Dreading anniversary as DH lack of present upsetting

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to want your partner to celebrate your anniversaries and you with some thought and care. But, I guess much depends on what the rest of your relationship is like, as others have also said. If he is a loving, kind, thoughtful person but just inept at gift buying, if I were you, I would help him out with broad hints or you could both discuss and choose experience gifts for you as a couple (a mini-break, etc). If the thoughtlessness with gifts is a symptom of general thoughtlessness then that is much bigger issue.

My ex was like this with gifts, and I too dreaded our anniversaries because I would hope against hope that he would get his act together and then he would disappoint, usually spectacularly. One year stands out - I saw a beautifully gift wrapped present in the living room the day before, and thought it was for me but on the day I got nothing, and turned out it was for someone else! The only gifts from him in 25 years of marriage were gifts I just bought for myself and he paid for, and one his mother bought for me on his behalf. But it was a symptom of a much bigger problem in my case - he was a narcissist, and this was yet another form of emotional abuse, neglect and belittling. Thankfully, now an ex. My current partner buys me sweet thoughtful little gifts - not jewellery but things I need around the house and I would get joy out of. He did buy me PJs in a size larger than I wear which didn't go down well though 😆

What would he do if you sent him a few links and said, "I'm sick of getting nothing or something rubbish for my birthday/anniversary. I would love anything off this list. DO NOT DEVIATE"?

Not sure, but it doesn't sound promising!

Next time make him feel guilty by buying him something lovely instead. After all, it is a mutual celebration.

My mum really focused on the lack of gifts and was always disappointed, but everyone else couldn’t understand why she still got her hopes up. The marriage was shit so she really wanted a sign of love
In all the relationships and 1 marriage I’ve had, the times I’ve not been bothered are when the relationship is good.

(He then bought himself a book he’d had his eye on, from me obv).

Some people just aren’t present people
and just don’t get it some people are and go massively overboard
we’re all different there’s no great history of present buying so why do you think there’s going to be to a massive upturn

tbh the way you value presents and going about them probable irritates him as much as him not bothering irritates you

I’m with some of the pps who have great dhs and aren’t bothered about presents because of this. Mine does and gets things for me all the time, just because. It was our anniversary recently; I saw a beautiful thing I just had to have, got it home and told him he’d bought it me for our anniversary. Perfect!

it’s if he’s thoughtless and uncaring generally that you have a problem.

I didn’t either.

I’ve been married 29 years and didn’t even realise buying anniversary presents for each other was a thing.

I guess like for birthdays, Christmas etc it’s best to chat about expectations and stick to whatever you’ve both decided on.

You didn’t realise it was a thing that people give each other presents to mark anniversaries?

Come off it. There’s no prize for efforts to be the ‘cool wife’ on the race to the bottom.

We're all different. For me because all our money is one joint pot not his and hers and we would plan it together. We'd enjoy planning what we were going to do as part of the whole fun of the experience. I don't see holiday planning as legwork. I wouldnt enjoy being told where I was going and having no input into the decision making.

It is. But was the trip a surprise present? If you had talked about it then he should have wanted to be involved more with planning but still not unreasonable for him to consider it a joint thing for you both overall with the token present of the pot being therefore plenty

The bar is very low for men.

Even though the OP will have prepared everything? Because she’ll have seen that as HER present

It can only be a shared present if her dh has put as much effort into it as she has. I mean how can it be a shared present if he just has to turn up?

Well I'd just up and say we're off to chose my ring/bag/necklace Saturday so get your wallet ready mate.

Dh has form for this. We now go to a travel agent together and book something

I would think of that as a joint present for both of us, chosen and planned together. I wouldn't expect something else on top.

what did you get him on your anniversary?

People treat you how you let them.

THAT is your real problem - the day-to-day love and care that's lacking. The deeper stuff. The present issue is a symptom of it, not the real cause.

Presents don't really matter if your partner shows that he/she loves and cherishes you all the other days of the year. DP and I aren't great at gifts and mostly take other out to restaurants instead; when we've done gifts, some have landed well and some (from both of us!) have been total lead balloons. But we laugh them off because they're not litmus tests for us.

They become litmus tests when you don't feel you receive love and affection more generally...

I would never get that for DH or want him to get that for me. I'd be well up for a trip to celebrate our anniversary but it would be planned and decided together and it would be our present to each other doing it. I'd find any expectation of additional presents to each other overbearing.

I hate getting presents, especially ones that are a surprise. The greatest gift you could gift me is not gifting me anything.

My ideal, would be someone asking exactly what I wanted, a nice meal out, an adventure day or a weekend away. I also dislike giving presents, because I don't want to get it horribly wrong, sounds like you're husband is a bit like that. Help him out by telling him, or organise something lovely together.