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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wife work - no thanks

159 replies

whistlesandbells · 14/07/2025 18:50

Quiet small victories of showing up for yourself in a relationship. DH ‘suggested’ that he goes out to the cinema with his 17 year old son 2 days after his mother arrives from overseas for a two week visit. I said absolutely not: your mother, you invited, you entertain. I really like my MIL btw.

The following week I am traveling with our shared 2-year old alone and he has that week to do all this undisturbed and no house guest.
There is no way I would invite my mother to visit then go out and leave him to it. 🤯 The expectations on women are wild.

OP posts:
ExercicenformedeZ · 14/07/2025 20:26

MightyDandelionEsq · 14/07/2025 20:11

I don’t see how this is a big feminist win or woman’s work?

I’d sit and have a few hours with my MIL so my husband could go out with our child for a few hours. I don’t really understand this?

Not 'our' child. His child, the OP's stepson. You honestly don't see why the OP would have a problem with what he proposed?

LucyMonth · 14/07/2025 20:26

The zombie apocalypse film is less than 2 hours long. You’d barely be done getting your little one to bed and they’d be home again.

Do you really feel the need to “entertain” your 85 year old MIL at 8/8.30pm after putting your kid to bed? You’re family. Surely your sat in front of the TV having a cup of tea or something. Is your DH not going to leave you alone with your MiL at all for 2 weeks?

& people saying the reverse would never happen…it absolutely does. I go out and leave me DH with my Mum all the time! We’re family! It really doesn’t have to be a “wife work feminist statement” if you manage a pleasant family dynamic where spending time with the family you married into is seen as a chore to endure.

AgnesX · 14/07/2025 20:25

Lifeisinteresting · 14/07/2025 18:52

@whistlesandbells i don’t think your husband going to the cinema with his son should be an issue at any time of year. I think your expectations here are unrealistic.

Eh no. It's his visitor so he entertains. He can take his mum with him!

ExercicenformedeZ · 14/07/2025 20:25

Good for you, OP. Ignore the naysayers. They are the same people who make utter martyrs of themselves and then complain that 'all men are shit'.

Original poster
whistlesandbells · 14/07/2025 20:14

StMarie4me · 14/07/2025 20:10

YABU referring to it as Wife Work. YABU in your approach to your family and extended family. YABu in trying to weaponise his suggestion for time with his son.

Just say no.

I did say no. They are now going the following week at a time that suits all, not only them.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/07/2025 20:13

Is he bored already, yanbu.

Henopause · 14/07/2025 20:13

TomatoSandwiches · 14/07/2025 19:09

Good for you op, I can't imagine a woman inviting her own mother to stay and then fucking off on a jolly cinema trip with their teenager and leaving her husband to entertain! What a git.

Exactly! MN would be up in arms if you suggested this.

OP YANBU at all.

Brefugee · 14/07/2025 20:11

Lifeisinteresting · 14/07/2025 18:52

@whistlesandbells i don’t think your husband going to the cinema with his son should be an issue at any time of year. I think your expectations here are unrealistic.

bollocks.

His mother is arriving - he stays at home and entertains her all the time.

Anything else is rude to his mother and to his wife.

MightyDandelionEsq · 14/07/2025 20:11

I don’t see how this is a big feminist win or woman’s work?

I’d sit and have a few hours with my MIL so my husband could go out with our child for a few hours. I don’t really understand this?

IReallyLoveItHere · 14/07/2025 20:10

YANBU, very poor form for the host to disappear so soon after arrival.

StMarie4me · 14/07/2025 20:10

YABU referring to it as Wife Work. YABU in your approach to your family and extended family. YABu in trying to weaponise his suggestion for time with his son.

Just say no.

Original poster
whistlesandbells · 14/07/2025 20:09

Soulfulunfurling · 14/07/2025 20:02

Do you not normally speak up op? You seem really pleased you did this, but would be second nature to me, I would not expect or accept this, no. His poor mother that is so shoddy on day two. I’d definitely think less of him. He can go to the cinema at any time.

