To think my mum was ridiculous about a slice of pie

I’d be making lots of pies over the future months, flaunted on Social media and there would simply be none available when she finally repeats her behaviour.
Either the message will sink in and or it wont.

Insert pun about humble pie…

Let her stew for a bit then if she doesn’t get in touch I’d message in a few days apologising for snapping but making it clear why. She’s in the wrong - my aunt is exactly like this and her son had bulimia after his entire childhood and adolescence was spent listening to comments like this. I hate eating in her company as it feels like she’s keeping tally of how much everyone eats.

Yes in retrospect I think this is right.

The whole thing was a set up to see how much pie you’d eaten.

Out of interest, what would you apologise for?
Sorry I ate my own pie?

Way too much drama, take the option that will move you both on, you onto a place where you see her a lot, lot less. Her to wherever.

My mother in law always made an apple and strawberry pie which seemed strange to me but was delicious. I don't know why it seemed so strange as you have all sorts of other fruit with apple. I just hadn't come across it before.

3
She'll sulk, she'll shout... but honestly if she wants to be ridiculous let her, and laugh at her.
Yes it will cause chaos but sometimes you need to let these kinds of mothers (yes I have one) feel the consequences of their constant attention seeking.
You said it's a pattern of behaviour, if you let it continue it'll escalate.

I definitely wouldn’t apologise.

I’d probably ignore the message and see what happened- but also wouldn’t be inviting her over again any time soon. Especially any time close to morning coffee/ lunch.

If she questioned me in person I would just sigh in an exaggerated way and change the subject as many times as necessary.

Loving your cool, logical approach!

If you try to appease her in any way she'll see it as a victory for her.

I'd ignore it. 100%.

My mum used to do this all the time. One day I snapped and simply told her I was so sorry she had an eating disorder at 65, and how very hard it was for women of her generation to have a normal relationship with food. Absolutely saturated her in a kind of neutral pity. She’s never brought up being ‘naughty’ or ‘greedy’ again.

This don’t apologise and don’t contact her when she contacts you - ask for an apology ‘I hope you are phoning to apologise for your constant negative comments about pie’ big pause….

on repeat.

My mother (not in contact) is slightly overweight but will feed me one piece of ham, two leaves and maybe 3 chips saying oh gosh that’s enough to fill everyone up - then she’s eats an entire chocolate cake on her own - literally would see it go down slice by slice, meanwhile making negative comments ….

and don’t have her on social media either btw

Don't say sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for.

Ignore the whole thing - she's a toddler having a tantrum.

Do 1/2 and 1/2. Say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry I snapped. But your competitive undereating and obsession with dieting and food is inappropriate around my children.'

She'll take the huff. But wait for her to get over it or she'll just feel justified in continuing to do it.

Do you have to reply? She’s saying she’s hurt, that’s simply her emotion. Her telling you her emotion seems to pull you to action. (like a well rehearsed script)

For a change, could you do nothing, but a day later text her about something completely different? “Hi mum, just letting you know we bumped into cousin Bob yesterday, he says hi!” Just don’t respond to the hurt comment and see what happens.

I wouldn't get involved with head games or drama. I'd text back to say "OK, get in touch when you're ready to move on" and then enjoy the peace whilst she deals with the fact you are refusing to take responsibility for her feelings.

Number 4, ignore the dozy wombat completely. Do not reward her crap behaviour.

I like this!

and then severely limit how much you tell her in the future.

set up a separate group with your MIL.

as I mentioned earlier my mum is a similar nightmare and my poor sister has fallen into the same trap over the years by over sharing. Even if you think it’s the most innocuous thing, my mum will find a way of criticising, or making it about her, or being offended or getting angry, or listening to her say ‘well I wouldn’t have done that’ etc

Its really hard and rage inducing to have to do this with your own mother but it’s necessary to preserve sanity.

PM me if you want to vent further. I really do understand how awful it is!

You have my sympathy on this. My mum goes on and on about people drinking, when she’s been married to a functioning alcoholic for decades who puts booze before anyone or
anything.

She’s also a huge fattist, and comments on her close friends and how much they eat and how they gain or lose weight.

When challenged recently it’s as though I was making it up as she wouldn’t have any of it. Until I insisted I hadn’t dreamt it. Whilst it was uncomfortable and brought us close to having a row, she did concede and I think that’s what they need every now and then. Challenge.

At what point do these people become like this? Or have they always been?

It’s not about a slice of pie though is it. It’s about a woman trying to navigate a complex and difficult relationship with her mum. Very reductive and dismissive to leave such a comment

And waste a slice on her to only have a mouthful and say "oh I couldn't possibly eat the WHOLE slice" ? Tell her to fuck off

Ooh can you please explain why? I've never ever heard of this "rule" before!
Is it the same for cake?! 🤔😉

I was stunned she asked for a slice of pie in the first place since ninety nine times out of a hundred she refuses anything I offer her and makes a point of telling me she's totally full after a huge breakfast of one blini and a quail's egg.

She asked for a slice so that she could say “Just a small piece please” and then, even if you cut it with a vegetable peeler, gasp in horror and cry “A smaaaaaall piece, I said! Not even half of that!”. Then, of course, making a big exhibition of not being able to finish the huge piece you had given her.

She would probably have thrown in a “Goodness, not much left, is there? You must have been VERY hungry!” for good measure. She was probably reaching for the Tena Lady in excitement when she realised the whole thing was gone.

“Sorry if you were offended by my comment. I thought I had explained why the pie ran out and didn’t want to keep going over it.”

You say sorry, but it’s that kind of half sorry that’s a bit ambiguous 🤣

It seems to be you that lacks the comprehension skills. Because that was the end for OP, until her DM made another 4 comments. She can’t control her DM, so your suggestion that it should have ended there was out of OPs control

If you ever think you have snapped or been unkind Op, remember this that you posted

she's the reason I have weekly therapy and has been a source of untold hurt and confusion in my life.

If she wasn't your mum you'd have booted her out of your life long ago.

The fact that she is your Mum makes it so much worse.

She should love you unconditionally.

She doesn't deserve to have you or your kids in her life.