Dreading anniversary as DH lack of present upsetting

Start asking for what you want he clearly doesn’t know so asking will give him ideas and ensure you get something you want. You could make it something involving choice like flowers or a silver chain etc

Thumb pot. A small pot made by pushing a thumb into clay then glazed. For salt and pepper mostly. Bit bloody mean you only got one for the salt 😡

Married 12 years. DH is a prince of a man, truly - pulls his weight in the house and with DS. However, he isn't great at gifts. So I tell him what I would like. It means I don't get a surprise - but everything else is brilliant, so it's a small compromise to make.

See I think this is the issue. My DH is also truly shit at getting presents, so I feel your pain and it becomes a vicious circle of disappointment on both parts. However, I don't have many other areas of complaint and so it's not a big deal.

It sounds like you feel undervalued and not loved generally, not specifically wrt to presents.

What had you bought him when he bought you a thumb pot?

But after all these years I would expect him to at least make some effort

The best indicator if future behaviour is past behaviour. He is not going to make any effort this year precisely because he never made any effort for all those years that have come before. He's not going to suddenly change OP.... surely you must realise that deep down?

I think you have 3 choices -

1. Get over it and don't let it upset you
2. Take control of the situation - "I've booked us a weekend away, meal out etc." OR "I have found a nice necklace, I'd love it if you bought it for me for my birthday etc etc."
3. Leave him

I go for option 2 with my OH (not presents but I organise stuff for us to do to celebrate). This isn't my hill to die on and this feels like a good compromise.

If he's otherwise your perfect partner then I'd arrange a long weekend away somewhere nice. If he's lacking in other areas I'd still book the trip but take a friend.

Print out what you want and put it in the fridge with a note saying Anniversary present for (your name) Order from xyz website by xx date (sufficiently in advance). Job done.

If he still doesn’t do it he never will.

I understand, OP. Asking for something can come across as a bit grabby, not asking for something results in getting nothing. I think all you can do is lay out your expectations early, as in 'it's our XX anniversary next week. I'd like it if you got me (whip out website) something from this collection. Anything particular you'd like me to get you?'

If you're unlucky you get one like my last XP. I told him I would very much like a dressing gown for Christmas. His reply was 'you've already got one.' Yes, it's twenty five years old and I use it for dyeing my hair... I did not get a dressing gown. I got five boxes of chocolates, all identical.

I have been married for 35 years. Neither of us has ever given the other an anniversary present. I didn't realise it was A Thing.
But, OP, why do you expect your husband to change after so many years? He is just being himself. If he is usually kind to you, and the marriage is happy, then a present is meaningless, especially if you have to pressurise him to get it.

But after all these years I would expect him to at least make some effort

..Surely after all these years you would expect him to continue as he has always done? Why would it occur to him to change?

What’s he like as a husband the rest of the year?

Call it weaponised incompetence if you want to but I don't mean to weaponise it. I just don't have a clue. DH has a few hobbies but equipment is niche and I would need him to tell me exactly what he wanted. I've bought a few books over the years that he often doesn't have time to read because he's reading stuff he's bought himself. Clothes, maybe. Bit boring though. He gives his parents ideas of stuff he wants for birthdays and Christmas but often struggles to think of something himself.

There are a couple of women in my life I buy presents for. They say the like them but I don't entirely believe it. It's all just stuff. Ornaments and jewellery and wot not. I've got to 46 years old and never really felt I've ever got the hang of present buying. It's not for everyone.

The thing is some people really aren't present driven.
My DH buys me books because that's what he would be happy with as a gift.. I also do like books but like you I'd have tried to think of something a bit more romantic and meaningful etc..
Now days in my marriage I'm just proactive about it so I don't get disappointed. I look at the bigger picture. My DH is my best friend and has been there for me in so many situations. I know he loves me. He like many men sadly, was never really expected to think about gifts throughout his early life so lacks the natural ability now. He does try a bit.. he will get cards and flowers without being reminded but if you were expecting something more creative that's just not going to happen.
So now days if I've something in mind I just directly communicate it and my expectations.
Usually it's that we plan a night without the kids together.. go to a yurt or something, get some nice wine etc. Amd that's something I can suggest and get his input in. No it's not a suprise but I didn't marry an imaginary man from a romcom. But I did marry a decent, kind and trustworthy man who's an amazing father so I'm happy with that tbh. And he's hot and interesting.
I'll let the lack of imagination regarding romantic gifts go.

After 25 years of marriage?
I mean that’s the OP having to ‘give hints’ fur Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries and maybe Mother’s Day too?
She might as well buy her own stuff.

There is ‘not being good at buying’ and weaponised incompetence and laziness . After that long together, he should be able to get something she enjoys wo ‘hints’

You are coming across as a bit of a passive aggressive martyr OP. You’ve never asked for anything in 25 years and I bet you’ve never told him his presents are not what you want. ie something expensive.
What did you get him? Or is it only you that needs a prize for being married for another year?
Tbh I’d rather a partner who pulled his weight in the relationship and showed he loved and cared for me on a day to day basis than a once a year gift.

I’ve never celebrated our anniversary with dh. It has always felt pointless to me.

HOWEVER, it is clearly important to you.
You’ve told him that much.
He should make an effort because he knows it’s important to you. What’s what CARING for someone looks like.

I am absolutely shit at buying presents. I don't know what to get anyone.

If presents matter to you it would be a good idea to at least give him some kind of hints.