When you marry someone, are you also marrying into their family?

It depends. Feelings around potential inlaws should definitely be considered before the wedding.
If you can't stand them, then I wouldn't marry into them.

Hard disagree.

I feel really integrated into my husband's family. We see them regularly, share birthday celebrations, go on holiday together etc. They have really adopted me as one of the clan and I love and feel very loved by them.

Yes, I agree with this post.

Definitely didn’t marry DH’s family. 20 years in and I don’t have PIL’s phone numbers and all contact is through DH. They’re several hours away.

My family have always been away so I don’t think DH would say he has married into them either.

We’re very much 2 entities who chose to marry though. We don’t share a surname and are often apart. Marriage wasn’t about bringing two families together <shudders> but about our commitment to one another.

Surely it depends on the family. I see my boyfriends family more than I see my own. I would probably say I'd be marrying his family, but he wouldn't be marrying mine.

Depends I think. DH wasn’t in contact with his family other than his kids when we got married. He definitely feels he’s married into mine and is close with all my siblings.

We married into each other’s families. I sat with my MiL while she was dying and DH has always considered my family as his family. When DS married we worked very hard to build one family with the new in laws. In fact, they have become our closest friends. I was adamant that any GC should feel like we were one family and not two separate entities.

I have only been able to find politely tolerate DH’s family. we have absolutely nothing in common. However they are his family and I wouldn’t want to make life difficult for him.

I think you marry into the family. But I I also see weddings as two families coming together rather than a big expensive party.
In most cases and in cases where there is no estrangement/abuse etc they are the people who mattered most to your partner before you came along and they have shaped him into the person he is. They will always be important to him and iHe will always be their child whatever his age and if you have children they will be your children's grandparents

Problems in the family often mean problems as a couple, even when the partners prioritise each other and nuclear family and handle other family members and themselves perfectly, which most of us don’t!

Depends on how close your partner is to them! If they are a pop round three times a week person, then yes, way more important. If they are 400 miles away and only do weddings, funerals and maybe Christmas, probably doesn’t matter so much

The family is definitely something to take into account.

I'm one of a large family who are loyal to each other but don't live in each others pockets. I see each sibling once or twice a year. If there was a clash between partner and family member, it would impact a couple of days a year and be easy to navigate.

However if your future mil has a key to your shared house, turns up whenever she pleases, helps herself to your clothes & makeup, and reads your post, don't marry. Don't co-habit. Run for the hills.

Another thread today (about kettles 😊) reminded me how completely awful a spiteful mil can be.
It's more than 20 years since mine but still makes me feel sick.

This is a hard one, I think it depends on your partner.
My DP’s mother is a shit show of a person who we no longer have contact with.
He has other family members that are of the “casual digs and insults covered by fake naivety” but they’re nice enough people you have to roll your eyes at.
If my DP hadn’t have called his Mum out on her shit when she did, our relationship wouldn’t have survived. I couldn’t have stayed with someone who sat by and let their Mum continue to outright abuse me.
The very first time in his life that he stood up to her, she unleashed hell on him (and me) and caused a whole year of pain and distress.

I think you do marry the family, but you and your wife/husband need to acknowledge your new family (the two of you and any kids) are the priority that must always come first.

I just married one man. I'm actually quite fond of his (enormous) family, and see them fairly regularly, but I certainly never regard myself as having married into it. Neither does he with mine.