgave her.

No pocket money? Imo birthday money is a big deal. Poor little kid.

My nephew broke my car stereo once. I was horrified. It was way too much money for a kid. It was an accident. I sorted it. I'm not going to charge a kid!!