To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

That HE broke out of carelessness? I wouldn't be upset. I'd be glad he was being taught responsibility. There's such hyperbole on this thread it's ridiculous. It's not theft, anymore than it would be if I had to pay to replace something I'd accidentally broken. There's a difference between responsibility and blame. If you misjudge a maneuver and hit someone's car, noone is suggesting you did it on purpose but you still have to pay for it. Ten is not too young to learn this lesson.

If this is the punishment for a 10 year old, you’re going to get a shock when he turns 13/14 ( and run out of punishments)

I’d be so annoyed if I have a child money for his birthday and learned that his mum had taken it to put towards her new lamp.

You made your son watch you cry more than once because he had caused physical damage to his room and are lamenting that your emotionally abusive behaviour didn’t make him feel guilty enough. Wow. You’re apparently an adult and parent. No wonder you say he doesn’t respect you. And it’s definitely not because you weren’t harsh enough with him.

Some parents run such a strict ship, with punishments gleefully doled out for every transgression - if the kids even dare. My mother was like that and I was frankly scared of her. I moved to the other side of the country to get away from her. She once took something away from me which I still can't believe she thought was an appropriate thing to do. I have never forgotten it. She crushed my spirit and made me so very, very wary of her. People in positions of power ie parents should wield their power carefully.

I don't get a load of the responses here. Seems like a good life lesson to me, if you break something that belongs to someone else, you replace it. Even if its an accident! A 10 year old is perfectly old enough to start learning that.

I'd be more sympathetic if it was a freak accident but not for messing around after being told to stop.

And yet I have a teenager who respects her surroundings because I taught her to without stealing her money.

@ithinkilikethislittlelife yeah great, good for you. Maybe there's more than one right way??
My kids love me too and aren't perfect and drive me up the wall but they know damn well that there will be a consequence if they get something badly wrong when they've been warned / told / advised repeatedly not to do it. Ideally as close to a natural consequence as possible, rather than a random unrelated screen ban or whatever. We could quibble over the details all day but the issue I have are the posters who seem to be saying that nothing should happen apart from a little chat. A consequence is NOT holding a grudge...what a weird logic jump.

Is it a pattern? Was it a last straw? If not I agree very harsh

I’m glad you’re not my mum.

Told twice. Wow. She should have taken all the birthday money and burnt it in front of him. That would teach him!! He will never break a Nan lamp again. Child rearing sorted.
That must be where I’ve gone wrong with my 3 children who are respectful and never in trouble at school and with solid friendship groups. I’ve told them not to do something a zillion times sometimes and they’ve barely listened (whisper… because they’re kids) but that must be why they still want me and their dad to tuck them in at night, chatter about their day, show us their school work, tell us they love us with no prompt, share family jokes and make us laugh. Our family motto is We don’t hold grudges in this family. Damn, we’ve had it wrong all these years 😝

Its not just about breaking things. It's everyone's insistence that this was an accident, he didn't mean to. No, he didn't pick up the lamp at smash it but he was told TWICE to stop doing whatever it was he was doing because it was likely going to cause damage so the fact that something got broken was down to his basic not giving a shit attitude.

I can see an argument for a slightly different amount or stipulating it comes from pocket money instead but those posters saying it's mean, poor kid, he was crying, he's only ten..if that really is the prevailing attitude now then yes I can correlate that with how kids and parents react to a school imposed sanction.

I agree with this
He was told to stop
He didn't stop
It wasn't just an accident, he was defiant.
Nip it in the bud. Get him to wash the car or take the bins out or something but not his birthday money

@RhaenysRocks
see… now you’ve made a sweeping judgement about softer parents and the way they react to a school issue. Should any of my kids break anything in school I would come down hard but confiscating birthday money is in another realm. It’s money that’s been earned by others and given in good faith. If the child had only had presents would it have been ok to have taken one and broken it? Break mine I break yours?? Nah. My children know not to break things but accidents happen. It doesn’t work sadly that I say something once and they immediately listen and cease a behaviour. He is a ten year old child. He was crying fgs. That’s enough of a punishment surely.

That’s so cruel, poor kid

He was defiant, and continued even though he was warned. So he cried- he learnt a lesson! Actions have consequences and he learnt the hard way. £10 would have been enough, though.

Wow. Mum imposes a decent consequence that he might actually learn from (to respect other people's possessions and do as he is bloody told) and she doesn't deserve respect. Ok. I reiterate my earlier comment that this thread explains a lot about the reactions of kids in schools when faced with consequences.

@HonoriaBulstrode
i did say i was joking. Blimey. I’m married to the most respectful man alive but I would expect him to have a word if I was twattish enough to take birthday money off my 10 year old son because he broke a lamp.

This. 💯👍

I think it's refreshing for a parent to be teaching their child a consequence. He should certainly learn to respect property in future. I'm definitely too soft with my kids and they are walking all over me. 😂

She doesn’t deserve respect. It has to be earned.

If I was your husband I’d give him £40 and say your mothers a mean fucker and that’s why I’m divorcing her 😝
Obviously I’m joking

Joking about a man encouraging his son to disrespect a woman?

That thought occurred to me too. I’d have done the same. There’s no way I’d have let my bloke get away with this - fortunately it would never occur to him.

If I was your husband I’d give him £40 and say your mothers a mean fucker and that’s why I’m divorcing her 😝
Obviously I’m joking but damn, taking his birthday money because a ten year old acted like a ten year old? Kids will be kids and all that. Yes it’s annoying a sentimental item was broken but shit happens. Bloody hate to live in your house!!

Nope

Only if he did on purpose