To think my mum was ridiculous about a slice of pie

i agree 💯 with your comment about it mostly dying out with boomers - I’m in my 50s and my parents/stepparents/in-laws are all in their 70s and 80s, and they are (or were when they were alive) obsessed with the virtue of being slim, it’s definitely the case for them that being overweight/having a good appetite is an issue of morality/greed and it’s caused me personally no small amount of confidence-battering.

Obvs I’m not saying that all over 60s think like that, just that the ‘slim’ obsessiveness is particularly prevalent in that generation.

Having said that, we know two people in their early fifties who are pretty judgemental re eating so maybe some of those opinions have - sadly - been successfully passed down and will survive.

I still find it incredible how delighted my mother is to leave food on her plate, she will do a fake apology of it being too much (even through she served the portion herself) and looks around as if she’s waiting for us all to cheer, applaud and high five her for her teeny tiny appetite 🙄

My son and I made a beautiful rhubarb and strawberry pie a couple of days ago, and I shared a photo of it on our family WhatsApp (parents, siblings and partners).

Yesterday afternoon my mum dropped by unexpectedly after visiting a friend nearby. I offered her a cup of tea and a biscuit and she said 'oh no, I'll have a slice of that lovely pie'. I said 'oh sorry! It's all been eaten', to which she responded with the most exaggerated display of astonishment and surprise. She kept saying 'REALLY! A whole pie in ONE DAY?', saying it would have done her and my dad for a week, we must have had huge slices etc. She made five or six comments in total.

The first time she commented I told her my in laws had been over so between them and us we'd eaten five slices, then my husband had had another piece in the afternoon following a 55km bike ride, and then the three of us had had a piece for morning coffee that day, totalling 9 slices of a normal sized pie. Not a crazy amount. Then when she kept on going on about it I tried to brush it off and move on, before eventually snapping at her to stop talking about food and appetites in front of my young children, at which point she left in a huff. She has texted me this morning to let me know she's hurt, she was just surprised, and that she wasn't saying anything inappropriate in front of the children.

She has absolute form for this. She's one of those people who always has to have the smallest appetite in the room, loves talking about meals she's forgotten to eat, loves refusing food. I was stunned she asked for a slice of pie in the first place since ninety nine times out of a hundred she refuses anything I offer her and makes a point of telling me she's totally full after a huge breakfast of one blini and a quail's egg. She's permanently on a diet, obsessed with food but never eats any, thinks that thinness is next to godliness etc. I've learned to live with it but I'll be damned if me and my children will accept being treated as revolting gluttons for eating two slices of pie over two days.

Anyway, the dilemma. She's incredibly defensive and will go nuclear if I try and get her to take any accountability. I swallow a lot of her shit for the sake of family harmony, and I'm at peace with this because she and I now have a very superficial relationship and I let her crap wash over me. But it's going to get to the point of affecting my children and when that happens I'll have to intervene and accept the fallout. So what do I say to her now? She's expecting an apology from me for snapping and reassurance that she's a lovely mother and granny who was treated unfairly. Do I:

1. Give her an insincere apology to get her to fuck off and leave me alone
2. text something very neutral like 'let's not row over pie' and hope she drops it
3. tell her she was being ridiculous and that it's part of a wider pattern of behaviour that I won't tolerate in front of my kids, and deal with whatever histrionics and drama follows
4. other suggestions welcome

Far from 'snide', I'm saying very directly that you need to let this go.

You're having weekly therapy which must be costing you a fortune.

I don't think rehashing this massive story about a pie and your mother's attitude towards it, is going to do anything except make you even more exhausted.

But I'll bow out now as you're obviously not open to anyone who doesn't agree with you.

But that's exactly how it could have gone if you didn't entertain it.

But not only did you entertain it, you've just typed a massive OP to ask strangers what they think?

Honestly, you and your mum sound fairly similar in how over involved you're both getting about a pie.

My DH (now ex) would just say "oh theyre just like that ignore them" but that was part of a trait of never defending me or backing me up or really in any way caring about things that upset me. Three months PP my exFil cornered me away from everyone at a party (i was wandering about trying to get DD off to sleep) and asked if i was aware i was still carrying a lot of extra weight. When i told DH and ex SIL they both just said awwww hes just silly like that. His wife was worse. A right piece of work. I dont miss having them in my life

Yes @BeachPossum give her the portion to person ratio 🍰

I should text her this and watch the world burn 😂

I wouldn't do anything at all. Just leave her to sulk and wait until she makes contact with you. Have you told her that you find her attitude to food really dysfunctional? I think if she keeps making comments in front of the children, you will have to limit contact until they are of an age where you can explain to them that their grandmother has a really unhealthy relationship with food.

Eh? I already said how you should've responded in the post you quoted?

'REALLY! A whole pie in ONE DAY?'

"Yeah, quite a few people had some, not just us".

The end 🤷‍♂️

No need to entertain any more conversation about it after that.

Yet here you are saying it's exhausting but at the same time, rehashing it all again and discussing it all here.