I am pretty chilled in general. We both can be. If one of us wants to go out then that is fine. But I don’t think, in this example, it is okay. It doesn’t sit right with me to go out on day 2 of a visit like this. I would not do it and don’t expect a partner to do it. I’m glad I spoke out.

OP posts:
Doorwayss · 14/07/2025 20:08

Well done OP.
Yanbu.
A rude cheeky fxxker suggestion by him.
Keep your wits about you with him!

tilypu · 14/07/2025 20:04

Whatdoidotoday · 14/07/2025 19:45

At 7pm what on earth does the Mil need? You go see to your child and let her get on with it?? Or she can just go to bed.
yabvu, it’s hardly a full day that they want to go to a movie

Sorry, my post was supposed to quote this one. Not sure why it disappeared off the post!

tilypu · 14/07/2025 20:04

I feel like that would be a fair comment if she had been there for a week already - but she will literally just have arrived two days earlier.

Soulfulunfurling · 14/07/2025 20:02

Do you not normally speak up op? You seem really pleased you did this, but would be second nature to me, I would not expect or accept this, no. His poor mother that is so shoddy on day two. I’d definitely think less of him. He can go to the cinema at any time.

Original poster
whistlesandbells · 14/07/2025 19:58

CutFlowers · 14/07/2025 19:51

Why doesn't he take Grany to the cinema too? I'd have thought she might like to see her grandson.

This is an option he has not considered. I don’t know if grandma will like a zombie apocalypse film tbh. But it does mean that both her son and grandson think it is okay to go out on day 2 of her visit. I’m not down with this. As I say, the film is on for weeks and they can go anytime the following week (day or night) as I am traveling with the 2 yr old.

OP posts:
CutFlowers · 14/07/2025 19:51

Why doesn't he take Grany to the cinema too? I'd have thought she might like to see her grandson.

Original poster
whistlesandbells · 14/07/2025 19:51

Whatdoidotoday · 14/07/2025 19:45

At 7pm what on earth does the Mil need? You go see to your child and let her get on with it?? Or she can just go to bed.
yabvu, it’s hardly a full day that they want to go to a movie

Fair enough. I see your point but I have already given up my bedroom for MIL to sleep in and we are sleeping on an air mattress in a kids room for two weeks. I don’t mind this at all, but I don’t see why I should potentially have to put my child to bed, then entertain (she won’t go to bed at 7pm) and then sleep on an air mattress. Meanwhile the person who invited their guest is out. Perhaps I am wrong but I wouldn’t do this to DH.

OP posts:
Givenupshopping · 14/07/2025 19:45

Good for you OP! Too many women just accept this sort of treatment, and it's really not on in my book! If a man wants his relations to visit, then he's the one who should entertain them, drive them around, etc., if required. Not expect his wife or partner to do it for him.

Whatdoidotoday · 14/07/2025 19:45

At 7pm what on earth does the Mil need? You go see to your child and let her get on with it?? Or she can just go to bed.
yabvu, it’s hardly a full day that they want to go to a movie

TwerkAndJerk · 14/07/2025 19:37

Well done, I am right with you on this (and I like my MIL and also really like my DH, who wouldn't ever presume to pass on this type of obligation to me). I'm glad he responded appropriately and adjusted his plans.

Agapornis · 14/07/2025 19:35

Good on you.

Original poster
whistlesandbells · 14/07/2025 19:10

In fairness, he took it well. I am just satisfied that I did speak up and did so in a non reactive way of “this doesn’t work for me.”
Sometimes it’s necessary to remind anyone to not take you for granted or assume.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 14/07/2025 19:09

Good for you op, I can't imagine a woman inviting her own mother to stay and then fucking off on a jolly cinema trip with their teenager and leaving her husband to entertain! What a git.

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