Wife work - no thanks

I find this really weird, it is family! You’d be shocked to hear my in laws have visited and both DH and I have gone to work and left them at our house. And my parents have visited and I have left the house with them and DH in it. We have both even visited our respective in laws with our kids without our spouse. Surely most people can spend some time with their MIL without their DH around ?

I’d hardly say he “doesn’t want to see his mother” because he’s going to take his son to the cinema for a couple of hours at one point during her 2 week long trip. Especially in the evening.

Who said anything about a mansion or another wing?

And no it really isn’t rude to leave such a close family member to enjoy the TV with a cup of tea while you do whatever you want or need to do of an evening. Your or his mother shouldn’t need constantly entertained and seeing to every waking hour for 2 weeks. It’s not at all rude…it’s family!

Did anyone actually ask you to give up your time? Has anyone said you need to put on a dog and pony show for your MIL for the two hours your husband won’t be there? Are you honestly not going to be alone in the house with your MIL at all for 2 weeks? If your DH is home are you just not going to chat with your MIL at all because your DH is there she’s “his guest”?

Do you not think “yeah sure, but remember I’ll have to get wee Jimmy ready for bed at that time and then I plan to do XYZ, but I’m sure your Mum will be happy with a cup of tea and the TV right?” is a more measured response to his request?

If you’ve created a situation where close family expect to be attended to constantly for the entirety of a 2 week visit then it sounds like you’ve actually completely fallen for wifely expectations. “There’s biscuits in the cupboard Brenda, I’m off to put Jimmy to bed and then do a bit of work” is perfectly fine and you only think it’s “rude” because you’ve fallen for the BS that we have the entertain and delight people constantly. Men don’t fall for that which is why your DH doesn’t see an issue with going out for 2 hours.

I dont see an issue with going to the cinema. But I don't understand people who feel house guests need 24-7 supervision and entertainment. She could surely have an evening reading, watching TV, going for a walk just relaxing and im sure doesn't need to be supervised by you or ur husband?

Nope, clearly the issue is that it’s HIS mother, HIS guest. 🙄

It's a couple of hours during a two week stay. An opportunity to have a cuppa and watch telly with an old lady you say you like. It doesn't seem that big an ask.

If it's his mum staying for a fortnight surely she doesn't need constant " entertaining" Nothing stopping the OP going out either

Some expectations are plain weird.

One of my ex's had a very difficult mum, determined to interfere, wanted to buy his pants and towels and crockery. Wanted a key to our house.
My dm by that time was a gossipy old lady who repeated her stories a lot.

I was careful not to inflict my dm on ex because I knew she could be a bit frustrating. I always took her calls, visited her alone, managed her needs.

One day we were watching the rugby Cup final with friends, phone rang, ex answered it, came back and said his mum wanted to speak to me. She just wanted to chat about his plans to build an extension. I said we're watching the cup final, Chris will ring you back later, bye. And hung up.

Not sure why I was expected to field his dm about his plans so he could enjoy the rugby. 🙄
I protected him from my dm. I expected him to show me the same consideration.

My friend continued to work after her husband retired. Her mother lived with them both. Her husband acted as his MIL's carer during the day ( and whenever his wife went out for the evening) . I know so many men ( my BIL for example) who visited my very elderly mother one afternoon a week for the last three years of her life because her regular carer was unavailable.
I am grateful for the sustained effort my husband made for my mother before she died. He mowed her lawn. mended stuff, did the garden and shared a cup of tea with her, on his own.
How some posters on here would disapprove. He never once complained of 'husband work' to me.

The expectations on women…

Jesus he just wanted to go to the cinema.
You are being very unreasonable. Is he not allowed to go anywhere or do anything without his mother doing her stay? Is he not allowed to ask you to do anything for her/with her etc

Brilliant! :D

👍👍

And that's how it's done.

The cinema can happen the next week as OP says and sounds like MIL is not capable of being left alone.

so you are saying it is the DHs right to take his DS to the cinema having invited his mother to stay and expect the OP to entertain her.

yeah. Stuff this misogynistic clap trap.

if MIL needs company and DH invited her then it’s up to him to manage his time between mother and son. Not wifey

It's his mother too. Why would she want to talk to OP when she's travelled to visit her son?

It’s not about entertaining MIL by OP.

Surely if you invite somebody the sole purpose is to spend time with them and not FO to cinema or elsewhere?
It’s hugely disrespectful to MIL- she comes to visit her son who decided that his mother is less important than cinema screening (which can be postponed).

Hi mum,nice to see you, here’s your DGC and DIL,I’m off,see you later!

Priorities and basic manners.

”D”H is being thoughtless or rude here

Oh I see it’s “his son”! Bet this wouldn’t be an issue if he was going to the cinema with YOUR son

Well, I suppose some of us are handmaidens who are willing to bend to mens' every whim and some of us aren't. Good on OP for making a stand as we all should whenever we are subjected to mens' thoughtless selfishness
Bailing on your elderly mother on day 2 of a two week visit is just not on.

Maybe he hoped that he'd come home to find that one had eaten the other 😅?

Why not suggest that his mother takes DSS to the cinema for some grandparent bonding time over zombie apocalypses? Your DH can put the 2yo to bed as you'll be away with them the week after, and you can go out and catch up with friends 😂.

Good for you! My father used to do this to my mother all the time, invite his mother then piss off to play golf or whatever. Mum and his mother hated each other so no idea why Dad thought this was a good idea. No way I’d stand for it.

You are not wrong so don't be led into thinking that OP. It's one thing if it's a film premiere that he can't miss because it's only on the one night, but if it's something he could've done any other time then I don't see why he MUST go when he initially suggested.

It's like a different world out there.

I don't even get on with my MIL particularly and this wouldn't bother me. If he went off for a couple of nights, that would be a no as it would be rude all round but a film in the evening? Not a problem.

I think there's genuine things to stand up for and I think there's looking for issues. For me, this is the latter.

Surely that makes it even more understandable since presumably her DH’s son lives with his mother?

& no spending an hour alone with your MIL at one point during her 2 week long visit to your home shouldn’t really be something anyone should have a huge problem with.

You think the Mil wants to go to bed at 7pm? 🤔😂