To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

Oh give over with the "stealing"! It's not theft, he needs to know when he's been told not to do something, then carries on and damages property, there's a price to pay! He is old enough to know better. Doesn't matter if you consider it just a lamp, it obviously had sentimental value to the op and is irreplaceable.
But hey, let's just let kids get away with whatever they like! It's not like the country isn't already overrun with badly parented children is it?! 🙄

You can teach a child boundaries without stealing their birthday money.

Yep. Totally agree.
All this shying away from teaching children boundaries, is going to come back and bite everyone on the bum. These children are our future.

The fact that so many people are writing this off as ‘kids being kids’ really goes a long way to explaining why so many towns have such a problem with teenagers running wild and being inconsiderate little thugs.

he was told to stop, twice. He didn’t listen. He broke someone else’s property. There’s a consequence to that.

YABU OP

Give him his money back, admit you over reacted, because you very much did. Imagine making a kid cry on his birthday over a lamp. Jesus.

The difference is that other people have given him that money for his birthday. It’s once a year money, given to him with the expectation that he’d benefit from it.

I'm not wedded to the rightness if the exact amount, maybe £10 would have been fine but I'm really disappointed by the number of posters which think nothing should have happened except a little chat cos "kids are kids". He was told twice to stop and didn't. Had he not just had a birthday presumably it would have been his pocket money..I don't really see the difference. My kids add together any birthday money to their existing funds, it's not held separately.

But proportionately it's very different. It constitutes a much bigger % of disposable income for a 10 year old to replace a lamp than for most adults.

Spending birthday money is such a huge joy at 10. You can't repeat that 10th birthday and the gifts of money.

@Sundaybananas sorry, I'm not following. Not everything is different for child of ten and an adult....ten is old enough (even in law) to be held responsible for your actions, so the same. However, If an adult broke or damaged something carelessly, most of us would feel a sense of obligation to make good wheras a ten year old may not yet, so different, so that needs to be imposed by a responsible parent so they can learn to grow up into an adult who does willingly make recompense without being taken to small claims court.

Of course it should be different for adults and children, and yet you are conflating them. In your own analogy you say It's not theft, anymore than it would be if I had to pay to replace something I'd accidentally broken.

Well hopefully the lad, whilst sad, reluctantly appreciates why he needs to contribute to a replacement. In the same way I would reluctantly hand over funds if I dinged someone's car. Again, are we saying a ten year old can't have their x box confiscated for poor behaviour? Because it's theirs it would stealing?

I don’t know what else it could be seen as. It’s certainly not a gift.

What makes you think her Gran would see it as stealing?

What would your Gran think of you stealing the money?

Saying sorry is a meaningless formula unless it is backed up with some sort of restorative action. Just saying the words costs nothing and does nothing if it is not meant.

It was basically an accident. Him seeing you so upset should have been enough of a consequence, he should say sorry, end of. I wouldn’t dream of taking the birthday money, it’s completely separate.

Primary schools are chaotic. 😄

Children arent known for their ability to do what they're told

He is ten. At what age do you think children should be capable of doing what they're told?

Prmary schools must be chaotic if children can't be expected to do as they're told.

Is this still going on. My mother used to go absolutely crazy over nick nacks and stuff

She had screamed blue murder as if killed somebody if we spilt something on the carpet or the table. You know what kids spill things, kids break things.

You are applying adult standards of logic to a child who is 10. You told a 10 year old to stop doing it and he kept on doing it. Of course he did he's a child. Children arent known for their ability to do what they're told and think things through.

10 years ago I was still a solicitor. I was a fully functioning adult. I had been on the planet for a very long time. 10 years ago, this child had just been born. He's SO young. Stop applying adult logic to him.

A lot of the things I remember from childhood and my mum, going absolutely crazy about things that didn't matter in this way.

Its a cheap old lamp. Give him his money back and tell him you're sorry.

He is a child, so different rules apply. Or are we also now going to say it's theft if a parent confiscates a phone, X box etc following bad behaviour? These are v often presents so technically "theirs". Maybe that really is the root of the issue with discipline now. We've gone too far from the "old fashioned" approach and have forgotten that children are not just small adults with equal powers of reasoning ..they need us to do it for them and sometimes make the hard and right decisions for them. Not always, as ever there's nuance and balance..in the example above of the radio aerial, had that poster been repeatedly told to stop? Thats a huge factor in this for me. He was told, he ignored it, shit happened, he needs to make good.

I agree, I'm a primary school teacher and sometimes when we dare to implement a child with a consequence we have their parent at the door complaining about it (or they just goes straight to the head). The child gets let off and continues to reoffend. 🙈 I remember one child in a different class had a toy dinosaur keyring. The teacher had told the child to put it in his lunchbox (no toys allowed in school). She told him a couple of times then issued a warning that if she saw it again she would confiscate it until the next day (this child was known for being challenging at times). Well of course he couldn't resist playing with it again so she took it off him. He complained to his mum at pick up and the teacher explained what has happened. The parent then went straight to complain to the head teacher. Head teacher said that as it was their property and the mum had demanded it back then they had to give it back to him. Child went home with their toy and a smirk. The child continued to be for want of a better term, a nightmare for the rest of the year. 🙈

What are you even talking about? It’s perfectly normal to be upset in front of your child. It’s also completely abnormal to have no sympathy for said parent. You won’t convince me that I haven’t been an excellent mother so take your vitriol and stick it up your arse.

If you broke something out of carelessness and had to replace it you would enter into discussion with the other party and come to an agreement about payment. That wouldn’t be theft.

If they broke into your house or hacked your bank account to take the money from you without your agreement it would be theft.

I remember messing about and breaking the aerial of my mums new radio and thinking she’d go mad. She was really calm about it and told me these things happen and to be more careful in future. She was all quiet and sad and I felt TERRIBLE. I honestly think it was so much more effective than telling me off etc.